Have an 8 month old and pregnant again. Should I have an abortion?

[lydiaO101]

Hi all,

Just looking for some advise really.

I currently have an 8 month old DS and he is the most happy, content little boy.

I have just found out that I'm pregnant again and so badly want to be happy about it but I am so worried that DS is going to be pushed out and I'll miss him growing up. I'm also due to start a new job next week so I know I won't get maternity pay which is another massive worry and feel so bad having to start and tell them that I'm pregnant.

Does anyone think it would be better to get an abortion now (I'm about 4 weeks) and wait a couple of years until DS is bigger or continue with the pregnancy?

Thank you

[Separateatone]

It would be easier than if your DS had been twins, IYSWIM.

[onyourway]

Please don't worry about your ds being pushed out, he'll be a toddler by the time the baby arrives.

And he won't know any different.

[Sheleg]

They'll be close in age, which will be lovely!

I'm massively pro-choice, but in this case I would say don't abort.

[CaraDuneRedux]

It's one of these situations where only you can decide what's right for you and your family, but by all means talk it through with us as a way of helping you to make the decision.

Going off decades of experience of making and watching friends make these decisions which are huge at the time, in retrospect it will all work out okay whatever you decide.

You may want to get this shifted to antenatal choices (click on "report" on your own opening post and ask MNHQ to move it) so it's clear to everyone that this is a support thread to help you make a difficult decision, not a general discussion thread for people to get on their hobby horses about abortion in general.

[lydiaO101]

Have an abortion, not be an abortion🤦‍♀️

[Scarby9]

My cousin's children are 11 months apart( not planned that way). They obviously have no memory of life without one another. That's their normal - they are very close.

[HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee]

It’s a deeply personal choice based on your needs,preferences,health
I wish you well whatever you chose. Every woman is entitled to a termination

[lydiaO101]

Thank you all. I've never wanted to have an abortion and the thought of it is horrible but it's such a hard choice. Especially with me having not even started my new job yet, I just feel a bit stupid

[Thisismyusername1]

It’s such a personal choice but from my experience my sister and I are 11 months apart and have always been close and I don’t recall being pushed out although I was very small when she was born! We have another sister who is five years younger than me and we were not as close with her when we were younger but we are now.

Also will you be entitled to maternity allowance? My youngest sister had her children 18 months apart and was on maternity leave when she was pregnant she got maternity allowance for her second child. (My niece and nephew are also super close and there doesn’t seem to be any extra jealousy there)!

[BishopBrennansArse]

My first two were 14 months apart. I won't lie it was really difficult for the first year but then was nice as they were proper playmates, now they're both stroppy teens which is delightful.

You must make the decision that is right for you and not be swayed by others' accounts. Will the financial thing be a massive issue? How do you actually feel about this? Could you do it? Do you want to?

[lifestooshort123]

This is the wrong place to be asking whether you should have an abortion. Your new job is a bit of a poser as they might not be too chuffed but that is their problem and not yours. You are better off telling them as soon as you start as they will need to do a risk assessment and, tbh, better to get that conversation over at the start as it won't get easier. Having 2 children close in age is a blessing if you can get your head round it - your son will have a playmate and they will go through school together. He won't feel pushed out as he'll be too young to notice or care so perhaps not factor that into it. Good luck whatever you decide.

[Serenschintte]

Or he will have a sibling close in age and they will be great friends. And no jealousy because they are so close in age and your older one will be so young when the younger sibling is born.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Only you can make this call. It's so personal a choice to have to make.

The thing that would be on my mind is if I subsequently went on to struggle to fall pregnant, and dc1 was an only child, would I still feel ok about my choice.

If I happened to fall pregnant with dc3, I would book an abortion, as I have no desire to grow my family and am planning sterilisation. But I wouldn't feel so decided if I fell pregnant knowing that at some point I would plan a sibling.

All the cons you list are surmountable, but that doesn't mean you should absoloutley continue the pregnancy - only you can decide that.

[AlwaysLatte]

My stepsons are 15 months apart, and are very close ♥️

[lydiaO101]

I have looked into it and I'm thinking that I may be entitled to maternity allowance which wouldn't be too much different than SMP in the end and I'm sure we would be okay. I think its the fact that I feel bad about going into a new job already pregnant but I know that isn't a reason to abort, just feel a bit silly

[DuzzyFuck]

Hi OP. Ultimately of course it's totally down to you and finance etc without maternity pay will be a consideration, but if you plan to have more children in the future anyway then is poor timing really the worst thing in the world?

Would you be happy for DS to be an only child if you came back to it in 2 years and then for some reason couldn't conceive?

Personally I think 15 months apart is quite a nice difference. My friends two boys are just a few months further apart than that and they're as thick as thieves. I don't think the elder one has ever for a second felt pushed out; he's never known any different than having his little brother around.

Good luck with your decision

[Woodlandbelle]

I have a much smaller age gap and would recommend it. I only wanted two so I just had the two together and they are so close and godo to each other.
But the financial side is a factor. No way would one child feel left out so don't worry about that. I wouldnt feel stupid at all. You are very fertile after having a baby.

[DuzzyFuck]

@lydiaO101 I understand how you feel (I'm currently seeking a new job but also TTC so could end up in the same boat) but ultimately it's the employers problem, not yours. It happens and it's undoubtedly annoying but it's only a job to you and you're only an employee to them.

Your family is more important x

[notacooldad]

My brother and sister are 11 months in age. I've talked to my mum in the past about this and she reckons ( on her opinion) it was easier having them two close in age than me and my sister ( a few years apart)
In your shoes I wouldn't abort. In fact I wish that would have happened to me!

[TheGriffle]

If you can afford it and want a second child then there’s no reason to abort just because you’ve got a new job.

Can you afford 2 lots of nursery/childminder fees at the same time or for you to be a SAHM?

[Pringlemonster]

I had 3 under 3
Ready made playmates ,no one was pushed out
If your going to have another at a later date anyway ...might as well just have this one ,get the baby stage over with quicker ,they will amuse each other with a smaller gap

[lalalalands]

I honestly don't mean to be harsh or insensitive and am obviously not in the same situation myself, but these threads make me so sad. I can never understand how someone could terminate a baby when they've already had one- doesn't it make you feel as if you would be terminating someone just as precious as your DS? Whenever there are debates about abortion it's all about rape, abuse, medical problems etc, in comparison money and sibling worries are much more mundane issues.

[SendHelp30]

My son was 10 months old when I got pregnant with DS2. They had their own bedrooms but we regularly found DS1 asleep in the morning at the side of DS2 cot with his hand on the side.
They adore one another and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

[TheVanguardSix]

How are you coping so far with DC1 and how is your relationship? DC2 has a big impact and two so close together can be extraordinarily trying if things like finances are an issue or the relationship between you and your partner is fragile.
People will tell you 'ah it's great. You'll love it' and that's probably true but you have to really think about your own personal circumstances here and your own family dynamics at present. A huge factor here is how supportive your partner is.

[StacySoloman]

@lalalalands

I honestly don't mean to be harsh or insensitive and am obviously not in the same situation myself, but these threads make me so sad. I can never understand how someone could terminate a baby when they've already had one- doesn't it make you feel as if you would be terminating someone just as precious as your DS? Whenever there are debates about abortion it's all about rape, abuse, medical problems etc, in comparison money and sibling worries are much more mundane issues.

Ending a pregnancy isn't making any judgement on the "preciousness" of the foetus

Most women who have abortions already have children. When you have a child, you prioritise their health and wellbeing - so of course your work/financial situation, what you can cope with in terms of parenting, your relationship with your partner are all factors in whether you continue a subsequent pregnancy.