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How would you handle this.

(40 Posts)
DontlookatmeImshy Wed 02-Jul-08 14:55:41

Ds1 had a trial session at pre-school last week. Everything seemed to go ok except me blubbling like a baby when he went in. Yes he is a PFB.
When i picked him up though, he had a pooey nappy which had obviously been there for quite sometime. I did leave nappies but no wipes/nappy bags as i was a bit flustered when I left him and it did occur to me that might be why they hadn't bothered. But anyway he has another trial next week. I am planning on leaving nappies/wipes/bags/even a travel mat so they have no excuses there.

Would you say anything beforehand or wait and see. I don't want to upset them and have them take it out on ds (yes i realise as i type this how pathetic i sound) I intend to have him toilet trained by the time he goes so pooey nappies won't be an issue. I think what i'm really concerned about is if they can leave a 2.8 year old in a pooey nappy then what else is/isn't happening that parents might not be happy about?

AbbeyA Thu 03-Jul-08 07:48:08

Did they know he was in nappies?
It is a long while since mine were at pre school but they had to be out of nappies and so changing them was not part of the job.

mamablue Thu 03-Jul-08 08:28:55

Most pre-schools in fact all the ones I know about, will not take children in nappies, they must be dry. My Dds had to be dry before they went to pre-school. Did you tell them he was in nappies?

DontlookatmeImshy Thu 03-Jul-08 08:33:19

They knew because i gave 2 to one of the staff members. I know another lady who works there on a different day and she said they prefer them to be out of nappies but they don't have to be. She also has her ds there so i suppose she must think the pre-school is ok.

When i visited another pre-school over the road they told me that they (and any other pre-school) had to cater for children in nappies or it was seen as a form of discrimination.

Ineedsomesleep Thu 03-Jul-08 08:33:47

Can't help you with the nappy thing as DS was potty trained when he started pre-school.

Do you know any other parents who send their children to this pre-school and what do they say about it?

Prufrock Thu 03-Jul-08 08:33:52

Whilst pre-schools are not now allowed to discriminate against children still in nappies it is still normal practice for children to be potty trained before they get there, and tbh if you didn't say anything at the time they would quite legitimately have not considered that he would need changing. Most pre-schools (particularly volunteer run community ones) do not have the space or staffing levels to chnage children

Ineedsomesleep Thu 03-Jul-08 08:35:28

Just because she has her DS there doesn't mean you have to send yours! She might just want to keep him close.

2point4kids Thu 03-Jul-08 08:36:44

I'd mention it I think but in a non confrontational way... 'did you know that ds is still in nappies? i'm not sure i mentioned it last time as he wasnt changed - what would you like me to leave in terms of nappy stuff?'
and see what they say

My hv told me that all pre-schools have to accept children in nappies now to avoid discrimination.

bobblehat Thu 03-Jul-08 08:37:23

My ds2 recently started preschool, and had only just been toilet trained, and is still not too reliable.

Preschools are busy busy places and the staff will not automatically check to see if nappies need changing/change every 2 hours or what ever they do in nurseries. The only way they'll know is if the child tells them or they smell him.

As long as your ds has had a good time, I wouldn't worry too much

AbbeyA Thu 03-Jul-08 08:38:01

I was obviously before it was seen as discriminating-they had to be toilet trained.
Pre schools are generally community affairs run on a shoe string. I don't see how they have the staffing levels to change nappies, as one person couldn't be on their own because of child protection issues (I would have thought).

DontlookatmeImshy Thu 03-Jul-08 09:10:20

Thanks for all your replies. I like 2point4kids approach. I'll try that.

I appreciate they are busy but surely they should be able to cope the occasional nappy change. After all they have to manage when a toilet trained child needs to go to the loo.

