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How to encourage daughter to be helped/shown/taught stuff

(9 Posts)
ManTim Sun 04-Aug-13 14:00:27

My daughter (4.5yr) has many moments of being happily receptive to instructions or to be taught something but she is equally often inexplicably stubborn - Telling me 'I know how to do it' as I try to help when she is so clearly floundering and has no clue.

It's as if there's some kind of dogmatic 'pride' mechanism going-on and she can't bear to lose face by being shown how to do something that she's already told me she can do; fix her shoes, read a sentence, play an instrument

I am curious to know what techniques other parents have used to encourage their child from the dogmatic into the responsive.


AndHarry Sun 04-Aug-13 20:10:30

I just let my DS get on with it TBH. I think independently figuring something out and/or dealing with frustration is as important as whatever the 'lesson' is. Or that's my lazy mum excuse anyway grin

Layl77 Sun 04-Aug-13 20:15:27

Oh I have one of these too! Sometimes letting them try and praising what did work then offering to help works. Or say can I show you what I do/how I do it.

magnumicelolly Sun 04-Aug-13 22:07:04

Let her get on with it- struggling and failing is an important part of learning. If someone else shows you how to do it, it isn't as significant when you manage it, you might not even fully understand what you've been shown in the same way as if you figure it out yourself.

ManTim Sun 04-Aug-13 22:49:11

I am doing as you describe, as sensitively to hear pride as possible. It's just that I see her getting so cross with herself sometimes, if only she'd ask for a little help she could keep her pride intact

insancerre Mon 05-Aug-13 10:27:17

Children learn by doing, not by being told or even shown.
Let her figure it out herself. You could try some modelling, where you do what she is attempting to do alongside and give a running commentary of what you are doing.

insancerre Mon 05-Aug-13 10:30:05

Pressed post too soon. The buzzword at the moment in pre-school education is critical thinking. Instead of always telling them what they need to do, the emphasis is on allowing children to think about it. Plant the seed, ask them 'how can we do this?, what can we do to make this easier? what could we do differently? what will happen if we...?'

zingally Thu 08-Aug-13 13:33:25

Just let them get on with it. It can be frustrating, particularly if you're in a rush to do something else, but do them try. Otherwise, how would we ever learn anything?

Make yourself clearly available to help though. "You don't want any help at the moment? Okay. Let me know if I can help you in a minute."

If she does then ask for help, say something like "I'm glad you are letting me help you. What would you like me to do?"

These are the strategies I use with my occasionally stubborn reception children. The second comment is particularly useful, because it still lets the child keep ownership of what they are trying to do. You are then following their lead, rather than just taking over the whole operation. It also shows that you are happy to, and enjoy, interacting with them.

kimmills222 Thu 08-Aug-13 18:58:32

Kids learn by doing stuff themselves. Maybe you should let her be. My niece always goes 'I know mom' when she's told something, so I know what you are saying. She feels good about anything that she's accomplished on her own, however incorrect it may be in our eyes. It's all just so normal.

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