Dealing with friends

[RuthKiang]

I gave birth to beautiful twin girls 3 weeks ago very quickly and unexpectedly at 30 weeks. My friends were wonderful initially, showering me and my family with caring messages and good wishes. The babies have now moved from nicu to scbu and we face our very long journey ahead of life visiting hospital daily and continuing to give our 2-year old then time he requires too.

Friends have behaved in a wide variety of ways - most don't take on board how long our girls will be in for, or they presume we won't want visitors until the girls are home. Truly, I'm desperate for friends to come over, but people don't seem to want to/it's just too much trouble. I'm not able to be flexible and had hoped others might be.

Has anyone else had this experience? I have great friends and lots of them, but they all seem keen to chat on social media/what'sapp without actually making the effort of coming round..

Thanks,
Ruth x

[WhatKatyDidnt]

I've been there and know how hard it is. I raged internally for months but felt better once I realised and accepted that it's impossible for people who have not experienced NICU or prematurity to "get it".

Can you contact your very closest friends and invite them to the unit, giving them one or two specific dates and times?

[RachSt12]

I totally understand this, we were in NNU for 3 months and my friends just didn't get it, looking back I was brutally honest day to day about the rollercoaster journey and maybe it scared them? I don't know.
As Pp said, do what I didn't do, invite them, don't expect them, I also think one at a time will be easier, more than that gets complicated.
Wishing you and your family all the best! You will be home soon xx

[welshweasel]

Honesty, just tell them. They are probably worried that you're too busy, they'd be intruding, you're at the hospital all the time etc etc. People really do love to help. I'm sure if you sent a WhatsApp/Facebook message saying that you're how you're feeling and asking for company/any other help you need your friends will rally. Don't be too proud to ask for help. Congratulations on the birth of your babies, hope you get a smooth ride through scbu.

[RNBrie]

Please please just tell them. I've not been in your situation but I do know that I'd have no idea what you needed. They probably assume you're up to your ears in it and dont need them intruding.

Text - hey, how are you? We are having a shitty time at the moment and I could really use some company if you have any time next week. Desperate for company!! Love Ruth.

Anyone that doesn't reply is not worth your time but I'm pretty sure they will rally around.

[highinthesky]

I'd be disinclined to visit for fear of getting in the way, and wait for the all clear from you before I came near.

[highinthesky]

Congrats on the babies, btw