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DD getting knocked back by the other children. How do I help her deal with it?

(7 Posts)
Nbg Tue 02-Oct-07 12:58:14

I wasnt sure whether to put this in Behaviour and Development but this situation is only happening at preschool.

DD (4 next week) has been going to preschool for a year now and has now swapped to going in afternoons with all the other older children. The majority of them were in the other set with her for the year before.

Now there is one particular girl who has been a bit mean with her, verbal attacks and actually kicked her in the back last week. I spoke to the preschool about it who are now keeping a watchful eye.
This girl only lives around the corner from us, they've had a playdate together and she is coming to dd's party at the weekend. Her mum is lovely but I dont think she's fully aware of whats going on.

Atm I have actually got a fellow mumsnetter staying with me for the week grin and she has taken dd to school.
When they arrived dd went up to this girl and asked her if she was her best friend. Her reply was "no I'm not your friend" so at that dd then asked one of the boys who we often hear about and because the girl was stood there he said "errr" and then his grandma butted in and said "no he's everyones best friend". At that it went quiet and then the girl said "your my best friend xxxx"

This just guts me totally. DD is a lovely sole. All she wants is to play with everyone and have fun. She isnt selfish or mean. She doesnt hit out or snatch of people and has good manners.
She hasnt been all that bothered. I've heard her come out with the odd remark but its forgotten after. However today my friend has come back and said she was upset sad

I'm just not sure how to deal with this now and I'll be really upset for her if it goes on at her party on saturday as all the children who were invited are coming apart from 2.
Is this normal behaviour?
What do I do to help her understand or try not to let it upset her?

EricL Tue 02-Oct-07 13:08:20

Its just silly kiddie politics. They do this out of our ear shot all the time. Girls especially do this type of thing all of the time i have found.

Best to just give advice to her, push her out there and let her learn to deal with these things in her own way otherwise i would worry that she is going to be the less-confident one out of the gang that these bullies will pick on.

contentiouscat Tue 02-Oct-07 13:18:43

I didnt find my children tended to have 'friends' as such at pre-school, their friendships developed quite quickly once they started school itself.

I know its easy to say "dont fret about it yet" but really the only thing you can do is just make sure that you praise her a lot and tell her that anyone would be lucky to have her as a friend, one of my DCs is not a confident child and struggles socially but is just starting to find his feet in reception year at school.

I know we worry about them but often the things we percieve as being problems are acutually irrelevant to them, if it becomes a major issue to you and she becomes needy as she perceives herself as 'not having friends' then she will find it harder.

Playdates at your house will help grin

Nbg Tue 02-Oct-07 13:29:59

Hmmmmm playdates grin

I know its easy to get overly worried as a parent but it just bothers me a bit that its the begining of something and because the preschool is attached to the infant and primary school, I dont want it carrying on IYSWIM.

contentiouscat Tue 02-Oct-07 13:37:04

Small children can be spiteful little beasts but they are just really learning how they should treat each other arent they?

If your daughter is a confident child who knows she is loved and likes to have fun, she will have friends - I would keep an eye on it but try not to pass your worries on to her, ive it 6 months and im sure she will have a few buddies.

Urgh..playdates loathe them, but the are a necessary evil im afraid, luckily I like all of the friends so far they all seem to be quite low maintenance grin

One of my eldests friends is a real clever boy, never stops talking & raids my fruit bowl with the enthusiasm children usually reserve for sweeties!

contentiouscat Tue 02-Oct-07 13:37:48

that was meant to be give it 6 months!

Nbg Tue 02-Oct-07 14:30:07

Yes I'm sure your right.

I reckon she'll have some playdate opportunites after her party. Its just a bit hard atm as theres also ds who has just turned one and no.3 is due at the end of next month.

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