How do I make an informed choice about sending DS to pre-school?

[pipo]

DS and I go to our local mother and toddler group which feeds into the local pre-school which feeds into the local primary school (which I want him to go to).
My dilemma is that DS is expected to start pre-school between 2 and 2 1/2 which I feel is a bit soon (he is 2 next month so I am stsrting to panic).
I'm sure that he would enjoy it if he went but then as a SAHM I feel equally capable of entertaining him.
How did other mnsnetters make an informed choice of the best course to take?
Does anyone know of any links to relevant research on this?

[littlerach]

If you don't want him to go yet, then wait.
2 is quite young, often they have to be 3.

Think you have to go with what you feel i sbest.

[bubblerock]

I'm at home with mine too and not needing childcare makes it really difficult to decide when to send them doesn't it? Mine turned 3 in November so is now entitled to 5 sessions free per week - he starts on Monday, it's only 2.5 hours and we'll see how he gets on. hopefully he will love it but if he doesn't at least I have the option of not sending him.
If you feel that your DS isn't ready yet then leave it a while, 2 does seem early to me for pre school.

[pipo]

I'm inclined not to send him at 2 or even 2 1/2 but the other children that have been to mother and toddler have all gone on to pre-school at 2 so I seem to be having to make a positive decision to keep him at home. To be honest I am dreading going to M and T next week as I know they are going to ask what DS will be doing.

[HEIFER]

I put DD in nursery for 2 morning a week when she was 2.. It was supposed to be short time thing when my mum was very ill with cancer.. but she loved it soo much that I kept her in..

she is just 3 and about to start preschool (they don't start until 3 here)... she will be going 2 morning (2.5 hrs) a week...

I wouldn;t go more than 2 mornings a week at age 2, but may be worth seeing how he gets on.. you can always pull out if he doesn't like it..

I was amazed how much DD enjoyed it, which made be feel very releived when I put her in nursery....

[Skribble]

Where I am they stagger the starts so they are all at least 3 yrs before starting pre school, (well anti pre-school). DD was more than ready at 3 but not all are and a couple of mornings or afternoons only do suit some, and some wait until the Aug of the next year and just do 1 pre-school year.

I would phone and arrange a visit to the nursery and have a chat to see what would suit you and your DS best.

[Clayhead]

I work part time in a pre-school and started my ds when he was 3 and dd at 2.9 (which fell at the beginning of term). I personally feel that, at our pre-school, anything under 3 or nearly 3 is too young.

Lots of children just do a year before school and so start when they are 3 and a few months and still seem to get as much out of it socially and educationally, IMHO.

[pooka]

DD did 2 X 3 hour sessions at preschool from 2.5 years. They were so oversubscribed that wouldn't have offered more even if I had wanted.
At 3 she increased to 3 x 3 hour sessions.
She is now 3.5 and does 2 mornings plus lunch and one full day. I wont be increasing the number of sessions in September (the next and last opportunity before she starts school) though I might change the days.

DS will not be able to start until he is 3 (September baby, intakes only in Jan and September, won't take children under the age of 2.5). I think that will be fine for him. Read somewhere that boys sometimes benefit from starting school/nursery at an older age than girls.

I personally would not have been keen for either of mine to start at 2 - can't think of any benefits. And if you start your ds at 3, he's still got at least 18months of pre-school to settle into that type of environment and make friends with future schoolmates.

[Skyler]

Trust your instincts. Why not take him for a visit? Here I know of plenty of 3.5 yo who still don't use the 5 sessions. Where I lived before it seeemed everyone started at 3 for all 5 sessions.

[Surfermum]

DD started at 2.6 for a couple of sessions and I think it was a little early. She was absolutely fine there, would be a little clingy when I left her but seemed to be able to take it or leave it.

My friend's dd went in without a backwards glance and would refuse to leave when she was picked up.

Another friend's ds screamed and cried whenever he was left and it was really upsetting for his mum.

They're all different and it doesn't matter if the others are going to start, if you don't think your dd is ready, don't start her. You might find in 6 months you'll feel she is ready. When dd started I wouldn't have put her in all day, but 6 months later, at just over 3 she was ready for it.

And if that lot at P&T get all judgmental on you come and moan to us about them!

[nearlythree]

We have the same situation and I hate the attitude that if you go to M&T then you will automatically join pre-school at the first opportunity. I started both dds the half-term after they turned two. Dd1 was obviously ready and loved it, but dd2 has surprised me - I was just testing the water but she adores it and I can really notice her missing it over Christmas. I did two morning a week for the first year, then three, then four until leaving with dd1 - with dd2 I might put her up to three mornings sooner as she has so much energy and gets a lot more bored at home.

I think Steve Biddulph is very critical of nursery care for dss at a young age. Is your ds happy at home or do you think he is bored? Do you give him lots of othe ropportunities for socialising? Does he get to do crafts etc? If so I would leave it, most of my friend's boys started at three and I know of two boys whose mums were asked to defer starting as their dss were not ready until then.

[pipo]

Thank you for all your replies.

Pooka and Heifer, can you remember if there were any changes in your DDs (positive or negative) from going to pre-school?

