Three year old wetting himself in pre school

[Independentthreeyearold]

I am new here and looking for some advice about my son in pre school.

He turned 3 at the end of August and started pre school in the middle of October. This week, he started wetting himself. He is fully toilet trained and dry at night so this is very unusual. On Monday, the teachers didn't notice and left him in wet clothes until I collected him. On Tuesday, he wet himself and they text me to tell me. He has a change of clothes in school should this occur. I asked if they wanted me to come and change him to which they replied that he was changing himself to gain independence. Is this normal at 3 and 3 months? I have always helped him get changed. He came out of school and looked very upset. The teacher advised me that he was not upset but he started crying to me. He was very red and blotchy in the face.

He was ok going in at the start but then he started getting upset in the mornings. He has said things like 'how do I make the teachers happy'.

Can anyone offer any advice on this? He is my only child so I am worried if this is the correct pre school for him. Everyone I speak to says that this is not normal.

[KihoBebiluPute]

It sounds like maybe this might not be the best preschool for him to me - but be cautious because a move to a different setting that isn't a massive improvement would be more unsettling than it's worth. Will he be starting Reception in 2021 or 2022? Is this pre-school attached to the primary school he will likely attend?

[Rjw84]

This really doesn’t sound normal (my son is the same age, and his nursery would never leave him in wet clothes to sort himself out) and it sounds like he’s more than usually unhappy, so I would strongly consider moving him.

[minipie]

Wetting himself occasionally is normal IME especially towards the end of autumn term when they are getting very tired and maybe under the weather a bit.

Being asked to change himself is not normal and I’d be worried about the “how can I make the teachers happy”.

Do you know other parents at the pre school? If so can you discuss with them and see if this if they have had similar issues? I would also raise it with th pre school teachers and see what they say in response, before you make any decisions.

[Independentthreeyearold]

Thank you for your help. He will be starting reception in 2022.
It is a pre school that came highly recommended to me and the waiting list is large for it so I thought it would be good for him.
I know a few others parents but in different classes. Unfortunately, I don't know any parents in his class. I know a teacher in a different class in the same school so I will talk to her and see if it is normal procedure in the school before I make any decisions.
It is very difficult when he toilet trained so easily for me and has no issues at home.

[user1493413286]

There’s aspects of this that aren’t unusual; my DD is great at going to the toilet at home but at nursery she sometimes forgets as she’s busy playing and there has been an occasion where they didn’t notice as she was wearing dark trousers and she didn’t tell them but it was quite soon before I picked her up. I also would expect that they might get him to help change his clothes; at 3 my DD dresses herself (with help if she’s having trouble) but nursery are quite keen that children learn to dress themselves. It depends if they sat there with him giving him encouragement or just left him to it which obviously isn’t right. The part about making the teacher happy is odd and more worrying; I would start by talking to them properly about it and getting more explanation.