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How did you know when you were done having babies?

(31 Posts)
jabice Tue 08-Dec-20 11:01:33

I've got 2 girls, aged 3 & 8 months.

Once the second baby was out, I just felt like I really wanted another one. Thought that feeling might change with sleepless nights etc., but I just felt euphoric for months, and I still really want another one.

We won't have any more as partner doesn't want any more (he's very hands on and does absolutely loads, so I completely understand it from his point of view). But I just have this deep yearning for another one.

Does this feeling go?? How did you know you were done with having children?

OP’s posts: |
brads88 Wed 09-Dec-20 14:33:26

I don't have an answer - but I want you to know I'm in exactly the same position (including having a very helpful husband) and feel exactly the same way!

Tash6000 Sat 12-Dec-20 19:45:10

We always thought we would have 4. Had the same feeling after baby No1 and no2 that you describe. Thought I'd have it after baby no3 too, but no, absolutely not. Right after she was born I knew I was done done and nothing would change my mind. 2 years later and I'm still 100% sure that 3 is the number for us. My husband would probably have more if he could as he loves the kids to pieces but he knows and respects that 3 girls is our lot. So I think you just know when you're done x

Aquamarine1029 Sat 12-Dec-20 19:50:41

I have two and knew before my second was born that I was done. I had my tubes tied a year after she was born and have never regretted doing so. That was 20 years ago.

Varjakpaw Sat 12-Dec-20 19:52:31

About a week after DD3 was born. We just ‘knew’. It was a surprise because I always imagined 4.

HavelockVetinari Sat 12-Dec-20 19:55:24

After 8 rounds of IVF we've come to terms with DS being an only - it was hard though, our lives won't look anything like we thought they would. I guess you need to grieve for what you thought you wanted/got and then make new plans.

MummaBear4321 Sat 12-Dec-20 19:55:24

I cant give advice but I am in a similar position. I have a 2 year old DD and a 5 week old DD. My DD1 was an easy baby, so i was waiting for this one to whoop my ass, but instead she is even easier! I always said I wanted 3, but I am a horrendous pregnant person (constantly sick, I am a small person so I cant move for the last 3 months, I dont sleep, my hormones go haywire) and DH said he cant go through it all again. I am reluctant too, and said I was done, but now DH is saying about bagging up clothes that DD2 is growing out of so we can sell them and I suddenly cant part with them. I keep thinking 'what if I want another?'.

I an trying to think logically about it; we would need to change the car, we would need an extension, we would be outnumbered, my career would be on hold again for years. I should be done. 3 kids isnt practical for us, but I cant shake the feeling.

Sarahandduck18 Sat 12-Dec-20 19:57:56

Once youngest was about 3 the thought of ever doing buggies/ nappies/cost of childcare ever again gives me the shivers.

I don’t even like looking at babies now.

soberfabulous Sat 12-Dec-20 19:58:37

I knew from way before I got pregnant I only wanted one. Delighted with one and my mind hasn't changed (she's 7 now!)

FTMF30 Sat 12-Dec-20 20:03:50

I'm currently pregnant with DC2. I definitely know I don't want anymore. DC1 was a very difficult baby and I'm bracing myself for round 2. I personally couldn't cope with more.

FlyNow Sat 12-Dec-20 20:06:45

I felt exactly the same way, but as dc2 is getting older the feeling has passed a little. He is now one and so active, life is so busy with the two of them. I enjoy it but I can see that three might be too stressful and not as enjoyable. That is somewhat taking over the "desperate to have a newborn" feeling. Plus the thought of being pregnant while taking care of both of them!

BlueSpruce Sat 12-Dec-20 20:06:55

I had the crazy broodiness for a third almost immediately after having my second, but DH definitely felt done and his reasons were sensible. My longing for a third ebbed and flowed until I was in my late 30s and just felt too old.

I’m glad we stuck at two. I think I would’ve had had that broody feeling for another baby no matter how many children I’d had! Two teenagers is quite enough, though, thank you!

RuralMam Sat 12-Dec-20 20:07:26

Like @Tash6000 I knew straightaway after dd that I wanted another, but after ds was born I knew for certain I didn't want anymore, even though he was easier than dd. Hes 2 now and my dh had the snip yesterday as we're both still 100% certain we don't want anymore xx

FippertyGibbett Sat 12-Dec-20 20:07:31

My DH said he didn’t want another.

