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Teacher rerimanding a child inappropriately?

(18 Posts)
marmadukescarlet Wed 17-Sep-08 10:46:12

My DS attends the preschool of a small nurturing pre/prep school, he is in the pre-reception class.

A new teacher started, she used to teach yr 1/2. My DS is very scared of her, she is a rather tall and large lady with a very booming voice and quite an abrupt manner. A 50 something, unmarried woman, no DC - if that is at all relevant.

Last years teacher was all lovely and soft, cuddly and the Dc adored her.

My DS has stopped wanting to go in and we have never had this problem before. He is fine until he gets to the threshold of her class and she booms out "GOOD MORNING XXX" he then freezes and will not go in. He says he wants to come home, asking me to stay, has to go in with his old teacher (next door class for very young DC) for 30 mins before he can be persuaded to join his class.

Old teacher has intimated that she thinks I have a problem with the new teacher not my DS! (I suppose I do, in as much as I think she isn't right to teach pre schoolers)

Today when I went in a mother was just coming out, she had left her child crying. As I walked past classroom door DS' new teacher was holding child firmly by the arms saying very loudly and firmly (not quite shouting but nearly) right into child's face (less than 10cms away?) "No Stop, this is not acceptable, no stop" over and over. The child was getting more and more upset.

By the time I was settling DS in the class next door the child was almost hysterical. I told the most senior member of staff in the next door that the teacher next door was on her own (in a class of 6 or so dc) and might appreciate some support.

When I left Snr staff memeber was walking around the play garden holding hands with the child who was much calmer but still sobbing.

Now the teacher has suggested I make my DS go into her classroom and leave him to cry instead of allowing him to go next door until he is ready. I am against this anyway, but especially if this is how she deals with it.

Should I mention my concerns about this teachers methods and be (unjustly) thought to have a 'problem' with her or leave it?

marmadukescarlet Wed 17-Sep-08 10:47:04

Sorry, missed P

lemonlady Wed 17-Sep-08 10:51:19

You poor thing, I think I might have to mention it to somebody.
Can you speak to old teacher about it and tell her what you witnessed. What is your son like when he is in the class.

PinkChick Wed 17-Sep-08 10:52:42

i would make app to speak to head (or most senior member of staff who has authority over teachers) and explain what you saw, how you LO is and that IYO you are unhappy with the way she behaves/treats the children who do not immediatly comply!, explain the children are used to x(old teacher) and new teaher is SUCH an opposite many of the children AND parents have concerns.

Good lucksmile

marmadukescarlet Wed 17-Sep-08 10:56:39

My DS has SN so, luckily, he has a LSA with him all the time (which I pay for) on Tues- Thurs it is my EX mother's help (who is a qualified nursery teacher) she was walking with me and witnesed it.

As I handed DS over to her (we were both open eyed with surprise) I said, "If you ever see her shout at DS like that you would tell me wouldn't you?" and she replied that she would and also she had never seen a teacher behave like this before.

On Mon and Frid they have their own member of staff shadowing DS, so I don't think she would tell me what went on.

DS's old teacher wasn't there today, but I think I will have to say something.

marmadukescarlet Wed 17-Sep-08 11:19:10


jollydo Wed 17-Sep-08 14:48:51

This woman sounds completely unsuitable to be in a pre-school environment. I think you should say something. I don't think they should be pressurising you to leave your ds with her and if I were you I certainly wouldn't do so until I was happy with the situation.
I think many children, mine included, would be intimidated by a someone like that. No wonder he doesn't want to go in.

marmadukescarlet Thu 18-Sep-08 09:37:06

Well today I spoke to snr staff memeber. I told her that I was a little concerned by what I'd seen, she said that by the time she had gone in child was laying on the floor crying. She said I should speak to head of pre-school (DS' last years lovely teacher)

I told last years teacher that I was concerned and described the incident. She asked if I was prepared to say which member of staff I'd seen, so I told her. I also told her that if I ever witnessed or heard of my DS being reprimanded in that way (for being upset, obviously if he had punched someone in the face he should be reprimanded accordingly - although not sure it was appropriate for even that tbh) I would take him straight out.

We got there really early today and DS was quite happy to go into her classroom and put his bag in his drawer and stick his name on the register board as new scary teacher was not in the room, as soon as she came in he wanted to go outside! Then he didn't want me to leave at all. He started to cry and I handed him over to his (much loved LSA) as told old nice teacher that I didn't want to leave him crying, particularly in light of how seperation anxiety seemed to be dealt with.

