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I miss being pregnant! It got stolen!

(31 Posts)
FraggleRock77 Sun 24-Nov-13 05:36:14

I've just taken a sneaky look at the Becoming a Parent Section where i used to post! I would be 35 Wks now.
I just keep thinking i have no stretch marks and piles! shock

plentyofsoap Mon 25-Nov-13 04:18:56

It is pretty common to feel like that. After my first prem I got really upset about it especially when I had friends due around the same time. This time I accepted I wouldn't get to term. Again a good friend has the same due date and is still pregnant while I have a six week old baby asleep on me!
This time I had planned to do normal pregnant women stuff and had booked a spa day ect and it all got cancelled. She is here and is healthy and thats all that matters. I know where you are coming from though.
Still grumpy about the bloody spa day though.... wink

rumtumtugger Mon 25-Nov-13 23:05:59

Same here too. I felt cheated out of the last trimester of pregnancy - I would have enjoyed sitting on the sofa immobile and stuffing my face with selection box chocolates and moaning about my cankles. She's now 3 months old (actual age) and I wear her on me in a sling about 80% of the time - I think it's my way of making up for the lost time that she was still supposed to be in me, it's like she's still my bump.

FraggleRock77 Mon 25-Nov-13 23:21:18

I totally agree PlentyOf about him being here and healthy. And RumTum that is a lovely thought about carrying your baby around.
I think mainly I'm just annoyed at wasting six weeks of my Mat Leave stuck in NICU!!! shock

plentyofsoap Tue 26-Nov-13 03:55:23

I don't blame you for being angry at the 6 weeks being gone. With my ds I ended up having a month of unpaid leave on the end which was tight, but worth it?

MultipleMama Tue 26-Nov-13 14:00:25

FraggleRock77 I would be 39 weeks, today - doubt they would have made it this far anyway but...

The twins are 8 week old today, and though I am glad to finally have them here, I do miss having the joys and pains of the 3rd trimester. I had so much planned and were I should have been relaxing and had planned to have my bump spray painted for photos etc, like I did with all my PGs, I'm now back and forth to the NICU. It's hectic and something I feel sad about. And looking through old PG photos don't help! Haha.

It's their due date next Tuesday so on that day I've decided to celebrate not having to push out 2 football sized babies! I have a crap sense of humor.

MrsSpencerReid Tue 26-Nov-13 14:04:23

I am 30w and am willing to donate my last 8w to anyone who is interested grin my DS was born at 35w and that was long enough for me!! I'm struggling to imagine making it to 38w!!

neversleepagain Tue 26-Nov-13 14:22:33

I also felt like the last stages of my pregnancy were taken away from me. I had 6 week prem twins. They were sleepy for ages and couldn't BF until they were "term" as their mouths were so small and they kept falling asleep.

MultipleMama Tue 26-Nov-13 15:09:26

neversleep Same here. Since my dd came home, all she really does is sleep. I got a few smiles out of her but she'd much rather sleep and feed. Thankfully, I could bf her but she sleeps soooo much!

plentyofsoap Tue 26-Nov-13 16:53:11

Its my dds due date at the end of this week and I'm fully recovered from my section and she is starting to spend longer awake now and family kife is getting back to normal. Its strange to think it could have been very different. I guess I will never know the joys of getting past 33 weeks. I did experience labour this time (til my section) which I was upset about missing the first time although I thought I was dying!

RedundantExpat Thu 28-Nov-13 12:26:51

In the beginning when people in the street asked for DDs' age I would reply with the pregnancy week that they would have been had they been carried to term.

Zipadeedoodah Thu 28-Nov-13 12:30:12

My boys were 12 weeks premature and I can honestly say that at no time in the whole process did I ever miss being pregnant. Just grateful that by the wonders of medical intervention and great help they survived. So much to be grateful for, so little to moan about.

FraggleRock77 Thu 28-Nov-13 16:12:09

You are right Zip, so many things to be thankful for plus i have a wonderful baby boy. However I'm jealous about missing out on all the third T pregnancy stuff like Mat leave, spa day, sling meet, long days in bed before the birth. But i wouldn't put my little boy back in my womb for anything now grin xxx

KnittingNoodle Thu 28-Nov-13 16:44:21

Pre-baby mat leave is not all it's cracked up to be in my experience. I was on leave from 30 weeks (lots of annual leave to use up) and was ready to die of sheer boredom. I actually cheered when my waters went at 36 weeks, then felt quite guilty about wishing poor DS out early blush

MultipleMama Thu 28-Nov-13 19:33:37

I'm glad too as I knew from early on that T1 would not make full term but we expected 34 weeks instead we made it to 31 weeks due good ol' magnesium - however vile!

