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Should I go home with one twin?

(49 Posts)
Lipsticktraces Fri 31-Aug-18 14:51:02

Looking for opinions please as I really don’t know what to do.

My DTs were born via section on 16/08/18 at 34 weeks. They had to be delivered early due to placenta issues with twin 2. Twin 1 was 4.10pb and twin 2 was 3lb exactly.

We are at the stage now where they are off the ward and rooming in with me in the NICU. Twin 1 is gaining weight and basically ready to come home. However twin 2 is not gaining weight at the minute. I am breastfeeding both babies, with twin 2 getting ebm top ups via tube.

I am getting the strong impression that they would prefer me to take twin 1 home now. It has been suggested several times, but I really don’t want to leave twin 2 in hospital. Plus dh and I have no car at present so would have to rely on my DPs for lifts (bus routes from where we live to the hospital are shocking) I’ve been told I can bring twin 1 in with me, but I really don’t want to spend all day sitting on the ward without anywhere to even escape too for a lie down.

On the other hand I haven’t been home since the 16th and it’s likely twin 2 will be in here for some time to come. My DH can’t stay overnight. My dog is pining for me really badly and I feel a bit like I’m losing my mind in here.

What would you do if you were me?

MiniMaxi Fri 31-Aug-18 15:08:44

Congratulations on the birth of your twins! I hope they both are thriving soon.

Hard to say having not been in exact same situation (though my son was born at 33+6 so almost same gestation as yours) but I think I would try to stay in.

Do they have any parent rooms for parents of babies who need to stay in but parents can go? They most likely want / need the bed in the post natal ward but you do need to fight for what’s right for you and your little one.

MiniMaxi Fri 31-Aug-18 15:09:39

Sorry if I’ve misunderstood and that’s the accommodation you’re in already!

HollowTalk Fri 31-Aug-18 15:11:53

Oh what a dilemma.

Why do they want you to go home - do they need that room?

What would happen if you just had the one child who needed to stay in - would they want you to stay?

Aprilshowersinaugust Fri 31-Aug-18 15:13:07

If I was you I would stay in. My ds was born at 35 weeks and can't imagine I would have gone home with him if I had one to leave behind.
You still need to bond with the one who still needs to stay in and going home may leave you feeling guilty your time is with the other only.

Mayhemmumma Fri 31-Aug-18 15:16:18

Personally i would go with your gut instinct and stay put, life will be much more difficult without the bed and I think it's unfair they are asking you to leave your baby, it doesn't matter you have another one!!

Kewqueue Fri 31-Aug-18 15:19:39

Congratulations! I was in the same position. I went home. There wasn't actually much choice in the end as they needed my bed. I didn't actually go in much as I had newborn ds and 5 year old ds at school but I wasn't breastfeeding which makes a difference.

Kewqueue Fri 31-Aug-18 15:20:23

*at home not school!

CassandraLamontaigne Fri 31-Aug-18 15:24:08

I really don't know what I'd do in your situation but going home with one and bringing that little one in every day on public transport / your parents sounds awkward. Do what's best for you and your babies, not what the hospital wants for their convenience

Lipsticktraces Sat 01-Sep-18 11:27:54

@MiniMaxi I’m in a rooming in room in the NICU. It’s where parents stay before they take their babies home.

Hollowtalk They said they don’t need the room atm, but that could change at any time.

The ward manager came to talk to me again this morning regarding potentially going home. She said twin 2 is likely to be in for at least another weeksad They won’t let him go home until he’s at least 1800g and at present he’s only 1580g. She did say I could use this room during the day for as long as it was available. Which tbh seems pretty much the same from their point of view as me staying here, or it does to me anyway. Twin 2 would need to be tube fed for the times that I’m not here. He breast feeds well when asked, so I don’t think they are concerned about that.

I honestly don’t know what to do. I’ve been here since 16/08 and I REALLY want to go home now. The thought of at least another week here is pretty awful. Then again the thought of leaving my baby behind is also pretty awful.

Lipsticktraces Sat 01-Sep-18 11:31:06

Getting here isn’t a concern as I know my parents would happily pick up/drop off. It’s just the practicalities of being here all day long. I also have a strong suspicion that this room will suddenly become unavailable and I’ll have nowhere to breastfeed except the ward.

I almost feel like I’m being penalised for breastfeeding. The formula feeders seem to be having a much easier time of it.

