Preemie and thinking of trying again

[nataliefruit]

Hi all,

Sorry for the long post and I'm not sure if I'm posting in the right place but I need to voice this even if I don't ask for any advice.

My first DC was born at 34+4 by emergency csection under general anaesthetic as I had HELLP which is a nasty variation of pre-eclampsia that I'd never heard of! I had no symptoms and it was only picked up in a routine midwife appointment.

The hospital and staff were all fantastic but it was terrifying during the hospital admission and the countdown to the section but I kind of spaced out thinking of only my baby's safety and didn't really think of what could have happened to me. I could have died and didn't see my child for almost 3 torturous days because of all the drips I was hooked into. If I'm honest with myself, the first 2-3 months were hell as I didn't feel ready in any way to be a mum so quickly and in the way I did, breastfeeding wasn't working and I'm 100% sure looking back now that I was thoroughly depressed.

This was over 18 months ago now and I'm starting to feel really broody and have always said I'd want a sibling for my baby but I'm terrified it'll happen again and that maybe I won't be so lucky this time around. Also, I adore my child and I'm worried that our relationship will be negatively effected by the addition of another baby and the potential depression that might come again, let alone the inevitable hospital stay that would come with another section (the hospital have already told me that if I have another then I'll need another section).

Does anyone have any experience of HELLP and subsequent pregnancies? Or even just any advice on the way having another child changed your relationship with your other children. I'm going to try and speak to a specialist to discuss my anxieties about it happening again but would be grateful for any sanity checks anyone can offer me 😊

Thanks xx

[RunningBean]

I had DD1 at 32 weeks and DD2 at 28 weeks. It was spontaneous labour and assumed to be incompetent cervix so different reason.
With my third I had cervical scans every 2 weeks to monitor length, started getting irregular contractions at 34 weeks, kept me in for 48 hours and they managed to stop it at 3cm and I then went to 37 weeks fine.

There is a huge difference in monitoring when they know its likely to be another high risk pregnancy, so hopefully any issues would be picked up quicker for you.

I wouldn't say siblings have changed my relationship with first or second DC, but they've definitely changed the family dynamic. Its a lot louder and livelier and they are less needy of our attention than when it was just DC1 as shes got her siblings to play with all the time.

[user1493413286]

I’m sorry I can’t be loads of help as I’m in similar situation - my DD was born by c section under general anaesthetic at 32 weeks due to unforeseen complications with my pregnancy. I already know from my debrief with the consultant that during another pregnancy I would have lot of monitoring and pretty much what I wanted in terms of scans etc but I also intend to ask for some mental health support as I know how anxious I’m going to be during the pregnancy.
I also worry about the effect of another traumatic pregnancy and birth on my DD but I’m fairly confident from looking around at friends and family that my bond with her won’t be affected

[bedtimestories]

I had a traumatic delivery so was offered a section for subsequent babies. Had post natal depression/post traumatic stress following the birth but not with subsequent babies. Having another made me realise what I'd missed because I'd been poorly, but it also helped me deal with what I had missed with my first and helped improve my relationship with my first

[stargirl1701]

I have a friend a cousin who both had HELLP with their first DC. They both went on to have a second child with no reoccurrence.

[stargirl1701]

a friend AND a cousin. Sorry.

[moita]

I was the same re: relationship with older child. The great thing about new

[moita]

• newborn is they sleep all the time (well mostly) so the baby get a put down when she's not feeding and I give my full attention to toddler DS. It's hard work but he already adores her and they'll be playmates when they are older. I'm still as close to DS as I was