ZenNudist Thu 28-Nov-13 19:39:15

I'm sorry the first few months for you have been in scbu or similar. Speaking from the depths of third trimester it is not a good state to be in. Don't regret missing valuable pregnant time. It's shitty. Be concerned for you'd dc health. You wouldn't wish for premie baby but ending pregnancy early is the main / only positive!!!!

runawaysimba Thu 28-Nov-13 19:53:13

I know the posters saying the third trimester isn't all it's cracked up to be mean well, but really it's not helpful. We don't pile on to the overdue threads to say they should count themselves lucky they don't have a baby in Nicu/SCBU, after all.
Prenatal mat leave might not be great, but at least you get some time to nest/get your shopping done without having to squeeze it into gaps between hospital trips. Anyone with a preterm baby would swap the worst of late pregnancy for a full term baby.
Sorry to rant on an otherwise lovely thread, but this just really irks me.

MrsPear Thu 28-Nov-13 20:05:11

I would love to experience late pregnancy. My husband was shock at the size of his sister until I pointed out that I only got to exactly 30 weeks. With my second I got to 31 but it felt not much different. I would have loved to have gone further and waddled and got stuck on the sofa and asked for help with socks. Instead I got no cuddles at birth just a quick peek as they run out of the room followed by an emotional rollercoaster for 5 and 6 weeks respectively. Yes I wish I experienced late pregnancy but I what I really wish was to have held my babies straight after birth all squashed, warm and yucky.

DameDeepRedBetty Thu 28-Nov-13 20:16:48

flowers to everyone.

It's nearly fifteen years ago now, but reading your posts brought it all back. I stopped work on a Tuesday, went on the antenatal class official visit to the maternity unit on the Thursday, went into labour at 3.30 on the Friday morning and had the twins about tea time.

At that point I was the proud owner of a double buggy that I hadn't had any input into choosing (thank you MIL hmm) ... and six vests.

Absolutely nothing else. Me and Ma had been planning to have a shopping frenzy in John Lewis in Bristol that day, instead my wonderful mum was holding my hand and stoutly fighting off a wittering registrar who was convinced it was impossible to give birth to twins without a c-section.

Having said, it was nice not to have serious stretch marks, and one of the small positives of SCBU was that they sent me home after 36 hours, where I got loads of sleep every night for three weeks, spending 14 hours at the hospital and 10 at home every night - which meant at least I had some energy reserves to draw on when the girls did come home.

MultipleMama Thu 28-Nov-13 21:16:46

runawaysimba Same here. I would switch any day for another full term, healthy babies and an uncomplicated PG at that, so that my son wouldn't be fighting in NICU. I don't need to be reminded how grateful I should be, when I see it everyday in my little boy & girl. We don't miss the aches and pains of 3rd trimester, we miss what should have been and what we were denied. I'm so emotional today... I need sleep.

runawaysimba Thu 28-Nov-13 21:31:55

brew Multiplemama (and everyone else). I wouldn't dream of telling someone complaining about late pregnancy to be grateful she's still pregnant, but for some reason people seem to think it's okay to try to get you to look on the "bright side" of having a prem baby.

(To speak in gross generalisations.)

plentyofsoap Thu 28-Nov-13 21:47:03

There is no bright side really, its crap. I have managed it twice but have tried to stay positive the second time round. I cannot put myself through all the guilt I felt the first time or the total anxiety which stayed for a good couple of years after. I cannot change what happened but I'm determined to enjoy every moment this time now she is home. My good friend is overdue and moaning to me about it. I guess unless you have been through it you have no idea.

KnittingNoodle Thu 28-Nov-13 22:31:05

Runaway I am really sorry that my post came across badly, the last thing I wanted to do was make people feel worse. It reads as flippant when I look back at it but it was meant seriously.

My son was born prematurely - albeit not as much as many others on this board but early enough that he was badly jaundiced, hypothermic, hypoglycaemic, and unable to feed properly. I would never tell another mother of a premature baby that there is a bright side, because there isn't. I know that.

I was just sharing my own experience of a pregnancy that was horrible both physically and emotionally, and I was not sorry to have it end. Of course I would have continued if I could, to spare my baby what he went through in his first days. I felt a lot of guilt at first about my utter relief at the pregnancy being over, and it's only recently I've allowed myself to accept this as not being synonymous with wishing my son out too early. I've been very conflicted about my feelings on this. (Not helped by my mother constantly suggesting reasons for it being my fault that I went into labour early).

But I did not mean to tell others that they should feel the same, and I am very sorry if it came across like that. I hope this post explains things a bit more clearly.

MultipleMama Thu 28-Nov-13 22:54:53

knittingnoddle To me, you have nothing to be sorry for, you said nothing out of hand. I feel drained today and saw the post for what I thought it was however I'm sure I'll have a positive day and see it as a positive post rather than negative.

I think for most it's a raw, touchy subject and everyone has a different outlook xx

KnittingNoodle Thu 28-Nov-13 23:28:15

Thank you for the kind words MultipleMama smile I am thinking of your baby boy and girl and wish them all the very best (and you of course, and everyone else on this thread going through a tough time).

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