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Anyone fancy a good moan? Things are kind of quiet round here...

(32 Posts)
PearHead Mon 10-Aug-15 21:30:47

I'll start:

I'm so fed up of strangers going "Is she really two?? She's so tiny!!!". I know they don't mean anything by it and are just making conversation, but it still hits a nerve every time.

PearHead Mon 10-Aug-15 21:37:58

I'm also fed up with the shit, patchy follow-up we've had due to a house move (29 weeker, 2lbs9oz). And we've had to pay for most of it ourselves due to waiting lists where we live.

PearHead Mon 10-Aug-15 21:40:51

I worked so hard at establishing breastfeeding in nicu (expressing 8 times a day, etc.) and now everyone gives me shit about her still breastfeeding, including medical professionals.

PearHead Mon 10-Aug-15 21:41:56

Ahhh, that's better grin. Anyway, I'm nice really. Come and hang out!

plentyofshoes Tue 11-Aug-15 07:24:25

I keep popping back. Mine is a silly one and I know it is. A relative is heavily pregnant and I am very happy for her, she is lovely. Huge bump. I am envious as I had two prems and two very stressful pregnancies and it is too dangerous for a third. Makes me feel crap to feel like that. Moan over.

PearHead Tue 11-Aug-15 09:11:29

plenty flowers. Totally understandable. I often feel similar.

CustardSquare Tue 11-Aug-15 13:39:13

My friend is just coming up to 28 weeks and that's when I had my DS. I'm not sure how I'm going to react to her bump next time we see each other.

My DS is nearly 10 months and I'm getting shit about breastfeeding too! He has a few allergies which means I have to avoid them as well, everyone asks about putting him on formula. I worked bloody hard to breastfeed, I'm not giving it up over some cheese!

PearHead Tue 11-Aug-15 14:04:51

Aww, Custard. I'm sure you'll manage to put a brave face on it, however you actually feel and think of all the sleepless nights and baby puke ahead of her.

The cheese thing made me laugh grin. Getting to 10 months with a 28 weeker is awesome - I'm impressed, in any case, even if those cheese fanatics don't appreciate the achievement!

AbbeyRoadCrossing Tue 11-Aug-15 16:34:31

I'd like to moan about how no one understands my worries with pregnancy 2. My son was at 36 weeks exactly after going in at 35, so I know not a massive deal compared to most, but still I'd rather avoid a repeat. I see the consultant at 34 weeks, idiots.

It's also getting to the stage where people are saying "oooh bet you're fed up / want the baby out soon" no I really really don't. Thanks.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Tue 11-Aug-15 16:36:11

plenty I feel similar around very pregnant women and I'm pregnant myself, how silly am I?

CustardSquare Tue 11-Aug-15 16:55:04

Not silly at all Abbey! It's weird kind of mourning for the pregnancy you didn't have. I dread getting pregnant next time around. DS had group b strep and everything was fine until the day before I had him.

I'm worried about breastfeeding tbh. He had dropped off the weight chart entirely despite feeding constantly. I had a lactation consultant come round to check for tongue tie but I'm not convinced she looked properly. No one else seems to care. I spend most of my time googling about tongue tie and where to get it snipped!

PearHead Wed 12-Aug-15 11:47:12

Abbey, congratulations on you pregnancy! How far along are you? I think most people who haven't had a proper 'high-risk' pregnancy have absolutely no understanding of how stressful it might be. I'm also hoping for a second DC, but I have no idea how I'll cope with the anxiety if I do manage to get pregnant.

I remember sitting in a a waiting room with another pregnant lady about as far along as I was, just five minutes before finding out that I was going into premature labour. She looked so happy and was lovingly stroking her bump every few seconds. We shared a smile just before I went in. For me, she epitomises the kind of relaxed pregnancy I didn't have and will definitely never have now!

Custard, that sounds really stressful. I don't have any good advice, unfortunately - we also had a dodgy kind of latch and very frequent feeds, but her weight gain was acceptable enough that I persisted with it. It's so hard getting good breastfeeding advice anywhere. How is he finding solids?

AbbeyRoadCrossing Wed 12-Aug-15 13:34:44

Thanks both, I'm 28 weeks so getting to the comments from strangers stage. I think that's the thing, even though I don't have the same condition I'm still going to be anxious about everything. Whereas other pregnant women can enjoy their pregnancies I guess

No breastfeeding advice here as that was a disaster for me and didn't last long unfortunately. Hoping you can get some decent advice soon. You've both done well to bf for so long.

plentyofshoes Thu 13-Aug-15 00:30:13

Over the years it has got easier. However, after it went wrong the second time around I promised myself that I would enjoy dd once she was here. It was my second prem so I knew what was coming and she was very easy (thankfully)
I never got to do the lovely pregnancy things so it can be hard and difficult to explain unless you have experienced it.
I did not bf so no advice, sorry.

