First day at nursery wobbles - hold my hand please!

[LapinDeBois]

DS2 started nusery today (he turned two about six weeks ago). He's starting slightly earlier than I intended (for various reasons), but just two mornings a week for now. He was fine when I dropped him off this morning, and apparently played happily for about an hour, but then became very upset and they had to phone me to collect him. Since then he keeps telling me he got 'very sad' at school. I'm now having wobbles about whether I'm doing the right thing by sending him, or whether it's too early (I'm a SAHM so no need to send him yet). I know it's incredibly early days, but I'm feeling a bit teary about it all. In a way I thought it would be easier this time as he's not my PFB, but in a funny way it's harder - because he's my (last) baby. Is this sort of reaction normal at first, that he would be ok and then get upset? Should I just perservere? (DS1 is a bit of a law unto himself - used to have extreme separation anxiety and was a total nightmare to settle at nursery - so I haven't got much 'normal' basis for comparison.)

[PerfectlyChaotic]

I could have written this post myself! We're going through exactly the same thing with DS2 (2 1/2)...he says he gets sad at 'school' and it's it's upsetting me so much.

His playschool say that he's quiet but ok until snack time - I think that's when he starts becoming tired & is looking forward to coming home...

We are persevering though as went through such a hellish time with DS1's separation anxiety (we couldn't leave him until preschool after
his 3rd birthday). Our theory is that at least going to playschool is a softly softly gradual approach - he gets lots of cuddles & I can go in if needs be etc. Preschool was drop at the door & go and was really quite traumatic!

Hope it gets easier soon

[PerfectlyChaotic]

I could have written this post myself! We're going through exactly the same thing with DS2 (2 1/2)...he says he gets sad at 'school' and it's it's upsetting me so much.

His playschool say that he's quiet but ok until snack time - I think that's when he starts becoming tired & is looking forward to coming home...

We are persevering though as went through such a hellish time with DS1's separation anxiety (we couldn't leave him until preschool after
his 3rd birthday). Our theory is that at least going to playschool is a softly softly gradual approach - he gets lots of cuddles & I can go in if needs be etc. Preschool was drop at the door & go and was really quite traumatic!

Hope it gets easier soon

[teaandchocolate]

I'm feeling the same at the moment!! DD was 2 in July and has only been 3 times so far but, although she's ok when I drop her off (although a bit quiet and bemused), she apparently cried quite a lot when she's there especially when her key worker is busy with something else.

It makes me so sad as she's such a happy placid child and hardly ever cries. She is my pfb and we're struggling to have dc2 so think I'm a bit wet. However I do feel bad as she doesn't need to go but I am going to perservere in the hope she grows to like it as I hope it will ease her into school (if we gradually increase it) so its not such a shock when she's only just 4.

No words of wisdom but you're not alone!!

[LapinDeBois]

Thanks people. Teaandchocolate that's one of the main reasons I've started DS1 now, because he'll only be just 4 when he starts school too, and I want him to get used to the whole thing early (also because I've got him a place at a lovely nursery which is unlikely to still have places a few months down the line). And like your DD, he's so happy and confident normally, and sociable - I think today is the first time I've really seen him cry out of sadness (rather than because he's hurt himself or because he's having a raging tantrum). This afternoon he's been ok, but he keeps coming up to give 'mama cuddle' or checking to see that I'm still around, and when DH asked him how his first day at nursery was, he said 'very sad, want mama back', and it nearly broke my heart. Perfectlychaotic DS was apparently fine until snack time too - and I think he was very tired as well. I think next time I might pick him up at around 10.30/11am, so that hopefully I can collect him while he's still cheerful, so he doesn't come to associate nursery with being sad and missing mummy.

It's funny, when DS1 started nursery I was really desperate for him to go (only a couple of mornings a week) because he was so desperately clingy, and I really needed a break. With DS2, though, I just want to cling onto him forever!!

