Nervous mum - Mother and Toddler Group

[beaner07]

Not sure if this is in the right section or not but here goes.

I want to start taking ds to Mother and Toddler Group but keep putting it off because I am so nervous. I have never taken him to anything like this before but I don't want him to end up like me and just wondered if anyone had any tips to make it easier so that I don't pass any of my anxieties on to him. Thanks.

[Tili]

Hi beaner07.
Where abouts are you? Do you have a sure start scheme nearby?
Sure start tend to do lots of activities for mums and there little ones,theres no pressure to be majorly involved in anything and in my experience the staff are very friendly and really put you at ease.
The other thing to remember is that lots of people get nervous going into something they havent been to before your not alone.
Try and go along to one let your ds go off and have a bit of a play get yourself a cuppa sit down and you will be surprised at how the other mums will make you feel welcome.

[MissyBabee]

hi there,
IKWUM, i get nervous about those kind of things but you have to go for the child's sake. I usually find the best approach to take is to tell yourself that it's only one hour (say) out of your entire life and if it's awful, you can always leave, never go back etc. usually, i find the reverse is true and actually enjoy myself! you just need to make yourself go the first time and then you'll know what to do etc the next time. it's fear of the unknown really.

[mumfor1standfinaltime]

beaner, I used to feel like this, it doesn't last.
I started off with just taking ds to the local library where they hold a 'sing song' session which lasts only half an hour. It is free and very relaxed. I used to turn up way before the session started - this will relax you and baby,just get used to your surroundings and sit down and play together - when other people come in you are already there and settled in!
Sounds odd, but worked for me!
I also have a soft play area centre near me which isn't too expensive, I take ds once a month, he plays and I can have a cuppa.

I also go to my local park, there are lots of mums there who I can chat to - just say hi and chat about the weather, you could make a friend.


Find something you want to do, don't go to anything that you don't want to. It should be fun and relaxing. Most important thing to remember - all mums feel like this at one time or another, I think they would be lying if they said otherwise!

[MissyBabee]

that's exactly what i did, got to the library early to check it out first! the whole thing was over and done with in about 20 minutes - quick as a flash - great way to get yourself out and about with the little one.

[mumfor1standfinaltime]

Glad I'm not the only one Missybabee! It does help to 'check things out'. Makes you feel more at ease.

[foulmoonfiend]

It is hard. Take some Rescue Remedy before you walk in.
When you walk in, make eye contact with as many people as possible and smile - even if you feel like turning round and bolting
Find a mum with a pleasant smiley face and ask if you can sit next to her.
Compliment people on their kids is a good tactic;
if you find making conversation hard going, ask advice about something like 'this seems like a nice group - do you go to any others? What are they like? etc',
find the leader and introduce yourself as a new mum and say something like ''I don't know many people in this area''.
Remeber that many other people feel the same so if people seem 'stand-offish' they may just be as shy as you are.
Don't worry if you don't find a 'new best friend' straight away, sometimes you may find nobody you 'click' with but can find several perfectly nice people to pass the time with.
Good luck, and hope you enjoy yourself.

[PinkTulips]

im just like you, totally antisocial and terrifid of groups of people i don't know. i've started running out of excuses though and am starting to take dd to some m&t groups and parenting site meet-ups.

my top tip is....... arrive early! i know it sounds silly but i find if i'm there before everyone else it saves me the trauma of walking in to a large group of people i don't know, who are all probably chatting away to each other already. i can introduce my self to one mom at a time as they arrive.

it also helps to remember, worst case scenario, ye don't get on, you don't enjoy it and you never have to go again.... hardly the end of the world!

[beaner07]

Thanks everyone for your replies,they are a REALLY BIG HELP and I'm glad I am not the only one.

I will definitely try arriving early, that sounds like a great idea, I hadn't even thought of that and was dreading walking in for the first time.

Tili, we are in Manchester, I think there are some Surestart ones in the info I have received. Will double check, thanks.