She said to sit outside in my car and call her in a few minutes. Just as I was about to call school sec came out and said oldteacher had called up to the office to say DS fine and settled, but she hadn't mentioned if he was in old teachers room or new.

jollydo Thu 18-Sep-08 11:52:44

I think you did the right thing saying something. Hope all goes well today smile

PinkChick Thu 18-Sep-08 13:38:10

glad they took you seriously, i would go in early today and ask about what will now be happening?smile

etchasketch Thu 18-Sep-08 13:41:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkChick Thu 18-Sep-08 13:47:46

and if you Lo's reaction is that bad when she enters the room i dread to think how she is with the children through the daysad

HonoriaGlossop Thu 18-Sep-08 14:08:12

well done marmaduke for speaking up to the head of pre-school. Did she say anything about how or whether she would raise this with the teacher concerned?

The way she dealt with that child was very inappropriate; in DS school I've seen different teachers deal with different children when upset but basically it's been done by taking the child to a quiet corner, cuddling, talking to them about WHY they're upset, and then distracting them to an activity to change the mood.

Your ds is clearly showing his unhappiness with the new teacher, isn't he, poor thing. I wuold ask for another meeting in a week's time, if he's no happier to be left with her, and ask for them to provide you with some strategies that they will be employing to help your DS feel safe with her basically.

marmadukescarlet Thu 18-Sep-08 16:59:20

marmaduke Yes sorry about the name thing, I'd been this for around 6 months before I noticed you - I'm a namechanger, rather than a newbie - although you have been marmaduke longer. I wanted to be mariamerryweather but that was taken.

I did mention it on a 'another person has a similar name to mine' type thread, apologising profusely.

It is so unlike him to be upset, I know he is scared of the new teacher - despite old teachers assurances.

They didn't say what would happen, but I will ask next week.

He (hopefully) will be moving to a specialist language disorder unit soon, so I am considering taking him out on Mons and Frids when his beloved LSA isn't in.

His new Friday and Mon LSA is lovely but he hardly knows her so I feel too much to cope with to be scared of new teacher without someone he loves to support him.

Thanks to all for kind comments and suggestions.

etchasketch Thu 18-Sep-08 17:11:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marmadukescarlet Fri 19-Sep-08 11:09:16

This morning we went in fine as new teacher not in the room at 8.30am, although other staff were. Head came in and DS chatted happily with her, well away from me. New teacher came in and he came straight to me and held on tight, asked to go home and pulled me to the ajoining room - his old teacher.

His new lsa came to play with him around 9.15am and his old teacher and new lsa tried to get him to go to music (join his class) at about 9.45. As soon as he went into music (saw new teacher) he apparently became very distressed and they came an got me at 10am to help calm him down.

I left with him at 10.40am, which I think is a backwards step but he was too upset to leave him.

As we were leaving, I made him go and say good bye to his new teacher. He did. We were leaving the class when I noticed he had a little car that he had picked up in the garden area, I was just telling him he would have to return it to the garden as we went out which he is always fine about.

New teacher was standing next to him, side by side so no eye contact, and put her hand in front of him and said, "I need that" in quite a stern voice. He handed over the car.

I am amazed that she thnks that is appropriate for any child let alone one with speech processing disorder. I genuinely believe you should always speak too a child in a way you wish them to speak to you (positive role model) so surely she should have got DS' attention (used his name, looked at his face) and said, "please may I/can I have that?"

His old teacher said the head is going to call me as I told her today that, having witnessed what I witnessed, I have lost confidence in them. I pointed out that they enticed me in with talk of golden rules (we are polite, we treat each other kindly etc) and positive behaviour models and now that seems to have disappeared.

She said some guff about each child being treated appropriately for personality, so I replied I couldn't believe the telling off was appropriate for any child especially as it was escalating the situation.

Also I pointed out that in the last week DS has started to say, "stop it" all the time - I've never said it to him and he's never used it before.

marmadukescarlet Fri 19-Sep-08 14:49:51

I have been summoned to the head's office next Thursday.

I can't see why we can't discuss it over the phone, I feel like a naughty schoolgirl now.

etchasketch Mon 22-Sep-08 11:56:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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