[teaandchocolate]

Oh no that's so sad he said that!! I'd literally cry! Glad my dd can't speak that well yet!! ;)

I've been telling dd lots of bedtime stories about 'school' and her key worker and 'friends' in the hope that this helps. She seems to not mind talking about it but I'm nervous about the next session as it seems to get worse each time.

I totally agree re the school thing and if you're happy with the nursery then it's worth persevering even if it's for shorter days. It's such a wrench though - what am I going to do when she leaves home?!?!

[PerfectlyChaotic]

I agree, but isn't it heartbreaking :( My DS says similar when anyone asks him how his morning was..."I get sad at school, I MISS you mummy." He too is always so happy & content normally.

I've spent much of today in bits - it will get easier won't it?

[LapinDeBois]

Yes, it definitely gets easier. DS1 was, as I mentioned, a total nightmare to settle - I had to stay every session for weeks, and I don't think he actually joined in a group activity for about six months. But three weeks ago he toddled off to Reception without a backward glance, and the only person who gets even a quick kiss goodbye from him in the mornings now is his little brother .

I think I'm partly feeling guilty about the fact that DS2 is starting nursery nearly 9 months younger than DS1 was - but because of the months they were born, he will still have two terms less at nursery in total before he starts school.

[LapinDeBois]

ps teaandchocolate I like the bedtime stories idea - I haven't tried that. I have been saying 'Mummies always come back' to him a lot, to the extent that whenever I now say 'Mummy will come back' he pipes up 'Always' in his little toddler voice. It's very lovely but also a bit like something out of a ghastly Hollywood tearjerker .

[teaandchocolate]

The summer birthday thing definitely makes it worse doesnt it? I'm gutted I'll have less time with her before school and she looks so tiny compared to the others. Added to the fact she was a late walker so is still wobbly just makes me well up!!

I definitely think it will be good for her and she's (usually) so sociable I really hope she likes it soon! Although she better like it before he learns to say 'I miss you Mummy' otherwise I'll be a gibbering wreck!!

[LapinDeBois]

I just thought I'd drop back in, seeing as you were all so nice to me on DS2's first day! Just to say, after only the third day of nursery today, I've decided to take him out and try again in six months. The second day was much like the first (except they had to phone me earlier!!), and then today was awful - I stayed with him all morning but he still cried if he was sitting anywhere other than on my knee. Plus, he's been a nightmare at home too - he's gone from a happy little boy who'll go to anyone, to an insecure wreck who constantly wants to cuddle mummy and won't be left with anyone else. I know it might be just as hard (or harder!) in six months' time, but I'm going to take that risk - I'm just not prepared to put him or me through the heartache at the moment when I don't have to. What's more, I wasn't wildly impressed with the way the nursery dealt with him today. Thank you all again for your help and advice.

[Galena]

Oh that's hard, Lapin.

It does improve eventually. I'm celebrating today because for the first time in 9 months I've managed to leave DD at Playgroup for an hour! For the last 9 months I've been going with her. She started off with 2 or 3 sessions without tears. Then the crying started and got earlier each session until she screamed at the thought of going. When I started attending with her she was very clingy to me while I was there, but she's gradually become more confident.

Today I told her I needed to go and 'pick something up'. I went for an hour and she barely noticed I'd gone! Tomorrow I'm leaving her from 9 till 11. So pleased we've made progress!

I hope it goes more smoothly in 6 months!

[Niome]

Hi...I am an early years practitioner......starting preschool is one of the biggest transitional stages for both parent and child. The attachment between child and parent is so stronge...but the best thing you can do is to be consistant....say positive things about the school....when dropping off your child, try to do it qucikly because the longer you hang around....the more the child has time to think about things. Children adapt very quickly and I'm sure after a few times they will be fine. Talk with the staff.....find out what activities they do there and mimic them at home....talk about the routine there....get some books that they have so they are familiar with the stories....there are lots of things that you can do to help your child.....parents need reassurance too....I'm sure the staff will support you through this stage. Hope you all manage to settle and start to enjoy your visits in the preschools....such an important time for both.