PearHead Thu 13-Aug-15 13:14:24

Abbey, you should plan yourself some lovely treats if you can! It always helps me alleviate anxiety, even if it's only something small.

plenty, glad to hear it gets better with time and that you managed to enjoy your DD. How early where your two, if you don't mind me asking?

I'm also gutted I missed out on lots of lovely pregnancy things, but I managed to fit in washing all the little clothes and packing my maternity bag, which made me feel a bit better, really irrationally! Disappointed about the baby yoga, maternity classes, spa day, sling class, nursery decorating, etc. It's weird, because of course those kinds of disappointments pale in comparison with watching your tiny premature baby struggle to breathe in its incubator, but they still carry their own kind of hurt.

summerdreams Thu 13-Aug-15 13:23:01

Ooh can I join my 33 weeker was one on tuesday, now im starting to hear is he walking is he crawling? im starting to just say yes to shut strangers up. Its bad enough he's having a lot of health problems at the minute and I cant yet see the end to our hellish year but constantly being asked about what he's doing is driving me nuts.
And the stupid health visitor rang about his 1 year check told her he's not one year corrected till end of september. And she said ok then sends me a form that says if there prem you need a diffrent form sick of all the crap.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Thu 13-Aug-15 13:51:11

Good idea PearHead even though DS was late preterm I also never left work, did the spa day, packed the bag etc. I was going to do it all whilst bored on mat leave in theory. Bag is almost complete and clothes washed already this time

summer mines not walking or crawling either but making progress. Hoping things get better soon for you

We have our 1 year check in a couple of weeks. The health visitors seem to alternate with me from "hes not really prem" to the opposite which leaves me confused. Sometimes I feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing (and I fully appreciate compared to earlier babies it is nothing) and others that I should've brought him in earlier

PearHead Sat 15-Aug-15 22:06:52

summer, so sorry to hear about your DS's health problems. That must be very difficult and stressful for you.

I absolutely hated those questions too, when DD wasn't yet crawling. I even cried once, when an acquaintance with a son of a similar age went, with fake wide-eyed innocence "Oh, is she not crawling yet?!? Mmmm...".

And YY to the HCP confusion over the prematurity thing. We even missed out on a health check, as they couldn't get their head around the corrected age thing.

Abbey, I often feel that parents of late preterm babies sometimes fall between the cracks somewhat, in that they can have all sorts of legitimate concerns related to prematurity, but are often treated to the whole "well, they weren't really* premature, though, were they?" thing. It must be really frustrating.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Sun 16-Aug-15 22:19:34

Just to add to the list of moans, there's a good friend on Facebook right now that wants their baby out early. I'd kind of understand if they had no idea what they were saying (well, actually I'd still be pissed off - I had a whole thread about this once!) but they know I had a long hospital stay etc.

MiaowTheCat Mon 17-Aug-15 09:11:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMedusa Mon 17-Aug-15 09:47:37

Often when I talk about DS prematurity people will say how well he's doing and that I should stop dwelling on it as he's fine now. Really? Would you choose to have a baby 3 months early? Do you think that sets them up with the best start in life? Fine or not, I am still and will likely to continue to be traumatised by this.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Tue 18-Aug-15 12:23:42

I've just found out I have anti c. From what I can tell its similar to anti d but much rarer. If my blood level goes up I'll have to deliver the baby. So much for a normal pregnancy this time. I'm 29 weeks so just got to watch, wait and hope it stays low. I want to be positive but I'm quite sick of rare pregnancy complications now!

PearHead Tue 18-Aug-15 15:47:07

Abbey, sorry to hear about that flowers. You must be feeling so fed up. Forgive my total ignorance, but what are the implications? Will you be needing regular blood tests or extra monitoring? I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't cause you any problems.

Medusa, yes, I hate that. People can be so weird about it. It's getting to the stage where I'm actually finding it quite a useful tool for weeding out zero-empathy people. If they can't understand why I'm still talking about it, or if they refuse to even acknowledge my DD's prematurity in any way, then I know that they're not the kind of people I want to spend any time with at this point in my life. flowers to you. It is traumatic and well done for talking about it.

PearHead Tue 18-Aug-15 15:48:38

Miaow, I bet it was the most enjoyable haircut of your life smile.

PearHead Tue 18-Aug-15 16:00:33

Can I also just have a general rant about Facebook?

I know that people are proud of their bumps, love their squishy newborns, and just want to share the loveliness with the world. And I know that having a newborn is tough for many, and that the pretty pictures probably don't tell the whole story.

But some days it smarts being reminded time and time again of how bad, and how different, my experience was. And I can't imagine how people who've had a stillbirth or recurrent miscarriages, or the many who suffer from infertility, or anyone whose baby was diagnosed with a serious condition, must feel. I know I'm probably being a bit unfair, but I think sometimes people forget their sensitivity at the door when they log into Facebook.

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