PotteringAlong Sat 12-Dec-20 20:08:52

I just did. When DS2 was born I always knew he was my second and not my last. I knew I was done the instant I got pregnant with DS3 and have never wavered from that .

frolicmum Sat 12-Dec-20 20:13:18

@FTMF30 my friend had a very high needs baby as her first, her second who is now 3 months old is the happiest and most chilled baby, she keeps ringing me and keeps talking about it. I hope you get a second baby like that xx

NameChange30 Sat 12-Dec-20 20:17:31

I always wanted two children. Took me a while after DC1 to be ready to have a second, for various reasons. Second pregnancy was even harder than the first one (PGP was worse, 3yo to look after, plus covid and lockdown) and I spent all of it telling myself it was the last time! Second birth was much better but still intense, painful and a bit scary. I remember that shortly after the birth I said something like YAY, NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN! And 3 months in, totally in love with DC2 but not in love with the sleep deprivation and demands of parenting two little ones. Keep telling myself it will pass. And it will because I'm definitely done! Got a big pile of pregnancy clothes that I will be very happy to get rid of.

I'm afraid I have no advice as I obviously don't feel the same as you at all grin But I do think that two children is plenty, you will be able to give them more of your time, attention and money if you stick with two rather than having more.

I realise it's a heart vs head thing though, you can want another child even if your head is telling you it's not sensible! (That's how I felt about DC2, wanted to do it even though I knew it made no objective sense!)

happytoday73 Sat 12-Dec-20 20:22:36

My doctor pointed out that my body doesn't cope well after birth. long term effect on body that gets worse each time gave chold/as older..and sort of suggested i should consider my children that are here over future possible ones.

Also twins run in my family... Twins with 2 already, ft job plus im older mum would not be my idea of fun...I know some people manage it well but not for me! .

FTMF30 Sat 12-Dec-20 20:49:43

@frolicmum Thank you! I'm too scared to even hope for an easy baby this time around in case it doesn't happen (don't want to get my hopes up). shudders as I have flashbacks of the first few months with DC1

Bumblenums Sat 12-Dec-20 21:09:43

The sleep deprivation- I love babies, but after 2 non sleepers I know that both my body and my marriage would not survive!

Smartiepants79 Sat 12-Dec-20 21:17:39

At about 2am when my youngest was 2 months old.
Thought right then that I couldn’t see me doing this again.
I’m content with my two.
I’ve hit 40.
My body would hate me for having another.
Try and start separating the hormonal wanting from the practicalities of another child. Give it some time and I would expect your perspective to change.

ScubaSteven Sat 12-Dec-20 21:47:35

I always wanted 3 and planned to have another after DS2. We waited and then I changed my job so that life would be easier with a 3rd child. Then we just didn't try, I went back to my old job and now that DS2 has turned 5 I just can't imagine going back to the baby stage again.

Looking back I think I knew I was done, DH wasn't overly keen on 3 but he agreed if I wanted another we should try. I had a bit of a wobble when sorting out the baby stuff but once it was all gone I felt strangely accepting and the longing for another went.

The only thing that has been strange since I made my decision is that I feel like I should have had a daughter, I have 2 boys who I wouldn't swap for the world but then 2 friends have had girls over the last few months. One of them was saying that they can all go for for girly weekends when they reach their teens and I just started thinking about the different experiences of parenting I'd have if we'd had a girl as our 3rd. I think I'll miss the experience of having a girl (and I'd be saying the same thing if I'd had girls and didn't have a boy).

It hasn't been a straight forward 'I'm finished' decision for us, more like a change in circumstance acknowledgment.

MyCatShopsAtAldi Sat 12-Dec-20 21:52:29

I always knew I wanted a second, though DH was unconvinced. I now have DC2. I know I’m done. Before, it was like a physical ache. Now, even though in some ways I’d love to try for DC3, I know I’m done. I never, ever want to be pregnant again or give birth again. I’m selling baby clothes fairly happily. I think you know - and if you don’t, there’s unfinished business!

MyCatShopsAtAldi Sat 12-Dec-20 21:56:43

@ScubaSteven, I know exactly what you mean. The only thing that would incentivise me to try for DC3 would be a guarantee that it would be a girl (I also have two boys, who are much loved, but there is a sadness there that I’ll never be the mother of a daughter, alongside the joy of having two lovely sons - it’s a road not taken.) But DH was wobbly about DC2 and would rather give himself a vasectomy than go for a third.grin

grassisjeweled Sat 12-Dec-20 21:57:18

I can't do the nights again.

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