Lipsticktraces Sat 01-Sep-18 11:40:26

Not a judgement btw, just an observation. Nobody else here is breastfeeding and I feel it’s making it much harder for mesad

CassandraLamontaigne Sat 01-Sep-18 21:13:02

lipstickyou're in a really tough situation and there's no right or wrong. I can imagine you're dying to be at home. Could you go home for a day?
Breast feeding is tough so well done for keeping it up with two babies and in such circumstances
Could someone bring your dog into you and you could take him /her for a walk?

littlecabbage Sat 01-Sep-18 21:17:37

I'm shocked that they would encourage you to leave Twin 2 when you are breastfeeding him/her! A mother and newborn baby(/ies) are a single unit and should not be separated unless unavoidable.

Stand your ground on this.

annie987 Sun 02-Sep-18 07:07:16

I went home with one twin and left the other in hospital. I was also breastfeeding both. It had its pluses and minuses. It was lovely being at home and I think it saved my sanity.
I’d get twin 1 ready and set off for the hospital about 8am and stay until about 8pm. We had the use of a rooming in room on some days but not on others. I did feel rather guilty but it was only for two and a half weeks. Go with whatever works for you.

easternedge Sun 02-Sep-18 07:12:56

I think honestly that they probably desperately need the bed and you should go home. A week isn't too long! A friend of mine has had her baby in NICU for nearly 10 weeks now with no end in sight.

It will be a hassle yes but only for a. Week and in a weeks time you'll have both your babies home thanks

PotteringAlong Sun 02-Sep-18 07:16:26

I would go home. If they’ve spoken to you lots of times about going they want / need you to go. It’s just not feasible to keep a baby who doesn’t need to be in hospital in hospital.

eurochick Sun 02-Sep-18 07:18:51

My bestie had twins and went home with one. I helped a bit with expressed milk deliveries to the hospital.

I had a prem baby in nicu. She was delivered in one hospital and moved to another at 2 days old. I was not a patient at the second hospital so there was no question of me staying there. I visited 2-3 times a day and expressed like a mad woman to try to fatten her up (she wouldn't breastfeed). We took cabs for the first few days until I was signed off to drive. Is there any chance you can borrow a car? I commute by train during the week and have lent my car midweek to a friend who needed it. He just paid the additional insurance to be added as a named driver.

I hope you get both babies home soon.

Applesandpears23 Sun 02-Sep-18 07:18:59

I would stay. If you go home you will have to pump more and that’s hard work. Plus it is gut wrenching leaving a baby so you probably sleep better on the ward.

HelpfulHermione Sun 02-Sep-18 07:23:03

My DS was born at 28 +5 and I massively regret not staying with him more (I already had a 2 yo). The effects of being left are very apparent in him now. Don’t leave your baby unless you have no choice.

Pamdoo Sun 02-Sep-18 07:31:32

When My little one was in NICU there was a mum with triplets, 2 got discharged and one was left in the hospital. She chose to go home with the two rather than stay with the one as the beds and nursing resources are limited. The baby was ebf and she would drop off expressed milk and she was mixed fed. Depends on how busy your hospital is. If you don't want to leave, stand your ground.

I don't think that the formula feeders have an easier time, i understand your frustration but I think that's an unfair comment. If your baby is in NICU there's nothing easy about that. Feeding choice has nothing to do with it.

Taytotots Sun 02-Sep-18 07:32:56

Tough decision but you do sound like you want to go home and they probably do need the room - at our NICU the rooms were in such short supply that we were only allowed to stay in for the couple of nights before babies came home. It is tough though as with pumping and feeding at night you will be tired in the day. I had a week where I had been discharged but twins were still in and I was spending all day in with them. I was so tired that at one point I fell asleep upright in a chair. Can they set up screens on ward if you want privacy for feeding? - our unit did this if asked.

mummagirl Sun 02-Sep-18 07:35:31

This too will pass.....my mantra at every stage with my premature twins.
Still saying that 20 years later

INeedNewShoes Sun 02-Sep-18 07:36:49

I'd fight to stay. From personal experience of my newborn not gaining weight I am convinced that having to spend time traveling back to the hospital every day interfered with feeding and that we would have been better off in one place rather than traveling between home and hospital.

lostfrequencies Sun 02-Sep-18 07:41:53

Congratulations OP but what a tough one for you. I'd stay as you are establishing breastfeeding so really need to be there with both twins. Xx

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