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The positives that can come out of a prem birth

(12 Posts)
BeachBunni Fri 18-Jul-08 12:22:53

I've been thinking about this a lot over the past day as I've been very focused on the negative aspects. Of course we all know that having a preemie is very traumatic that you wouldn't want to happen to anyone but I thought it might be nice to think about the positive things that have come out this bad situation if anyone has some.
For me it's -

*I'm already so proud of my wee fighter as he's been through so much.
*I appreciate him more and every little accomplishment than I think I probably would have had he been born with no problems and healthy
*It's strengthened the bond between me and his dad. He never faltered once by my side the whole way through my difficult pregnancy, birth and after
*I'm stronger than I thought I was. I've always been prone to panic attacks and my dp fully expected a freak-out when I was wheeled in for a c-s but I stayed calm as I knew it had to be done. He told me after he was so proud of me and it made me feel really good about myself.
*It's focused me on what really matters in my life - my family
*It's made me more confident in myself and self-assured.

So does anyone else feel that something positive has come out of it (or am I just weird?)

sweetie66 Fri 18-Jul-08 12:39:13

Hi Beachbunni, no you are not weird! I can see the good that came out of mine as well, although not at first.
*I know I am stronger than I thought I was.
* My DD is a fighter and proves no one knows everything
* My DH and I can pull together and support each other
* I appreciate everything my DD achieves as it is not easy for her.
* I appreciate a DD who has and continues to endure painfully procedures in a way which humbles me
* Each set back is only a hurdle and we can get over them
* I am confident and will challenge authority for the good of my DD
* Nothing in our lives will top the birth of our DD
and that is just the bits of the top of my head.
It is hard when it first happens to imagine how you can say it is positive experience but looking back you can see how you have managed situations that you never thought you would

anxiousmax Fri 18-Jul-08 13:55:42

As well as many of those already listed my ds2's prem birth has meant that we have met so many wonderful dedicated people that we otherwise would never of known.

The nurses in SCBU
The paediatricians
his Physios
His amazing teacher & teaching assistant
Plus many others that i'm sure i've forgotten to mention
& of course
The other parents of prem & disabled children
& some of the most amazing & brave children ds2 has many disabled friends & it makes me feel so lucky to have my 2 boys.

Bronze Fri 18-Jul-08 13:57:21

My daughter could settle herself on her own. I always joke about it being a perk of having been in NICU.

BeachBunni Fri 18-Jul-08 14:48:36

I'm really glad no-one took it the wrong way as I was worried about how people might think I was implying having a prem baby is good.

Sweetie - it's actually taken me to physically readjust my whole way of thinking to see the positives in it, 8 months later. I just don't want to get bogged down with a lot of negative thoughts. What you said about your dd was really very touching, it actually brought a tear to my eye.

Anxiousmax - def the staff were fantastic. It opened up my eyes to a world that I never knew existed and the parents show such amazing strength and fortitude.

Bronze - me and dp laugh about how ds can sleep through a bomb going off as the radio was beside his incubator the whole time in neonatal. I nearly gave our next door neighbour what-for the other night when he started mowing the grass at nearly 11 at night, but ds was sleeping soundly despite the garden being beside his room

findtheriver Mon 21-Jul-08 21:43:04

Your baby is a 'baby' for far longer than usual. My dd took around 3 months to reach the size her older sister was at birth, so you get to enjoy them for longer!

sweetie66 Tue 22-Jul-08 13:26:34

Oooh Bronze I forgot that bit. Mine can settle very quickly on her own as well. I think it is because she knew the nurses were to busy to come when she wouldn't settle. She can sleep through any noise, I used to put her on a V shaped cushion on the floor nad hoover around her while she was asleep!!! Never needed blackout blinds either as NICU and SCBU always have lights on. Anxiousmax, yes you do meet so many people who are there for you, who want to help you as well.

TinkerBellesMum Tue 22-Jul-08 15:26:33

Clothes are a lot cheaper because she doesn't grow out of them so fast (just moving out of 9-12 months in time for her 2nd birthday!)

NotParanoid Tue 22-Jul-08 16:49:17

Herself was 12 weeks early. Among the many pluses -

Labour and recovery much easier;
Expert advice on care for the baby rather than being sent home with a 6 hour old;
Reassurance that any little problems will be dealt with as she is still has regular checkups with a consultant;
Not having to go through late pregancy which in my case would have been particularly difficult;
Last and least, a peach of a labour story, as I had no contractions and the whole thing was over in less than 20 mins. They couldn't even move me a few feet down the corridor to the labour ward and the muppet was almost born on the toliet.

Don't agree on the clothes tho - she's just turned one and has been in 12-18 mth clothes since April.

TinkerBellesMum Tue 22-Jul-08 18:03:37

Wow, sounds like she was ready for the world!

One thing I liked was having that time to learn the things that they used to teach in hospitals that get missed when you are in and out in a day. Being able to establish breastfeeding and being able to have someone on hand to help if I needed it. Being shown how to bath her and things like that.

OverMyDeadBody Tue 22-Jul-08 18:08:08

I didn't tear during labour and only had to push a relatively small baby out (2.2kg)

I got to meet him earlier and didn't have to be pregnant for as long!grin

Despite being ten weeks early he is now very tall for his age (he's 5 and in 6-7yr old clothes), very strong and athletic, and bright as a button.

BeachBunni Fri 25-Jul-08 11:36:28

Very true how you are shown how to do things with the baby rather than being sent home the next day clueless. We've had friends commenting on how relaxed dp and I were on getting babybunni home being first time parents and all that.

Had been looking at the no labour as a negative as I feel I missed out on what women are talking about but after being awoken at 4 am with bad period cramps this morning, have changed my mind

On a superficial level - no stretchmarks (tho the c-s scar kinda makes up for it)

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