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My ds 'Doesn't know how to stop' - How do I tackle this?!!! (sorry - a bit long)

(16 Posts)
bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:13:09

Last week I was asked to come and talk to Ds's Keyworker at his Pre-school.

The talk was friendly and informal but left me concerned and a bit hmm.

Ds is 3.5 and very active, bright, imaginative, bossy and stubborn as a mule - he is not what I would describe as easygoing but tends like most children to save his really 'delightful'hmm behavior for mum and dad - iykwim.

A few times the keyworker (a lovely lady ds likes very much) - has raised the issue of ds hogging the bikes/trikes/ cars they use in the outside play area. He has improved on sharing etc. but he is still causing problems as he becomes so focused on whatever roleplay game he is in he has almost run over a couple of children as he expects them to make way for him and ignores instructions to stop and slow down from the supervisors. This perplexes them as in normal circs he obeys instructions and is a stickler for routine (gets upset when other children are not putting things away at tidy up time etc.).

They were asking me about what 'strategies' I have in place to deal with this - I was a bit stumped as in our garden and with his car/ trike he neither has to share or really slow down as only has sister who is younger and desperately trying to catch up with him in her car. If he is being dangerous and does not listen to me I remove the vehicle and/ or remove him from garden for a while (explaining clearly why). This tends to be effective but time out is not an option for them.

They are going to try a traffic system (roads and crossings) to try and teach him consideration next term. I am so embarrassed and a bit unsure how I can help him. If they cannot resolve it then they are going to call in an expert (Inclusion Officer - I think they said?) - What should I be doing to reign in my boy racer???

juuule Mon 24-Mar-08 22:22:43

I'm surprised they don't do the same as you do.
It's not time-out as such, is it? It's taking the bike or whatever off him because he won't be careful around others.
Combine that with an explanation of why it's been taken off him is surelythe way to go to ensure that a 3.5yo gets to know how to be considerate of others.

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:28:59

tbh that is what i thought Juuule - but they want ds to be helped to understand his behaviour they say they have not experienced this issue before - which surprised me a bit.

I put it down to immaturity but they obviously don't want to battle with him but reason with him. I find ds is sometimes a bit beyond reasoning with on issues of calming down. He says 'but I enjoy going fast' and expects that to be a good enough reason to continueblush - he is articulate and I don't think it is down to missunderstanding - he is simply not inclined to slow down so he doesn't. This is why I employ time out as it shows a consequence to not listening.

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:31:49

What concerns me is that I feel there is an implication of this not being 'normal' whatever that means and therefore he needs specialist helphmm - I don't see it myself but am I too close to the situ.? All very disconcerting. Especially as he starts school in September at only just 4.

fingerwoman Mon 24-Mar-08 22:38:56

I am no expert but that totally wouldn't concern me. well, not in a "it's not normal" type way.
I think it's totally normal for a little boy who loves riding trikes and gets engrossed in what he is doing to not hear or to not want to hear people saying stop.

personally I would want them to be working hard on the "when you do that it makes X sad" if he has run into someone
just lots of talking, lots of reminding him that he has to listen and lots of reminding him to be careful in the playground.
punishing him for doing something he loves isn't the way to go IMO

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:50:27

Thank you Finger woman - I do see your point about not punishing - but at the same time as a time out I give very clear and repeated reasons for it - Ihave have already given warnings and spoken to him about why you should be careful and considerate of others (in fact I spend most of my days teaching him considerationhmm) - it is a constant drip drip approach. However when faced with a manic speeding boy on a trike after the first 10 warnings I feel duty bound to do 'something' and for me removal of trike or child is required - albeit temporarily.

fingerwoman Mon 24-Mar-08 22:55:22

hehe maybe someone should invent a kind of speed limiter for trikes lol

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:55:51

Actually the other more labour intensive but more positive approach I use is to engross him in something else less likely to cause harm to anyone else - it is very very effective but not always possible if I am trying to do lunch/laundry etc etc etc. They should perhaps engage him as a traffic warden for the other children on bikes etc. it would appeal to his bossy nature....

fingerwoman Mon 24-Mar-08 22:57:55

yes, that's an excellent idea

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:59:03

I think the dc's would override speed limiters quite quickly - children are ingenious when it comes to getting round stuffgrin

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 22:59:53

I better write that one down then ta smile

fingerwoman Mon 24-Mar-08 23:01:14

i do think their road system idea is fab as well. I reckon all nurseries ought to do that because I bet most of them have troubles with boisterous toddlers on bikes.
if they have a specific place to ride then all the better

bigmouthstrikesagain Mon 24-Mar-08 23:06:16

I hope the road thing works but we will see - I am a transport planner so would be happy to advise on proper layoutwink.

Anyhoo am tired so going to log off thank you for reassurance of ds normality.smile

bigmouthstrikesagain Tue 25-Mar-08 15:22:12

Any other opinions on this behavior problem?????

Mummywannabe Tue 25-Mar-08 17:39:17

bigmouth - really wouldn't worry, children are not expected to develop awareness of others just yet, certainly not where bikes are concerened, in fact move safely and have an awareness of those around them is a goal children are not expected to reach until end of foundation stage (approx 5 years old). Until you said they suggested that they might call in help i was wondering if they just wanted you on side incase he went home and told you he had to get off the bikes. Seems OTT in my opinion.

Help for them might be to develop a set of picture rules (like we stop for our friesnds with a photo of a child stopping on a bike), no more than 5 golden rules works in our setting. It something i was very suprised they have not come up against before, most 3 1/2 year olds i have met are like this!

Try not to worry.

bigmouthstrikesagain Tue 25-Mar-08 20:36:51

thank you mummywannabe - I am still a bit perplexed at them saying it was unprecedented - it does seem 'normal' to me, for a little boy to want to go as fast as he can on his bike and to hell with the consequences ...

The picture cards are a good idea as he is constantly asking what road signs mean - I can suggest that definitely.smile

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