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Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

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Get advice from other Mumsnetters to find the best nursery for your child on our Preschool forum.

Preschool education

Does my dd have to go to nursery?

30 replies

Bobbycat121 · 08/02/2019 22:58

Hi I posted already on another section about social services becoming involved with my family. I just wondered If anyone could advise on something that happened. My youngest is 21 months. The social worker told me that she HAD to attend nursery. I told her I would look into it as she wasnt two yet so its not something I had thought about (in all honesty I was going to wait until she was 3.) anyway she said I had to send her (didnt realise it was compulsory 🤔) and asked me when I would apply for the funding as she would check up with them to make sure ive done it. So Im just wondering does my daughter have to go to nursery? She didnt make it sound optional put it that way. I also looked into it and from what I can gather I cant actually apply for the 2 year funding now anyway? If she was born in may? Does anyone know? But she was very insistent so I felt like I just had to agree. Just for context this is just an assesment and ive only just met her, my children arent on any “plans”

OP posts:

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snozzlemaid · 08/02/2019 23:08

No you won't be able to apply yet. If dc is 2 in May and you are eligible the funding would start in September.

Bobbycat121 · 08/02/2019 23:14

Thanks for clearing that up. She asked me when I will apply and I said wednesday and she said she would be calling the nursery to make sure its been done 🤔 atleast I can tell her that when she comes again.

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Maryann1975 · 08/02/2019 23:21

Funding would start the term after her birthday, so for a may birthday, funding would stat in September.
I imagine she is pushing you for childcare/nursery as part of her targets. Children who have access to good quality early years activities/sessions do better long term than those who don’t. I’m not saying you wouldn’t be doing those kind of activities with your dc anyway, but I imagine a lot of families the social worker deals with do need the support and their dc do benefit from the funded hours in childcare settings. It’s completely valid to not want to use a nursery for your dc, but can I ask what your reasons are for not accessing the funding? Would you consider using a childminder instead? Smaller setting, smaller ratios, more home based. You can use your funding for childminders too.

SparkleBanana · 08/02/2019 23:21

So Im just wondering does my daughter have to go to nursery?

I don’t think that any child has to attend nursery, it is up to the parent. I know of children who didn’t go anywhere before school.

I think funding starts the term after their birthday but I didn’t get the 2yo funding just the one that started when she was 3.

Bobbycat121 · 08/02/2019 23:36

No I wouldnt use a child minder.
I am at home as I am a carer for my older child so I dont see why I would send her to someone else to be looked after. (Nothing against working parents I get that but im not working so I dont feel its necessary.) I would only consider it once shes 3 as 2 is till tiny to me and as I said its not a necessity due to me being at home like I said. It makes sense that its to meet targets as she was very pushy. I was shocked when she said she would call them to make sure ive done it, so the nursery will be prejudging me before theyve even met me.

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MyDcAreMarvel · 08/02/2019 23:39

Just tell the se you don’t want to send your dd until she is three.

Bobbycat121 · 08/02/2019 23:45

She was so pushy I was worried to say that. I though I would just say “I will look into it” as its optional so I though, I didnt expect her to ask when so she could chase it up. I actually live near a childrens centre and she kept saying to send her to the nursery there (which I wouldnt chose myself) and that I need to go in there to get the forms as there will be waiting lists apparently.

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spinabifidamom · 09/02/2019 22:36

Nursery is optional. I initially decided to send DS and DD to nursery school when I was pregnant. However it was definitely not the best option.
I ended up relying on a independent childcare provider who lives in the area. It’s completely acceptable to use other forms of childcare but what made you feel uncomfortable with a nursery school? Why aren’t you not using the funding?
It’s there to help you. I use the funding to help pay for my current childcare provider. She works full time.

RomaineCalm · 09/02/2019 23:01

Is it possible that she was promoting nursery as a way of giving you a break and your DC time out of the house enabling you to spend time with your older DC?