The other lady only works there 1 day a week but her ds goes 5 days, thats why I'm assuming she must be happy with the place.

mamablue Thu 03-Jul-08 10:49:52

Sorry, I did not realise that things had changed regarding nappies at pre-school. My dd is in Year1 now but when she went to pre-school 2 years ago they had to be dry. They would call the parents to collect if a child repeatedly had accidents ( ie. was not dry). They were really strict about it. Not sure how it is descrimination though.

funnypeculiar Thu 03-Jul-08 10:53:35

Not all preschools expect them to be potty trained - ds was, but didn't have to be, & dd had a settling in session last week & we were explicitly told NOT to potty train her just for them, unless we thought she was genuinely ready.

I would say something, because otherwise you'll feel uncomfy that this could happen again. 2point4kids gently-gently way deffo the way to go - not worth making enemies yet smile

cluttercup Thu 03-Jul-08 10:58:43

My son is 3 and not toilet trained yet. Neither of the nurseries he attends stipulate that children need to be dry. Children develop at very different rates so I don't see how nurseries can insist really. I would be upset if my son returned home with a soiled nappy that had clearly been worn for some time.

I would mention it to the staff there but would do so in a careful and non-confrontational way. Making sure that your ds has nappies, wipes and nappy bags is important but the lack of these isn't a reason to leave a child in a soiled nappy. Perhaps no-one detected the dirty nappy!

icecreamsoda Thu 03-Jul-08 11:03:05

preschools are not allowed to refuse a child in nappies but they are allowed to refuse to change them, i.e. they can call the parent to come and change their own child if the need arises.

By law there have to be two adults present during nappy changes for child protection reasons so generally preschools just don't have the necessary staffing levels to be able to do this.

AbbeyA Thu 03-Jul-08 11:37:27

I thought that there would have to be 2 adults present to change a nappy. I think the whole thing might be too difficult, my DCs preschool had parent helpers-I enjoyed helping but I wouldn't have been prepared to change nappies. I think you need to ask them about their policy and be prepared to have to go and change your DC if you get a phone call.

philmassive Thu 03-Jul-08 11:56:38

Most pre-schools should be willing to change nappies, if they take 2 year olds. Staff ratios should allow for at least one member of staff to be doing changes/toilet runs. Staff can do both on their own as they are CRB checked etc etc, the manager should not employ a member of staff who she would not trust to change a nappy or take a child to the toilet. Volunteers including parent volunteers should never be allowed to change nappies or do toilet runs, ever.

dilemma456 Fri 04-Jul-08 12:00:57

Message withdrawn

happystory Fri 04-Jul-08 13:58:43

Sorry if discrimination sounds a bit of a heavy word in this context but pre-schools can't, as others have said, refuse children in nappies. They may have a special need or a bowel condition that might NEVER be solved and therefore they'd miss out on the whole pre-school experience.

I think if your ds is still at the trial stage, you could mention it for your peace of mind but once he started for good they should have no qualms about changing him.

cory Sat 05-Jul-08 18:25:20

Our pre-school (5 years ago) did not have the staffing ratios to change nappies, so you either deferred entry until the child was potty trained, or the parent had to be prepared to come in and change- my friend whose dd had SN did this.

unfitmother Sat 05-Jul-08 18:36:33

My DS has SN and was not dry when ready for pre-school. HV said she would write to them but they would send him home if he needed changing.
All non-SN kids had to be out of nappies.

CoolYourJets Sat 05-Jul-08 18:42:36

erm, they don't take children to the loo at preschool they go themselves.

Prufrock Sat 05-Jul-08 20:18:59

dilemma - they are not allowed to say that any more - well not if they are Ofsted registered. And you don't have to "prove" a SN, though you will find that most pre-schools will firmly encourage non trained children to use the toilet - we do insist that non trained children are sent in pull-ups (we have in the past had to provide them) and we take them to the loo during the session.

nappyaddict Sat 05-Jul-08 20:24:29

can a preschool insist on pull ups? pull ups are much more expensive than other nappies.

Prufrock Sat 05-Jul-08 21:38:27

As I said- we provided them. We insisted on them because it made the staff's job significantly easier, and in both the cases we had, it wasn't that the kids weren't ready but that the parents weren't, and after a couple of weeks at pre-school they were trained.

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