Prem baby 33+5 now has NEC help

[Vnl2008]

Hiya all, new to this forum, but a friend suggested it to me, my name is vicki and i have 3 boys one of which was born on 11.01.15 at 33+5 gestation by emergency csec due to be having septecemia and him becoming distressed.

the csec was a very complicated one, i stopped breathing twice and lost alot of blood, and my son needed breathing help.


after having two natural full term births this threw me, i suffer from depression and have done for a long time....


harry was born weighing 5lb6! amazing weight for a premie, he was transferred from my local hospital to a special one for Cpap!. leaving me behind he was 48 hours old before i saw him, and when i did it was on ITU and full of tubes etc, whilst at the unit another premie angel sadly passed away right infront of me

after 5 days he was doing fab ! feeding and breathing on his own, for the next 3 days he was stable and upto full feeds!.... atlast we had an outlook on going home.....

12 hours later harry took a turn for worst and was diagnosed with NEC and a hole in his bowel, he was so poorly and was rushed to theatre! my world has been turned upside down and i am really struggling to accept any of this he is now in a stable condition after losing 23cm of bowel, and has a stoma, they have said the next 14 days are critical, before harry went down they had the "talk" with us, now i cant shift the feeling he is going to die, i am going to be burying my own baby. everyone is telling me to be positive but i cant!

i see him laid there lifeless as hes sedated! i blame myself it was my body that kicked him out because it couldnt cope..... he would of been fine in my belly WHY did it do that WHY ? i would rather i suffered then my gorgeous boy.

im trying to be strong but i am broken :'(

anyone got any experiences with any of this that can help me i would be grateful
thank you vicki

[Happylass1]

You poor woman. You've been though so much. I too am a prem mum and my heart goes out to you. Even though totally different circumstances i think all prem mums question why and what did i do wrong. Guilt comes with parenting. You say that you would rather suffer but from the sounds of it you did and still are. I pray that Harry is getting better and i know that he knows how much his mummy loves him x

[Dildals]

It was not you who caused him to come prematurely, he just couldn't wait to meet you and his family. Some babies are like that, impatient.

Being in NICU is so hard, you see and learn too many things that no parent should have to know.

I have no real advice, rather than you just have to carry on and try and take good care of yourself. He's going to need his mum so you need to make sure you stay healthy.

Ask your nurse if they can refer you to a counsellor and if they can't it's worthwhile calling BLISS (or your private healthcare or the GP) to see if they can provide you one.

I still look at the hospital sometimes and am surprised it is still there, surely it would have imploded by now from all the balled up emotions that came together there.

x