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Handhold and advice please

(6 Posts)
stuckinarut Thu 14-Feb-19 14:43:09

I had my son last Friday at 34+1 he is currently in scbu and Ive got to admit I am really struggling.
He is absolutely fine in himself other than not sucking properly so he is mostly tube fed. I have 2 other dd's at home aged 8 and 2 and I feel completely torn against being at home with them versus being at hospital with him. I'm starting to feel paranoid that the nursing staff are looking at me as if I am never there. My husband hasn't been up since Monday as he had a bad chest infection so I've been trying to get up for a few hours in the afternoon and making sure I'm there for at least one feed but it doesn't seem enough 🙁 one of the nurses made a comment earlier today saying "think youll be here a bit longer today " I was absolutely devastated and just burst into tears whilst trying to explain my predicament.
My 2 year old is really struggling as her and I were always together and she just screams and screams whenever I put my jacket on.
I don't really know the point to this post but I'm just absoloutly devastated and I can't stop the massive emotions that I'm feeling atm. I feel like the world's worst mother 🙁

NotSoThinLizzy Thu 14-Feb-19 15:10:42

Oh op it sounds really hard my heart goes out to you. Stay strong. Ignore the midwife comment she doesn't know what else is going on. Have a hand hold ❤️

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon Thu 14-Feb-19 15:16:52

Ds was born at 35 weeks. Both in for a week.
As awful as it is try and concentrate on yourself - accept you can't be in both places. You need a chance to bond with the new baby. Dc at home will soon forget you were gone when you are both home.
Send sweets back for your toddler. Or a magazine she can read /puzzle and tell you about when you see her.
I spent 10 months in hospital with a new baby some years ago and had a one year old at home (and other dc) - I feel for you but it will soon be behind you all.
Congratulations on your lovely baby!

stuckinarut Sat 16-Feb-19 08:17:18

Thank you both. I'm feeling a lot better now tbh I must just have been having a bad day and that nurses comment sent me over the edge.
I spoke to the senior sister yesterday in the ward and explained my situation etc and she was lovely and told me not to worry about it so that also put me at ease.
My husband is feeling a 100% better and so we both went to visit last night and he is go going this morning and me this afternoon so hopefully that's us in the right way now.

Fingers crossed my son will be home soon and this will all be a distant memory XX

zebrapig Sat 16-Feb-19 09:01:06

It's totally normal to feel like this. It's hard having a baby in SCBU and even harder when you have other children at home. You have to balance what's best for everyone, including your other children and your own recovery. FWIW I think your DH did the right thing staying away while poorly, he'd have felt awful if DS or one of the other babies picked up something from him.

When DS was in SCBU last Christmas the best I managed was a few hours each day. Normally DH and I would go in at lunchtime, then he'd go back to work after an hour and I'd stay until around 5pm. I was recovering from an EMCS so couldn't drive or walk very far for a while. We also had 2yo DD at home, we used to take her in at the weekend for a couple of hours, armed with the iPad and snacks. It was the best we could do but luckily the staff were understanding. There were some parents who were there all day, every day and others who only came in every couple of days. Just do what you can, it's enough and he won't know any different, your older children do!

stuckinarut Sat 16-Feb-19 12:30:30

Thanks zebra. Yes 100% my DH done the right thing he and I were very insistent on the fact that he didn't come and he stayed at home with the DD's.
I think the comment that the nurse said struck me off guard and whilst already feeling vulnerable she made it worse albeit she may not have meant it in the way I interpreted it but it was still hurtful all the same.
My DH has been there since 9am and is now on his way home for me to go from 1-4 then home to spend some time with DD 1+2.
Thanks for sharing your experience xx

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