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Issue with my sons nursery, advice please

(7 Posts)
Mammabear07 Fri 22-Jan-16 00:30:21

I'm writing on here as I am at my wits end with my sons school which he attends nursery with. He was 3 in the July and a late potty trainer at just before his birthday, although he is still learning to wipe his bottom which I was assured wasn't an issue as some were still in nappies, it started when as he has half days I was in the office to pick him up and he had managed to walk down from his class without a teacher and was waiting in the office and they didn't know he was there or how or when he had been there since. I went a little bit upset and told them to keep more of a watchful eye on him as anyone could have left with him and that if anything of the same nature happened again I would make a complaint. The next issue is excuse the vulgarity over the past three months as well as complaining that other children are pushing him over and pinching him, him locking himself into the toilet at school so he doesn't have to go and play with one of the children who picked on him, none of this being mentioned to me by the teachers just my son and the marks on him, over the past three months he keeps getting given to me at the office with skid marks in his pants, he hasn't had an accident since he learned to use the potty he is a hygiene freak, but I know he cannot wipe his own bottom, and I have explained this time and time again and also that my three year old should not be taking himself to the toilet the older children share those toilets and they should know where he is. All the time. Today was his first day back after a chest infection and he has come back with pinch markings on his arm saying a boy at school did it, I mentioned it to the teachers when I was picking him up, to which I was told they didn't see anyone pinching him but they would keep an eye out. My son should be attending full time like all of his class mates but I am too scared that he is not being taken care of properly, or that I'll come to pick him up at 3 and he will have skid marks that could of been there all day.

I am awfully sorry for the length of this I'm just a mum pulling her hair out as he is my first child I don't know what's over reacting or what I just wrong for the school. But any advice would be great
Y appreciated. Thank you all very much

BackforGood Fri 22-Jan-16 18:45:53

It might help if you could separate out the issues, as the block of text is a bit confusing.

I can answer the skid marks issue - that's perfectly normal when a child is first toilet trained. Nothing to get worked up about. No, they shouldn't be taking him to the toilet. In a school Nursery, children take themselves to the toilet. There will be a staff ratio of 1:13, the staff will be engaging, interacting with, and teaching the children, not inividually taking them all to the toilet.

Re him getting to the office from the Nursery - yes, sounds like an issue, but sounds like an issue to be dealt with at the time. If it hasn't happened since then it would appear it has been fixed.

Part time hours - The vast majority of dc attend for 15 hours per week, as funded by the Government to cover their early Education. There are a few reasons why individual children are awarded 30 hours, but usually it's for SEN or particular family circumstances. why do you think everyone else in the Nursery is on full time hours?

The pinching doesn't sound good - that would be where I would focus my energy, in trying to get to the bottom of what is happening there.

Have I missed anything ?

Akire Fri 22-Jan-16 18:53:21

Agree about skid marks its impossible to follow a child every time they go to the toilet then wait to see if it's a wee or a poo. Then wait around until they have finished. You would need a full time member of staff for that.

The bullying/punching should be addressed though. If he's 3 he should be in separate group from older children? Most school nurserys let reception and possible year 1/2 share a playground but nurserys almost always have own yards and toilets.

Mammabear07 Fri 22-Jan-16 19:21:09

Thank you both very much,
I apologise for the large text I was up at about 1am writing this :')

Thank you both very much for your feedback and I will be keeping a diary of pinches and also mentioning it to the teachers,

Back for good, I'm not sure if its just my sons nursery school but all of the nursery children have been offered full time 9-3 placements, but as my son is the youngest I've been giving him more time to settle before he starts the full days

Akire: this school has a girls and boys loo shared with the nursery reception and year 5&6's, and they mix the nursery and reception children frequently into one group

But thank you very much! Youve settled my brain an enormous amount, so thank you for taking the time smile

RebeccaRHY1 Wed 20-Apr-16 22:47:45

Agree with backforgood...

The skid marks perfectly normal. The children have to take themselves to the toilet and this prepares them for school too.
It is not the nurserys job to wipe bums.
I know its not nice to think your childs had a dirty bum for a few hours but in the grand scheme of things id rather he could go to the toilet unaided and have a poo mark then need help everytime.

Alot of nursery is preparing tour child for school. My son often comes out with coat on upsidedown shoes on wrong feet etc but the point is they are supporting them to care for themselves and to check every child is almost impossible.

The corridor situation i would be annoyed at. However in my nursery. Children are allowed to go up and down the corridor and there are very strict policies in place regarding opening the access doors to the school. Like they literally never get open without certain checks. so it wouldnt have been so much of an issue. Maybe check their saftey policies. But like backforgood says it seems to have been dealt with

The nipping/pinching part would concern me. My son went threw a phase of coming out of nursery regularly with new scratches on his face, some close to his eyes. He told me which boy was grabbing his face and also mentioned this boy wasnt very nice to others in his class too. Pulling hair, hitting etc. a talk to his teacher made them change class groups around tho and pay more attention to this boy and now him and my son are friends and theres no more problems. I will add my son has also been kicked and hit by his good friends at nursery. And has also hit out a friend himself.

While i know these are our precious babies and you dont want them upset or hurt and your probably still dealing with leaving them away from you at all emotionally. What you have to realise with nurserys is these are all very young children. They are all learning how to behave and how to act. Other than home its the first real environment where they have to learn rules and ettiquet, and sharing and empathising. Most of these children will never have been around so many kids at once. It can be very overwhelming. It is alot to learn .and children do get frustrated they do hit kick throw things, they do bite.
Any emotional/physical frustration can lead to some form of acting out.

Speak to your childs teachers and together try and work out whats happening and how to best deal with it.. Is your child being targetted? Or is this happening to others too? Is it one person doing it? Or a few?

I hope you get to the bottom of that part and can sort it out.

RebeccaRHY1 Wed 20-Apr-16 22:52:58

Also just read your comment about mixing kids from older years. Maybe discuss that with our childs teacher?! How long are they mixed up for per session!? Why do they do it!? It may put your kind at ease to understand whats going on there too.
I had a concern with my son when they started introducing just turned three year olds into his class when he was 4 and supposed to be preparing for school. I fet surely this must hold the older ones back. Like how do they still learn their phonics and spelling etc. but on talking to the teacher she told me the way it works. And that they are separate for some of the time. And the rest of the time they use the older kids to teach and almost mentor the younger ones and both sets of children learn through doing this. It was quite interesting to here why they did it the way they did.

navitasharma Wed 11-May-16 12:53:06

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

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