You say that you are a carer for an older DC, that sounds like it might be hard - maybe this would give your younger DC chance to do some of the activities that are more difficult for you to do with them?

Bobbycat121 · 09/02/2019 23:24

No older dds at school so I get a break when she goes. I like being at home with my baby. I dont want to use the funding im happy as we are. Theres no rush (not that she would agree mind!)

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Isadora2007 · 09/02/2019 23:35

It’s not essential but I guess in some cases it can be strongly advised if it is deemed to be in the best interests of the child. Are there any concerns about normal development or socialising?

Bobbycat121 · 09/02/2019 23:41

There is no concerns about her development. I dont go to baby groups or play groups but she didnt ask so im not sure if she has concerns about that or not. Either way she wouldnt be able to go till september anyway (which she wont be) so im glad she will stop banging on about it.

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Piehunter · 09/02/2019 23:45

In a case where SS are involved it may well be seen as beneficial for a child to be attending nursery. School attendance for older children is seen as a protective factor, school can help monitor/report safeguarding concerns etc. Whilst nursery isn't compulsory for everyone it may well be being considered as part of a child in need/child protection plan following completion of assessment

MyDcAreMarvel · 09/02/2019 23:48

Is the sw a disability sw?

Bobbycat121 · 09/02/2019 23:51

No my daughters school reported me. Well im not going to send my baby to nursery so she can check up on me. Im hoping the case is closed soon as its just a referral at present and I will declining a “plan” if thats whats offered.

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Piehunter · 10/02/2019 00:10

You don't get to decline a plan. Well you can but "declining" a plan would (rightly) trigger concerns that you are not engaging with services to keep your children safe. After that legal proceedings can be triggered which mean that it's not voluntary for you to engage if certain thresholds are met.

Bobbycat121 · 10/02/2019 00:11

You can decline a plan. I know people who have.

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Piehunter · 10/02/2019 00:13

Fwiw children's services in my area are so busy that things that really cause no concern just involve a letter, no visits. If you've been visited, more than once, it sounds as though an assessment may be taking place and for that to happen things have to be at a certain level of concern. Your tone is very dismissive and defensive... ultimately if there's no reason for social services to be involved they'll be out of your hair very soon, they are struggling hugely and under immense pressure, they'll only stay involved of there are concerns :)

Piehunter · 10/02/2019 00:13

As I said, if concerns for wellbeing are high enough it may trigger legal proceedings which remove your choice.

Piehunter · 10/02/2019 00:15

In my experience parents with their child's best interests at heart don't decline plans, which are essentially structured support to help your children develop and thrive as well as possible and protect them from harm that you may be potentially unable to recognise/acknowledge

Bobbycat121 · 10/02/2019 00:23

I dont think its unusual to not want social services involved. Really does anyone? Ive barely eaten and its causing me stress tbh. Shes really picky and you can see my previous thread she was very obsessed with my ex partner being involved and that made me feel very uncomfortable. She also was complaining about me having no carpet on my stairs which I havent got round
to doing yet as I need to save up. I dont need someone hanging over
me causing me stress.

OP posts:

Bobbycat121 · 10/02/2019 00:25

And my daughter isnt at risk of harm, shes struggling at school. I believe the school have been very ott and will be putting her in a special school which will be more understanding of her needs.

OP posts:

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Littlefish · 15/02/2019 21:46

The threshold for Children's services becoming involved, or even doing an initial assessment is very high. If your dd's school have expressed concerns, then they must be pretty significant concerns for children's services to be looking into them.

Whilst their recommendations may be optional, you will certainly draw attention to yourself if you ignore the suggestions.

Abbazed · 04/05/2019 19:31

Op please apply for a 2 years nursery place for your child. It's only 15 hours of funding so not long at all. It's win win. Nursery is fun. It gives you a break.

What are the concerns op?

As SW is safeguarding you can't decline plan. Work with them don't be rude. Keep your kids.

Abbazed · 04/05/2019 19:32

Op don't make any changes to her school. Suck it up. What are her needs?

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