Hi, I really need some advice please. My 3 yr old DD has attended the nursery of a private school since Sept 2013 for half days (mon to fri). She is late August born. she initially struggled with tiredness and her behaviour suffered moderately during the settling in period. There were 4 separate biting incidents since Sept 2013 (biting 4 different children on separate unrelated occasions) which was a bit of a shock to us as she had never bitten anybody before. Re. the biting, i was horrified and mortified and called the parent of the bitten child to apologise (and all graciously accepted and insisted it wasn't a big deal). We also dealt with it by getting dd to make a sorry card for the child she had bitten and by repeatedly firmly telling her that biting was totally unacceptable and wrong. She definitely understands right from wrong. In addition to the biting, there were other smaller occasional incidents reported by her teacher (eg. Pushing, crankiness - again usually at the end of the session), and the odd tantrum/unwillingness to cooperate or petty behaviour such as on one occasion innocently painting another DD's face during arts and crafts). The teacher handled each incident in a manner if ways ranging from timeouts in another classroom, sending her to the headmistress (which was totally lost on my 3 year old dd!) and on a school trip she kicked a stranger who was standing near her). There were long periods of very good behaviour interrupted by random incidents described above. DD is considered very bright, sociable etc. albeit feisty and knows her own mind. On the last biting occasion, the head recommended she go for counselling to address the sporadic misbehaviour. I consulted a child psychologist who insisted we had nothing to worry about - not totally abnormal / alarming 3 year old behaviour in his opinion as long as we keep reinforcing message that its totally inappropriate which we go to great lengths about). Yesterday , I was called in by the head and teacher to say that DD's reception place for Sept would be withdrawn as it was in the school's best interests in light of her behaviour - I must add that there has been, I feel, a great deal of drama/over-reaction (except for biting incidents which were truly justified) relating to every trivial incident - my dd who us very perspective for her age, has no doubt picked up on many of the labels she has been inadvertently attributed. I didnt know what to say or how to react to that news- and am extremely upset and shocked by it all. we have on all occasions cooperated unbelievably with all the staff to help our dd address the behaviours and in our last PT mtg, it was observed that huge process had been made. I gently explained to dd that she wouldn't be able to go to her school in Sept and she is absolutely heartbroken (cried all the way home and wouldn't stop talking about it) - she loves her friends and really is happy at the school. I'm of the opinion that we should move on since the school clearly doesn't want her but OH is furious and thinks we should pursue this and get a proper explanation. However, at such short notice in the school year and with no viable state school options (which is why we opted for an independent school in the first place,what are our options? We are considering a move to another area with better state schools but I'm not optimistic about being offered an 'in year' place after Sept. since we've missed the deadline for this year's admissions and had accepted the reception place at her current school. to complicate matters, we have another baby on the way in Sept. I didn't grow up here and am so confused. I did call a few independent schools last week in light of the move we were considering anyway but was told zero chance of dd getting a place in Sept 2014. Can anybody offer any words of wisdom? Can anybody comment on school's decision to exclude dd from reception next year? I feel like such a failure as a mother. DD is adored, she is generally such a happy soul and I know she can be very wilful - we consistently strive to give her boundaries but I know in my heart that the negative aspects to her behaviour are all surmountable. i feel like the school has just decided she doesn't fit into whatever mould is expected and have given up on her ( one comment by the head as I was quite rudely rushed out of the meeting room was that we needed to hurry to wrap up our discussion as dd was probably biting or hitting someone while we were chatting - ridiculous!) ive always been very calm and polite with them but feel angry now. There was no suggestion to work together to find a solution - they said they felt they had exhausted all avenues. Many thanks.
Apols for typos - iPhone at 5am...
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Help please-3 year old to be excluded from Reception
36 replies
twinkletoes20 · 14/05/2014 05:13
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