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don't ask me about my birth experience, it doesn't count apparently

(35 Posts)
thecrab Sat 26-Mar-16 21:21:56

I had my son at 32 weeks, a friend asked me about my birth experience so I told her. Honestly, despite it being early, spontaneous, traumatic, it wasn't awful (pain wise). I mentioned how I'd do it all again, giving birth was a great experience (despite it all).

Another friend chimes in about how small my baby was so basically the pain wouldn't have been the same as if I gave birth full term.

So yeah, I guess my experience wasn't valid.

That really hurt. Just wanted to vent.

KittyCatKittyCat Sat 26-Mar-16 21:26:35

Vent away, that friend is a tit.

KittyCatKittyCat Sat 26-Mar-16 21:27:05

And congrats on your lovely DC!

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 26-Mar-16 21:35:24

To be honest, I would have thought that giving birth to a premie would have been enough trauma for anyone. Each woman's birth is unique to her and each person's pain threshold is vastly different. My kids were all 'normal' size 7lb 5 oz but 53cm head diameters hurt like buggery. BUT someone with a 10lber might have a worse time or in some cases breeze through it, not sure how much difference it makes - someone with a "smaller" baby might have had worse contractions or a longer labour or back-to-back, can't just be about crowning ffs.. So essentially fuck 'em all OP, it is not a competition, I would not wish pain on my worst enemy, no friend should. I am glad you had a positive experience in terms of pain as I imagine the emotional side of it was brutal. brewcakeflowers hugs to you xxx

Floggingmolly Sat 26-Mar-16 21:38:38

Actually, a bigger baby is supposed to be easier to deliver than a tiny one. It's own weight speeds up the momentum (or something). How rude and dismissive your friend is flowers

LocalEditorEssex Sat 26-Mar-16 21:42:50

I have given birth at the following amount of weeks:


The most painful was 32 weeks.
It hurt.
Followed closely by 34 weeks. That was a ventouse so slightly different from the norm.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 26-Mar-16 21:47:03

Ooh and congratulations love. Don't let any bitch "invalidate" you, you've done good <pats back in a hopefully reassuring rather than patronising manner> grin
This is similar to women biatches dissing sections. In spite of the vast amount of post op trauma, longer recovery, uterine afterpains, scar sensitivity and in many cases prolonged labour pre. My friend needed morphine. When I had my third and it hurt, and it did, at least my recovery was friend in the next bed was in agony, crying at night and I got water for her but felt pretty helpless. Had I turned around and said my experience was more valid as I did it vaginally without pain relief i am an idiot, what would that make me? An insensitive arrogant and ignorant twunt, that's what. So...please ignore your friend. At forty weeks you might find it just as positive as this time. Did your friend have a rough time? Could she be envy?

Igottastartthinkingbee Sat 26-Mar-16 21:53:10

Oh dear lord, what a Muppet that 'friend' is. I gave birth at 31 weeks but I guess that doesn't count either cause it was a c section tbuconfused. It's hard not to take her comment to heart but how can she have any idea what you experienced? The trauma of having a prem baby is not all about the birth either, it's a huge emotional rollercoaster on top of the whole new baby rollercoaster experience. Try not to let it bother you, I hope all is well with baby the crab now.

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 26-Mar-16 21:54:33

^and there you have it. LocalEd and Molly both give reasons/experience as to why your friend is talking bollocks. Local have had sink plunger twice (clearly I am too lazy to push according to the OP's friend wink ) it is not nice but I still preferred it to the so-called "natural" experience, which just goes to show how we all feel things differently. At least I got away without an episiotomy the second time around. Hope you are okay now...five DC, I am in awe.

thecrab Sat 26-Mar-16 21:54:46

the thing is this friend has no children. So I have no idea where she got the idea that smaller baby = less pain

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 26-Mar-16 21:57:56

Exactly bee

P.S.It counts. star

Sunshine87 Sat 26-Mar-16 21:59:26

My DS was 7,2 and ventouse my DD was 8,5 she was by far the easy birth. Your friend is talking nonsense

KimmySchmidtsSmile Sat 26-Mar-16 22:00:40

Ha! Then there is such a thing as Karma OP. <starts whistling Payback is a bitch, then remembers about not wishing pain on anyone and grudgingly wishes OP's friend a positive birth experience>
Enjoy your baby x

Igottastartthinkingbee Sat 26-Mar-16 22:02:04

No kids?!?!? tbushock even more reason to disregard her comments. Getting a baby out is no fun n games whichever way you do it (I've done it both ways and I call a winner!)

SkyWasMadeOfAmethyst Sat 26-Mar-16 22:02:04

Congrats on your baby! Your friend is a dick.

Igottastartthinkingbee Sat 26-Mar-16 22:02:46

*can't call!!

5madthings Sat 26-Mar-16 22:05:25

Your friend is talking crap, my biggest baby 10lb 13oz with a head circumference that was off the charts was my easiest birth, the worst was my dd who was my smallest at 8lb.

Due Dc6 any time now and hoping it's nice and straightforward.

CustardSquare Sat 26-Mar-16 22:07:14

Ugh. I've had the same sort of response from a friend of mine too. I can't remember her exact words but she basically made out that I didn't have a real labour as I had my DS at 28 weeks. It hurt at the time but as she hasn't had any children, I tried not to take it to heart.

slebmum1 Sat 26-Mar-16 22:07:50

My 31 week twins were EMCS. I dilated to 7cm.

My sister came out with the gem 'of course you don't know what labour feels like'.

I know where you're coming from op thanks

Mama1980 Sat 26-Mar-16 22:18:06

Vent away, your 'friend' is a idiot.
Some people are just insensitive its beyond belief. Please don't give her comments headspace.
I had my ds1 at 26 weeks, my ds2 at 24 both by crash c section so I've never laboured at all. I had a couple of comments about my lack of stretch marks and not my needing to buy maternity clothes.....some people are just that stupid I'm afraid.
I do hope you and your babe are doing well? huge congratulation thanks

artisanroast Sat 26-Mar-16 22:29:21

I gave birth at 35+5 and had a good experience (mainly due to the epidural I think) but like you I feel I had a valid and initially very painful experience. I didn't scream but I did use breathing techniques.

Your friend sounds quite inconsiderate. Maybe she had a big 10lber and a generally traumatic experience and is secretly quite envious of your lack of trauma hence dismissing your very real birthing experience.

Us early birds... It can happen to anyone but you don't know until its happening to you. In our office 3 of us all gave birth around 36 weeks. None of us know why (although they may be working us too hard! haha!)

artisanroast Sat 26-Mar-16 22:32:06

and congratulations on your dc hope he/she is thriving xx

3boys3dogshelp Sat 26-Mar-16 22:34:11

Fwiw, of my 3 babies the biggest hurt the least, the smallest (and last) hurt like buggery! grin
your friend is a dick, remind her of this conversation when she has a baby! No doubt she will be mortified.

GC79 Sat 26-Mar-16 22:36:46

Out of interest, can people with more than one labour clearly remember the how painful each one was? Think I've blocked mine out! Don't think I could remember which was worse!

3boys3dogshelp Sat 26-Mar-16 22:50:11

Yes! There is a reason why my last was my last! I don't remember details of them all but I can remember feeling reasonably non painful and in control with first, quick and calm but a bit painful with second, bloody agony never to be repeated with third!

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