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ds seems to be struggling for friends at nursery. Nursery staff say no problem. What now?

(13 Posts)
fryalot Sat 07-Feb-09 17:13:15

Ds struggles a bit because dd2 is in the same nursery class. She has been there for a year and has loads of friends and is well settled.

Ds tends to play with his sister and I don't think he ever plays with anyone else. When dd2 is not in the room (doing phonics in the other class room, or something else that the elder kids get to do) then he tells me that he just waits for her to come back.

Have mentioned this to the nursery staff on a couple of occasions and they have told me that he is absolutely fine and has loads of friends and plays nicely with the other children, not moping around after his sister.

So why does he tell me that he doesn't play with the other kids?

I'm not naive enough to think that my children will never lie, but he doesn't appear to be fibbing, he says it quite matter of factly and doesn't want anything.

Dd2 says he plays with her all the time and doesn't know what happens when she is not in the room.

So do I trust that the nursery staff are right and for some reason ds is not telling the truth?

Or do I trust that ds is telling the truth, in which case, what do I do? I've asked the staff and they have said that there is definitely no problem.

Yet I'm still worried.

any suggestions?

(dd2 will leave nursery for "big school" in Sept btw, but it's a long time for ds if he really doesn't have any other friends)

fryalot Sat 07-Feb-09 20:51:53

any ideas anyone?

fryalot Sun 08-Feb-09 13:27:09

a leeeeetle Sunday afternoon bump just in case anyone has any thoughts...

dragonbutter Sun 08-Feb-09 13:37:01

maybe he just doesn't know the other childrens names so can't tell you who else he played with.

BlueCowBackToWondering Sun 08-Feb-09 13:51:20

how old is dd? Maybe she just doesn't have the language capacity, or memory to tell you! But don't a lot of children just play alongside others when quite little, so she really isn't playing WITH anyone.

Sounds as if you are worrying a bit unnecessarily.

fryalot Sun 08-Feb-09 13:57:16

dd2 is 4, ds is 3

they both have a vocab well big enough to tell me what is going on.

He does know all the children, he's been going for 2 years while I take dd2. We live in quite a rural location so he pretty much knows all the kids from toddler group or similar.

I just worry that he is all forlorn when his sister isn't in the room. He never wants to invite a friend home (well, apart from some characters from Charlie & The Chocolate Factory) and to all the other kids he seems to be "dd2's brother" rather than ds

Do you really think I'm being a bit p3rdb? (hope so [smile)

thanks for replies, btw.

dragonbutter Sun 08-Feb-09 14:00:14

a bit what?

fryalot Sun 08-Feb-09 14:10:20

precious third born

BlueCowBackToWondering Sun 08-Feb-09 14:10:38

at my dc's preschool, the staff do notice things like this, and they do (very gently) suggest that parents of children who don't play with others ask someone round to play so that they can get to know other children. So I would imagine that your ds probably doesn't have a problem!

Do you know, I think I'm being a bit 'p3rdb' after not worrying too much at all about dc 1 and 2! Maybe soemething about dc3 definitely being my last baby...

RubyRioja Sun 08-Feb-09 14:12:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fryalot Sun 08-Feb-09 14:15:23

thank you both, that is reassuring.

I never thought about him sitting on his own for a minute or two and it seeming like ages

I will stop worrying.

For a while anyway...


redskyatnight Mon 09-Feb-09 10:51:34

DS regularly said he played with no one and had no friends. Nursery staff said he was fine and got on with everyone.

Some time later (he's now in Reception and says much the same thing) I have worked out that he just didn't have close friends but tended to play with "whoever was there". So when you ask they genuinely can't remember as they were playing with different children for a few minutes each throughout the day.

wingandprayer Mon 09-Feb-09 11:08:40

My DD regularly tells me she's not been fed all day and played with no one at nursery.

The staff tell me she had seconds of everything at lunch and dinner and charged round in a huge gang a break times.

I see it as her telling little fibs so that she can get some more attention (and more importantly for her food) off me. When surrounded by lots of other children and a vast range of toys it would be an an extremely wilful or an extremely shy child that would stand on their own rather than getting stuck in.

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