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Do we try again?

(4 Posts)
Gem2017 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:16:33

It’s a question all parents will ask after successfully giving birth once. I’m now 36 and in 2014 went into premature labour at 24 weeks. I gave birth to a 1lb 4oz baby boy. He was in NICU for 4 days before we decided to make the agonising decision to turn off his life support. He’d suffered a massive bleed on the brain on day two.

Choosing to try again was not easy, what I’d it happened again? What if there is something wrong with me causing it? All the usual and normal questions to ask.

In 2015 I got pregnant again and gave birth in June 2016, this time at 34 weeks. You don’t know how you feel you’ve climbed a mountain every week past 24, so getting to 34 felt like I’d won the lottery.

Our little boy spent a week in NICU, there were some complications but nothing major (at least not like before)

My little boy is now 17 months and he is happy and healthy.

So....now the question...do we try again? I’ve been on two incredibly difficult journeys in two different ways. Another journey would mean lots of trips to the hospital, more tests, lots of times at out of hours not knowing if what I was experiencing was normal or not! Pregnancy was not enjoyable for me!

But there’s that crazy thing called maternal urge and I have it in abundance and it just won’t shift. I’d love to feel one was enough.

I’m not getting any younger and I’d love my little boy to have a sibling, do I take the journey or not?

**Note, there’s been no evidence found as to why I went into labour early on both accounts. If I knew I think the decision would be straight forward!

Thanks for reading.

user1493413286 Sat 11-Nov-17 08:32:52

After having my DD at 32 weeks after a traumatic pregnancy and birth I’ve really gone back and forth in my mind about this. We’ve been told there is a possibility of early delivery again but a higher chance of going full term than not.
I worry that I’m being selfish by wanting to risk it again but as you’ve said that urge to have another baby won’t go.
I also keep thinking that although everything around DDs arrival was really difficult I’d do it ten times over again for her which makes me want to have another. I am sad that I’ll never ‘enjoy’ another pregnancy though as I’ll spend it all worried about the baby arriving early

angelopal Sat 11-Nov-17 09:21:36

Sorry for your loss. I understand how difficult a decision it can be. We lost our first at 4 days old due to an undiagnosed heart condition. Genetic testing was carried out but nothing found so "just one of those things". We have gone on to have 2 healthy DC.

Only you can decide if you want to try again but for us it was worth the risk. It was hard for both pregnancies due to the additional worry. However we had a great consultant and were well looked after. Hope all goes well whatever you decide to do.

Chocolateismylife Sun 07-Jan-18 10:30:26

When I was pregnant with my son I’d already been through a miscarriage to get to that point. I had severe sickness with him & spent some early weeks in bed unable to move from the sickness. I struggled through working full time & long hours before suddenly my waters going at 34+6. I went into hospital & DS arrived the next day. It was hugely traumatising more from the hospital birth side of things. He was taken into NICU intensive care & after 2 weeks was home. We went backwards & forwards about trying for a sibling. There was no indication of what had caused the early delivery. Eventually we stopped using BC & it took a few months to conceive which ended in another miscarriage needing several surgeries to sort. This made us realise we did want another baby, eventually we conceived again. I went to hypnobirthing classes & pregnancy yoga. I got into a positive mindset to help with the anxiety. I got prepared for the birth really early, I had 3 extra scans & extra tests, my DD arrived at 40+2 after a sweep!! I never thought I’d have to persuade her to come out! We had a lot of false alarms with me thinking Labour had started. My DH & family were hugely supportive & humoured me each time. It was the right decision for us. I’m now broody for a 3rd but don’t know if I should just quit whilst we are ahead. Having a premmie is tough & with what you have been through with both your babies it’s an even harder decision.

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