My baby is four months old. Was born 11 weeks early currently six weeks corrected age. He’s beautiful and finally home on oxygen. He’s thrives through nenonatal and was born an Amazon 2lb 11oz. He’s now 9lb 9oz. But I’m struggling bad. With flashbacks. Nightmares. Bonding problems. I keep thinking something is going to happen to him like he’s not supposed to be here! I had an awful pregnancy bled almost all the way through. My waters broke 5 weeks before he was born. It was so awful and it makes me scared to ever ever have another baby. But I’m so struggling to get through each and every day. Thinking I am going to lose him at some point.
Please speak to someone about this. Your health visitor. Your GP. Your partner. Your family. It doesn’t matter who - just speak to someone. What you’re experiencing is completely understandable and out of your control. But you can get help.
Thanks for your responses. I haven't been offered any councilling whatsoever, he was born we were just expected to get on with it. Then we came home and it's still the same. I just cannot get my head around it all. Like there's so much I don't remember that my partners tells me about and it's like I've blocked it out it's ridiculous.
I've tried speaking to my partner. He's a great support. He just doesn't get it sadly. He doesn't tundertand and then shuts off when he feels like he cannot help me.
I will speak to the health visitor, I've tried my GP already I'm just told that it'll get better the longer he's home. But I literally feel like I'm suffercating.
I think its normal when they're so early. My middle DC was 12 weeks early and I've only really started relaxing now shes nearly 2. I had the same constant feeling that something else was going to go wrong, I think it comes with having to have accept that they might not make it at times.
DD had sepsis twice in nicu then meningitis at 5 months and went unconscious with croup and breathing difficulties at just over a year so it took a long time for the feeling that something was going to go wrong to stop. And even though things did go wrong shes still fine now.
We used a snuza hero nappy clip breathing monitor that helped with my anxiety about her a bit.
The bonding will come in time, the combination of being away from them and it not feeling like 'your' baby when they're in nicu, and the worry of whether they're going to make it combine to make bonding harder, even some mums with healthy babys find it hard to bond never mind all the extra stress and worry you've had.