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Not happy with DD's first day at nursery, how did your Dc's first day/week go?

(28 Posts)
superconfused10 Thu 05-Sep-13 10:53:44

DD 2.10 started a montessori nursery on Tuesday. I thought I would be staying with her for the first hour and then bring her back the next day and try moving away or sitting outside. This is not what happened DD walked through the doors and the manager told me to let her go and just to leave her! I said no I wanted to say goodbye and settle her in she said it will only make her cry and best no to. She said I could wait outside and she will let me know if she cries. She came out 10 mins later said she was fine and I could go home and pick her up at the end of the session which was full 3 hours. I said I wasn't happy leaving her that long on her first and would be back after an hour.
When I went back to collect DD was really upset and had cried a bit. I know this is normal for the first few days but just feel she should have been weaned in gently and not just not left on her first day in a new place with strangers She had cried but not overly and told her key worked that she was missing mummy. .
Also Key worker said it was best to let her stay for the full session the next day as otherwise she will get use to leaving early. Part of me just wants to scream and say its the first week surely the settling in process should be about getting them use to the environment and gently increasing the time spent there the way they have done is it basically just thrown her in at the deep end. I've been put off the nursery as to me this was an important process and don't feel it was handled well and or in the way they said it would be and not what is stated in the handbook.

I didnt send her in yesterday spoke to the manager told her my concerns she said it was the best and quickest way to settle them otherwise I would end up spending a couple of weeks settling her in, but that is fine by me. She said I could stay with her if I wanted. So I took her today went in to my surprise all mothers just left their children which is fine if that's their choice but then this made me feel I am being over sensitive and I should just leave DD even though she didn't want me to go. Anyway I left after half an hour as I didn't feel welcome told DD I was going outside and would be back soon. She was fine. Key worked told me to come back after the full session.

I'm just not happy with the way the first week has gone, basically there is not settling in procedure it's just drop of your child and go.

Is what happened normal am I just being oversensitive?

hardboiledpossum Mon 09-Sep-13 22:19:05

I've worked in nurseries that have encouraged parents to drop and run and others that have encouraged parents to stay fir as many session.s as they felt best. Children cried a lot less in the latter and seemed much happier and more relaxed.

Imsosorryalan Mon 09-Sep-13 22:27:09

Please don't listen to the posters saying you are being precious!

My dd is the same age as yours and 6 months ago I tried the drop and go method at a nursery. She had never been away from me and they told me just to leave! Stupidly I did, even though in my gut I knew she wouldn't settle. After 8 'settling' sessions I pulled her out. She was so upset that she cried if we even past the nursery on the way to somewhere else! I still feel guilty that I didn't intervene sooner. She still talks about it today, how she was crying at nursery and mummy wasn't there!hmm

She started another preschool this week, and I have been encouraged by the staff to stay with her..for as long as it takes! We are both happier and even after 1 session, she was off playing without me so I don't think it will take long.
Oh and before anyone says anything, she isn't my first!

Only you know your child and what they need. If your not happy, look elsewhere. Good luck

tapdancingmum Sun 22-Sep-13 23:32:21

I run a pre-school and we have had some new starters this week. I always go with what the parents want to do and will offer my advice when needed. One parent will drop and go as she knows her ds will be fine after a few minutes. Another one spent the whole morning with us on his first day then dropped and left on his second. He spent a good 5 minutes crying at the door so I took some activities to him rather than trying to get him to join in with the other children. This calmed him enough to join in with the rest after about 20 minutes but he couldn't cope with the full 3 hours so I phoned mum to collect after 2. He is coming back tomorrow and I will chat with her and go along with her wishes.

All children and parents are different in the way they want to do the first few sessions and I will always defer to their wishes. If they want to stay and play and drink coffee with us that's fine but if they want to leave at the door after saying a firm goodbye that is also fine.

I hope that by doing it the way we do ensures we are meeting the needs of the child AND the parent.

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