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Don't think DD is ready- what would you do?

10 replies

JustJazz · 19/10/2011 13:25

DD is due to start pre-school in Jan. She''ll be 2 and a half then, but the clingiest child I know & I'm not sure she's ready. She goes to playgroups & see friends at least 3 times a week & has done so for what seems like forever, but she won't leave my side to go and play. She prefers to sit next to me & talk to the other Mums, or she'll play if I go with her (ie. not more than 1m away). She doesn't like other children getting too close to her either- she seems positively frightened of them. She's fine with older, school age children and adults and will play nicely with them so I know she's got social skills. She has tried in the past to start a conversation with other little ones her age- but as they just ignore her (because they're being normal toddlers and are busy running around) and it seems to really deflate her confidence. I think in my heart I know she's not ready as she also dislikes noise but DH says she has to learn to leave Mummy and cope on her own. What would you do? I know I can stay with her at pre-school but I'm not keen on paying loads of money for the priveldge of doing what we do the craft group and playgroups we go to.

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Haberdashery · 19/10/2011 14:54

My DD was just the same (particularly about being good with older children and adults but not with children her own age and wanting always to be near me). It may be that she will get the hang of it a bit more if you are not with her and she needs to. Equally, she doesn't really need to be at preschool until a year later, does she? I think a year of preschool before normal school would be plenty and even that is not compulsory. I would follow your heart. If she would find being away from you too much then why not just wait a term or two and see how she gets on. She does not need to learn to leave you until she goes to school. My DD really struggled with nursery at 3.3 but was more than ready a couple of terms later when she was nearly four and thrived. She's now at school and very happy. She still has problems with other children not necessarily being at the same level conversationally but has learnt to work around this which I do think is an important skill to learn.

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cjbartlett · 19/10/2011 14:56

do you mean you're putting her in there because you have to go to work?

if not I'd wait for the free sessions when she's 3 - she'll get 15 hours a week free then and she'll be happy to go at that age

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JustJazz · 19/10/2011 15:33

No- I don't have to go to work. I am lucky enough to be ftm & happy to have her at home. I put her name down when she was 6mnths old as there was such a long waiting list. I would happily spend the money if I thought she's get something out of it, but I'm not sure she will. She is (mostly) well behaved, speaks well, enjoys learning new things & is polite.

When I signed her up I was just doing what I thought everyone did.... of course pretty much since then I have learnt to just do my own thing! It is hard though, sometimes, to just do your own thing!

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seeker · 19/10/2011 15:36

If she doesn't have to go for your ork or your saint, then don't send her. It's not compulsory or necessary. Keep he with you and carry going to lots of plqygroups and stuff - maybe a music group or a gym club.

Ignoe anyone who says this is something you have to do!

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AppleAndBlackberry · 19/10/2011 21:19

I would wait if I were you and send her when you think she's ready. There's no one-size-fits all for toddlers, they are different and have different needs. My DD is the same age and I actually wasn't going to send her til 3 but have started thinking about sending her a bit earlier because she sometimes seems a bit bored at home and seems ready for a bit more IYSWIM.

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pinkappleby · 19/10/2011 21:30

I really wouldn't send her at 2 and a half, expecially if the preschool don't seperate the rising 5s from the younger ones. I expect there is the odd exception but from what I've observed and heard from preschool staff it is far better to send them nearer to 3.

What does become a pain though, is your child ends up being the oldest at all the playgroups and probably won't want to play with the babies.....

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JustJazz · 20/10/2011 10:21

Well... I phoned the pre-school this morning and we agreed to defer it. She was signed up for the sessions with the youngest little ones so she wouldn't be in with the older ones. It's a relief off my mind I can tell you to not feel like I HAVE to send her. After I phoned up, DD came to find me and saw me crying (with relief) and said "Don't worry Mummy, I love you SO much, shall I get you a tissue?".I am very, very lucky.

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5ofus · 20/10/2011 12:47

Sounds like a good resolution all round. Totally agree if she's not ready then don't force it. There is a big difference between 2.5 year old and a 3 year old.

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monkey9237 · 20/10/2011 13:40

Ah, good on you. The relief is a great feeling, isn't it.

My DS sounds VERY much like your DD. He was also due to start at 2.5 and we defered it to age 3. He was in an unsuitable place for 3 months and we took him out last week. He is positively DELIGHTED to be at home with us or his grandparents. We are going to sort out some playgroups and classes for him to socialise with other toddlers and look at him starting part-time at a new nursery again in Dec/Jan and take it from there.

Glad your are happy and have resolved things!