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Some Advice and Thoughts on whether I have gone all PFB

(3 Posts)
antsypants Tue 02-Oct-12 08:15:39


My three year old has just started at one of my local school attached nurseries, she was previously in full time nursery from the age of 6 months till March this year when my jobs changed, because she is going to be one of the youngest in her year when she starts full time education, I looked into it and myself and her father made the decision to start her in nursery this september to ideally get her used to the hustle bustle and structure of school.

She had two introductory sessions and then started her full afternoon sessions last monday (I am aware it is only a week, which is why I am posting for advice rather than just jumping in with the school), she has been very reluctant to go and normally is a super confident little girl who is really sociable and friendly, but I didn't worry about this as she hasn't been in nursery for a few months and I know how quickly toddlers can change.

The nursery is three full open plan rooms where all the nursery children (3-4) mix with the reception children (4-5), they have separate groups for gathering together, but other than that it is a free for all

On the first full afternoon, her dad went to pick her up and she was missing, the teachers and her dad spent fifteen minutes looking for her when she popped out of the toilet cubicle with her knickers around her ankles and a whole toilet roll unrolled (I realise it is funny as well) the teacher had checked the cubicles but had not shouted her name and she was too small to see her feet under the door (this is how she checked)

The next day the head of the nursery spoke to us and apologised, said that they knew she had a tendency to wander off they would keep a closer eye on her, that was fine, I am not so mad as to not understand this can happen, although I was a bit concerned about how long she might have been gone before her dad turned up and they noticed.

The next day I got a phone call saying she had fallen over and bashed her head, was wearing an ice pack but was okay, her knee was also cut, I picked her up and she seemed okay, bump on the head, and said she had fallen over in the playground, so no suspicions of her being picked on or anything like that.

I know how long this is, I didn't want to drip feed so thank if you are persisting.

She has been dying to go to school, now she is really reluctant, she doesn't seem to be engaging with the other children much, the teacher doesn't really greet her or say good bye, there are 70 children in the afternoon sessions between 4 teachers and 2 teaching assistants, and I know that this means she won't get the one to one time that she got privately, I am trying to stay realistic, but I just feel that it is not a really good fit for her, she seems so muted, whenever she does anything normally you get an excited run down, when I ask what she has done in school or if she has had a good day she doesn't respond.

Thing is, I don't know if this is just me, I am desperate for her to have a good experience in school, because I know how bad ones affect your education, I don't know if my expectations are too high, if I am being too PFB, if I should see about changing nurseries... I suppose there is an aspect of her only just being three years old by a few days and being thrown straight into a massive group of big and bolshy children who are mostly older and perhaps more socially advanced than she is.

Any advice or comments welcomed, even if it is to tell me I am just being over the top

Pyrrah Tue 02-Oct-12 15:38:16

I'm not a big fan of mixed year groups - just seems like too many children and complete chaos to me.

We had the choice of 2 primary-school nurseries and I picked the one she probably won't be going to for primary school as it was a single year group and only 25 kids with 1 teacher and 2 TAs.

DD was 3 in May so not the youngest, but she has growth delay and so is very tiny. On the other hand she is extremely confident, articulate and gregarious - even so I still opted for the smaller and gentler introduction. I just feel that she will be better in the bigger group next year when she is a year older - it was also all be new to her and won't feel like she's repeating a year (which always worries me with 2 year forms).

I would be most worried about the staff losing your daughter - not acceptable to lose a 3 year-old for that long and who knows how long she was missing before they started looking!

Falling over and bruises wouldn't worry me though.

I have noticed that my DD who can't be bothered to say goodbye to me at the nursery she has been at for the last year has been clingy in the mornings and told me she didn't want to go to school - but seems very happy when I pick her up so probably just adjusting to change.

On the other hand, your DD seems to be unhappy when you pick her up.

If it was me, I would look at alternatives, put her name on waiting lists and seriously consider moving her after about 6 weeks if there is no improvement - or sooner if a space somewhere else came up that seemed more suitable.

I don't think you are being PFB, just wanting your very young 3 year-old to enjoy school. IMO, you only get one life and not worth a child being unhappy and having a bad start if there are alternatives.

antsypants Wed 03-Oct-12 08:31:08

Thanks Pyrrah

I think you have just made my mind up for me smile

I m not so bothered about her falling over, she does that whether at school or at home, but the missing thing really has just left me with less confidence.

I took her into school yesterday, she wasn't happy about going, but once she was in she was okay, most of the kids were in and sitting in their groups, I noticed one of the little girls wandering around the playground on her own, apparently she had been hiding when the reception year had come in from playing.

Thanks for the advice, I am going to check around for places at the other school I liked, they did mention October starts so finger crossed they will have something there...

Thanks again

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