The M and T that we go to one morning a week is in the same building and with the same teacher as the pre-school that is on the other 4 mornings a week so he knows the set up and likes the teacher already - which is why I find it hard to say no.

BUT I have just been to check he is asleep and he is still in a cot so why am I thinking he should be going to pre-school?

[pipo]

Nearlythree - I think it is the socialising that is the one thing he misses out on at home ( we go out every day and do crafts and we have pets,we see GPs every other day and other elderly relatives once a week but he is an only child and apart from M and T he sees no other children. And I think the cut off for M and T is 2 1/2 so if I don't put him in pre-school until 3 or 3 1/2 he will have 6 to 12 mnths with no other children).

[pooka]

Hmmm. I actually can't think of any massive changes in dd. I do remember thinking "wow - there's part of her life that I am excluded from" when I'd ask her what she'd done and she'd just reply "played" with a secretive smile.
She certainly became more confident with other children. Before she was more into adult-pleasing IYSWIM. But suddenly she was very interested in particular playmates.
I was very concerned before she started at how she would settle in - she hadn't really been away from me apart for an 10 month period when I was working 2 days a week and my mother looked after her. But at the time she started pre-school she'd been with me (because I'd been on maternity leave) alone for about 9 months. But she was completely wobble-free.
She wasn't entirely potty trained when she started (the pre-school had no problem with this) but within a few weeks I made the effort and she was in knickers all the time.
I have to say that now she's 3.5 she's more prone to being tired/emotional/stroppy after pre-school and is definitely going through a phase of mummy rejection (sometimes). But I think that might have happened regardless.

[HEIFER]

definately positive (especially considering what was going on at home at the time - my mum sadly passed away not long after)...

she is naturally quite shy, but after a brief settling in period, she has really come out of her shell, especially with children...(she was always really good with adults anyway)...

also improved with eating. fussy eater before, but she has had food at nursery she would never eat at home... and now I know she will eat it, I don;t give in so easily..

just seem to blossom all round really... she was ready. and I didn't realise it..

i honestly thought that am i was a SAHM she would be better of with me.. but I was wrong.. it is about balance...

2 mornings a week nursery and the rest with me worked for us really well..

I don't think you will know how he will be until you try...

I have no idea if nursery is different to preschool (about to find out). but if thye take them that early then they must be able to cater for their needs just as well..

good luck... I am sure he will be fine, and if you aren't happy then pull him out and try later.

[nearlythree]

What about Tumble Tots, or a music group? Swimming club? Or could you ask a friend from M&Ts around for a play date?

TBH I'm shocked that a M&T group has an age limit, that seems to me to be a policy to force you to choose to send your dcs to pre-school. I'd seriously look elsewhere for a while.

[pooka]

Would it be possible for you to maybe try with a limited number of sessions (maybe 2) from 2.5 and see how it goes. You can be led by him to a certain extent - if he loves it, and you value the time to yourself, then you could increase to 3 sessions at a later stage.
Thinking about it, dd has definitely become more sociable since she started (but again - might have happened naturally).
But I wouldn't have been happy with her starting at 2. Partly because she was not particularly articulate at that stage (her language took off when her brother was born when she was 2.2). I found myself more comfortable knowing that she could express herself to the carers and to me about how she was feeling about the whole experience.

[pipo]

Mmmm - that is another point - DS can't speak yet apart from 'mam' and 'car' so that is another tick in the no column. I think we can choose how many sessions to attend each week, from 1 to 4.

[nearlythree]

I do think being able to communicate is important. My dd2's speech isn't as clear as her sister's was at teh same age but she can make herself understood and tells me all about her morning on the way home. If your ds is in nappies he will need to be able to say he needs changing.

[pooka]

Personally I would leave it for a while, until he's 2.5. And then I'd start smallscale with 2 sessions (preferably on consecutive days) and see how it pans out.

[pipo]

Thanks again for all your replies.I think definitely need to leave it until he's 2.5 before I try to come to any sort of decision ( I will have to fob them off til then) and hopefully he will be able to say a few more words and at least be able to say if his nappy needs changing if not potty trained by then.He will be 2.5 in August so would not need to go to pre-school until Sept so will be 2.6 so I suppose he will be alot different by then.

I think I have made a positive decision to defer my decision for 6 mnths!!

[pooka]

Good for you! There is a lot of pressure I think to get little ones into school. dd loves it, but I do find that it eats into our week, particularly when it comes to booking time with 3 sets of grandparents and meeting up with post-natal friends. I know everything will change in that respect when dd starts school, but I'm happy to delay as long as I can while striking a good balance between home and school in the meantime.

[nearlythree]

I second that, pooka! Pipo, I think you have made the right choice!

[UCM]

Bubblerock my DS starts on Wednesday with his 5 free sessions and I am a bit apprehensive as it seems so.... grown up - arrghhhhh.

They said to me 'we are a 5 day nursery and expect XX to be here every day'

It's shockingly scary.

[nearlythree]

That seems a bit full-on of them!

[UCM]

I thought that, I mean it's not school is it?

Was thinking that I wont be able to take off on my days off anymore. All of a sudden I am tied to DS schooling - it's not nice.