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hi advice needed..... please...

(10 Posts)
hippy3 Sat 21-May-11 17:48:33

I am a first time mum to 7 week old twin boys who were born early at 36 weeks.... (so 3 week adjusted age)...and i am desperate for a smile... am I being too hopefull...are they still way to young, its very confusing do I go from when theyw ere born or when they should have been born???

They are also still very sleepy, as soon as you give them cuddles they fall asleep, in the pram, in the car..etc... should they be more awake in the day?? Am I expecting to much from them, ...............?? help... I seem to be looking for things that arent right. They hardly ever cry...unless they are being changed or hungry, or they have wet themselves....and sometimes seem to stare off vacantly, although they do make contact with me when I talk to them, but look away also.....

They are both putting on weight, both feed really well.... no one else seems concerned?? Am i being a demented new mum.......??? PLease help.....

PollFlanders Sat 21-May-11 19:01:42

Hi Hippy3 and congratulations on your twins! They sound just fine, they really do. Yes, you should think about them only being 3 weeks, not 7 and they will be very sleepy still. Not all babies scream at the drop of a hat and looking at you and looking away is quite normal. They are clearly quite content because you're meeting all their needs - and well done to you for that. As for smiling, well everyone has a different theory about when that happens, I would take their contentment as their 'smile' at the moment, it really will come soon enough. And no you're not demented, you're just normal!! My daughter was born at 29 weeks so I know there's even more to worry about when they're a bit early but you sound like you have happy chaps.

evitas Sat 21-May-11 20:56:49

hippy3 congratulations! My DS was born at 35 weeks and I remember it took ages (or at least from my perspective) for him to smile! But now he's a smiley boy
Imagine that if you had been over due they would be just 1 week old... so it seems perfectly normal. I remember that for a long time I had to wake DS for him to feed every three hours, and he didn't cry much. But now (he's 15 months) I wish he would sleep more and cry less!
So, just enjoy them as much as you can. I remember being anxious all the time... but they have their own rhythm.
Good luck!
And come here if whenever you have doubts!

efeslight Sat 21-May-11 22:27:53

hello hippy, lovely to read about your little boys, our baby was born 12 weeks early, and i just looked back at our photos and notes, he began to smile at around 6 weeks old, so actually 6 weeks before he was born, but it didn't happen very often at first.
at this age i would think you need to think of them as their adjusted age.
i always got mixed up whenever people asked me how old he was, because i was thinking of 2 different ages, and i also used to take an extra month or 2 off, because he was so small and sometimes i didn't want to explain why he was so tiny.
it sounds like they're doing really well, feeding and sleeping, so keep doing whatever you're doing. just a small point, when he was born, i read about premature babies looking away if they are feeling over stimulated and that was certainly the case for our little boy, sometimes he'd had enough of my singing/eye contact etc, so perhaps that's whats happening with yours?
try to enjoy them and dont worry too much

hippy3 Sun 22-May-11 11:22:08

Thanks for your reassurance...

I think I am being a bit over emotional and anxious.... be also they have what we think is reflux...and its breaking my heart and we arent sleeping properly as they really struggle in the soon as I put them down on their backs(the mattress is at an angle) they start fussing...straining, groaning, and then usually vomit.... it takes us AGES to get them to sleep...and they male an awful noise like they are in pain..Im going to the docs this week as I have tried EVERYTHING to help them and nothing is working...Next step is to see if I can change the there is a query that they might be lactose intolerant.... we are trying to eliminate everything first....

Thanks for the support. Didnt realise that this forum was here.... will probably be on here a great deal !!! x thanks again for the support.....xx

PollFlanders Mon 23-May-11 07:08:34

Sorry to hear about the ?reflux, it can be a tricky issue. My daughter had a bit and had infant gaviscon but there is a massive spectrum of severity (and remember all babies puke!). If you look up both 'reflux' and 'lactose intolerant' on here I'm sure you'll find some previous advice from people who have dealt with both these issues.

hildathebuilder Mon 23-May-11 16:31:56

Hi, my DS was 11 weeks early smiled at 2 weeks corrected for me, but it took until he was 7 weeks corrected for my DH to see it. I swear he thought I was making it up. Anyway you really should think of them as their corrected age not their actual age. Which makes everything sooo very frustrating. I rememebr my GP sayign that to me when I took DS in for his first jabs when he was still a minus, and her telling me it was going to be a long time to wait for a smile!

DS also didn't really cry until he was about 3 weeks corrected, he was just really quiet and slept a lot.

Also premature babies are very prone to reflux. My DS was, and it took him 6 months ish to grow out of it. Boys are anecdoctally worse than girls. Ask your GP about domperidone if the vomiting is the problem, ranitidine if its pain, both if you think they have both.

it gets easier.

gingergirl30 Tue 24-May-11 09:41:44

Hi Hippy, mine was 31+3 and he smiled at 11 weeks actual age. He's six months now and smiles almost constantly, has something of an evil laugh too.

It's easy for us all to say don't worry, it'll happen, but we all obsessed about it too I'm sure. I know I did. But it all happens and then you'll find whole new things to obsess about. Also, prem babies do make a lot of noise, so some of what you're hearing may not be pain. Mine grunted and strained a lot in the first few weeks, was like sleeping in the same room as a small dog!

efeslight Tue 24-May-11 12:55:11

yes, the noises, groans and grunts were amazing, coming from someone so small, it used to keep me awake for hours.
our son also had reflux, have you had the obvious advice about lots of burping, more time being held upright after a feed? he has grown out of it now, but i'm convinced its turned into hiccups when he laughs too much, its all to do with a weak diaphragm, isn't it? we were advised to try laying him on his front more, do your little ones like that position?

hippy3 Fri 03-Jun-11 18:29:58

just an update....9 weeks today and still no smile, although i am seeing LOADS of facial expressions that i had not been seeing the last few weeks.....lots of tounges poking out and cute pouting like behaviour..... spoke to the HV and the doc who seemed surprised that they hadnt smiles yet....but i am tryint not to stress about it..... they are the cutest things and i have decided that i should just enjoy them , and not stress too much. like u have all said i am sure they will do it in their own time......

thanks for the support....xxxx i bet once they smile ill be worries about something else !!!! lol...... hope your all enjoying the weather !! and have great plans for the bank

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