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Advice please - 3yo DD screaming at drop-off at preschool - your views on this approach?

(5 Posts)
OhGood Sat 11-May-13 18:34:01

DD is on her 4th day at preschool, 2 mornings a week. She also goes to a childminder, where she is very happy and secure.

Her first few drop-offs at preschool were fine. Yesterday I had to leave her screaming hysterically and fighting to get to me. <arrow to heart> They phoned to say she had settled OK after about half an hour. For the next few days, she was very clingy and unwilling to let me leave her - which she hasn't done since she was very much younger.

Their policy is very much 'Drop her and go'. Hey key worker takes her from me and holds her down cuddles her while I leave.

I know this is just one bad drop-off, and she's got a while to go before she settles.

In an ideal world, I would have stayed with her as long as it takes to get her settled, every time I dropped her off. (I know what works for her.) I thought I would try the school's way - it's soooo hard to know what to do.

I would like your views on the school's approach. They say this is all part of learning detachment and children never learn it's safe to detach otherwise. Is 'leave them even if they're screaming' a common approach? Any advice? Thank you.

towicymru Sat 11-May-13 18:41:05

Try not to worry too much! A girl at the nursery DS used to go to would break your heart with the screaming - she seemed genuinely distressed. As soon as the door closed behind her mum, she would stop crying and go off to play. It carried on the whole time she was there. I felt so sorry for the Mum. She said that at first she thought the nursery were lying to her about her DD settling so quickly until a few parents came out after her and told her in the car park that her DD was fine!!

tacal Sat 11-May-13 19:07:05

Hi, yes it seems to be a common approach. It is the advice most people give me because my ds goes through periods of being very distressed going into nursery. I just cant do the 'drop him and go' thing, it just doesnt feel right for me and ds so I stay until he is settled or at least not crying. I agree it is difficult to know what to do for the best. I think you just have to do what feels right for you and DD. You might find that after a few more days of doing it the schools way she is fine, it just didnt work out that way for my ds. He is a very anxious person.

Mrschocolate Sat 11-May-13 19:17:03

I know it's hard but it can work really well. My DD was the same but after a drop offs she calmed down. Though I agree it is horrible when you have to leave them, DD used to scream 'Mummy don't leave me' and I cried in the car once because I felt like a bad mum. But she was fine and a month later she was running in without giving me a second glance. sad

Henny1712 Sat 13-Jul-13 20:16:37

I have been a teacher for 10 years and now specialise in early years and I can assure you that ' drop off and leave' is the best way. ( although I do not use that term!) I can honestly say that mums and dads find the tears so much more traumatic than the children. Please please do not worry, unless you have concerns about the setting, which I assume by your post you don't. Xxx

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