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How disruptive is changing nursery and school? WWYD?

(12 Posts)
strawberrybubblegum Wed 20-Apr-16 06:02:42

DD (3) has been at a lovely preschool since January. She struggled to settle in (crying every morning and begging me not to go), but now seems fairly happy. She likes the adults, especially her key person - and they have a really good ratio of adults/children.

She doesn't seem to have specific friends (she does occasionally mention a name, but when I ask whether she plays with that child she says no) and preschool have said she doesn't really join play with other children and prefers to be with the adults. I think this is a maturity and social skills issue (which we are working on).

She's been offered a place from September at a really nice school nursery. However, she won't get into Reception at that school since we're not close enough (they have twice as many nursery as Reception places). I don't think the nursery at our catchment school is right for her: it's a very busy, noisy environment (3 form entry all together) and she struggles with that.

I think that it might help her to be in a school type environment for a year before Reception, to make Reception less of a shock, so I'm thinking of accepting the school nursery place we've been offered.

But how much does it affect children to change multiple times? She'd be moving this September after 2 terms at her first place, then again the following September to start Reception.

She isn't a child who finds change easy. On the other hand, I actually suspect that she would find the slightly more structured environment of a school nursery easier than complete freeflow where she's aware of her social struggle (I'm not projecting here - she said from the start that she didn't like preschool because she had no friends). She does really need to learn those social skills, and whichever environment helps her most with that is probably best.

redcaryellowcar Wed 20-Apr-16 06:34:20

I have mixed views. I think minimising change is best, but i would move Either DC if I thought they were desperately unhappy. I do wonder if she's just not got onto making friends yet, my dc1 went to nursery for one and a half terms before making a lovely friend, who at 5, and despite them going to different schools, he still sees.
You are her mum and you know her best. Have you taken her to see school nursery that she has a place at? Her reaction might be interesting? Also if they take literally twice as many children than they have re emotion places for, have you asked where the half tend to go?

AllPowerfulLizardPerson Wed 20-Apr-16 06:49:04

I'd reconsider moving her.

The whole reception year is about getting used to a school environment and I don't quite follow your thought process that thinks itMs desirable to start this even earlier. Though I'm not too sure you could, because nurseries aren't that different one form another. Have you been to look at the school nursery? Is it really that different from her current one?

DC arrive to complete the EYFS (same approach covering one year 3+ and one year 4+ ie reception) from all sorts of previous activities: no preschool at all, part time attendance, lots of organised activities or none at all etc, etc, etc. There is no particular advantage to a pre-school attached to a school - unless you know it is a much better fit for your DC (and if you were sure, would you have needed a thread to ask?) or your DC is likely to be heading for the school and that school run is convenient so it may as well be that one.

Lilaclily Wed 20-Apr-16 06:50:41

I'd leave her where she's happy

Lilaclily Wed 20-Apr-16 06:52:01

Over thinking the future can ruin her present experiences
A lot can happen in two years , and any good preschool will prepare your child for school

CodyKing Wed 20-Apr-16 06:52:52

Kids lives change every day - something new to learn somewhere new to go - new people new friends -

She'd settle if that's what you chose -

LIZS Wed 20-Apr-16 07:02:42

Why does she need to leave her preschool? Can you leave her there until Reception, as they follow the same curriculum.

HSMMaCM Wed 20-Apr-16 10:18:56

I wouldn't move her unless there's a good reason (she's unhappy, you hate the drive, or whatever). If you are really concerned about how she is interacting socially then talk to her key worker. Their response should tell you whether she needs to move.

MigGril Wed 20-Apr-16 10:36:12

Unless she would go to the attached school I don't see the advantage in going to the school nursery. They all have to follow the same EYFS, so if you don't think the school nursery where she would get a place is a good match she's probably better off stay at preschool.

My youngest who was one of the youngest in the year missed school nursery and just did preschool then straight to reception without a problem. So did a few of her class mates. We also didn't know which school she'd get into and I didn't want her moving twice.

Round hear the school nursery do work with there attached school, getting them ready to move up. Which may make her feel left out if she doesn't go up with a lot of the other children, another reason why we didn't move DD at that time.

NotCitrus Wed 20-Apr-16 10:43:59

If she's taken a while to settle and is happy, I'd leave her.
I moved my dd at Christmas because most of her peers had gone to school nurseries and she was getting bored - she settled in to school nursery OK but it was a bit of a shock going from oldest and most competent to one of 20 similar kids. Ds went straight from same day nursery to Reception with no problem.

strawberrybubblegum Wed 20-Apr-16 22:31:55

Hmm.. Opinion seems to be fairly overwhelmingly for leaving her where she is!

redcaryellowcar - we've visited the other nursery, and she liked it - in fact when we spoke about schools recently she said she wanted to go to the one where the headmaster shook her hand, which was that one. I was quite impressed at that too - seemed to show an ethos of respect towards both teachers and children. But she's 3 so it might equally be that she just liked the colour of the walls! She really liked her current preschool when we first went to visit too: it was only when she had to stay there without me that it became a problem!

The children who don't go to reception (and it's actually more than half, since some children who get into reception didn't go to nursery!) go to other local schools. The only other school nursery we are close enough to is very big and busy and I think DD would struggle there - certainly at the moment.

AllPowerfulLizardPerson - it is quite different, I think. Her current place is very gentle, with a lot of adults who are always ready to give the children a hug - which is why we chose it! A school nursery and reception has only 2 adults for 30 children, and the children are expected to be more independent. That seems a lot to get used to in one go without also going straight to 7 hours/day 5 days/week at the same time. DD currently does 5 hours each on 3 days - and struggles more each day as the week progresses.

Lilac lily 'overthinking the future can ruin her current experiences' - I really like that, and I'll make sure I remember it! It really is her current experience I'm trying to improve. She isn't really unhappy at her current preschool, but she doesn't seem really happy there either. Other people always seem to say that their children don't want to leave nursery at pickup. That's definitely not the case for us. In fact, if we don't go for some reason on a nursery day, she's delighted. This morning (preschool day), she was really sad and didn't want to get out of bed. I just want her to be happy, and enjoy what should be a fun and interesting time. Of course, it could be the same or worse if we change - but part of me can't help wondering whether it might be better elsewhere. That is probably just a case of the grass looking greener though!

CodyKing and Lizs - Yes, I think both of those are true. I don't think either option would be disastrous: she could stay and that would be OK, she could move and would eventually settle. I just can't figure out/decide which option would make her happier/struggle least!

HSMMacM: I've spoken to her key person, and I'm not really worried - more just concerned that it's making her unhappy, and recognise how important those social skills are.

MigGril and NotCitrus - It's good to hear these things. At this point, I don't think DD would be bothered about not moving up - but I guess in a years time, her awareness and desire to fit in will be much stronger!

strawberrybubblegum Wed 20-Apr-16 22:40:59

Thank you all for the opinions, it has certainly made me consider new things!

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