Unplanned pregnancy

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

Hello
I'm writing here to hopefully get some support off kind mumsnetters who have been in a similar situation and also a place to write down my feelings.
I'm 40. I found out last Thursday that I'm pregnant. I'm 5 Weeks approx so early I guess.
I have two older children! One adult and on a teenager.
This was me being lapse with emergency contraception thinking it would be ok because of my age. Took me ages to conceive with my second at 27 as well!
I've got over the shock now.
I've been in a relationship with someone for nearly two years. We have had a rocky road but things are really good. But we are no near the moving in stage or anything like that as we have taken things slow which suits me well. That saying I love this man to pieces and I'm pretty sure he loves me, (obviously he's told me but you get quite cautious at my age and past hurts).
So this is completely unplanned. I told him on Friday and I've never seen the wind taken out of someone like that.
He was so shocked. He made it clear that it was my decision and he would support me in anyway. He's been very loving and kind, he also made it very clear he doesn't want a baby and after really thinking I don't either. I don't want to start again, I've just got my freedom back - I know that sounds selfish but I mean i can now plan so many things with my children, not worry about childcare, look to saving more money in the future.
now I am able to work full time etc.
I don't feel any connection as yet but I've been taking folic acid just in case.
I rang bpas today and I have to wait another week for a phone consultation- I'm already getting symptoms.
I'm 99 percent sure I am going to terminate but I hate the fact I will
Always wonder. But really the timing isn't right.
Also cerments the fact that I won't ever be pregnant again-

I work with new born babies every day- this is so hard. I love babies and I'm a good mum. But I don't want a baby. It would literally mean starting again.
Or am I being selfish?
My head is a mess. I hope over the next week I find clarity.
I'm so scared of doing the procedure at home also I need it to fit around work! I can't have time off as I've already had time off lately and now being monitored for my attendance. Bullshit policy rules etc.
A hand hold would be nice.
Do u think if I took the tablets on a Friday morning - the second lot I would be ok to work on a Saturday night?
I'm so scared.
Thanks for anyone who will be kind enough to read this and reply.
What a shit show this year has been.
Thank you.

[ThistleWitch]

I dont know the answers, so here's a hand hold until until someone more grown up than me can get here

[Mel1917]

Hope you are OK. Sounds like you've had a difficult decision to make. I was very scared of the procedure but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as I had imagined. If I had of had to work the evening after the 2nd tablets I would of been able to - that being said I don't know what your job is and the bleeding is quite heavy (but manageable - put it this way its not as heavy as my period but more cosntant if that makes sense) hope you are OK. Handhold here too. I've just been through it the last few weeks and the procedure Thursday and Friday xx

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

Thank you so much.
I'm thinking my tablets will arrive by the Thursday and I've not got to work till the Saturday night.
I wish I didn't have to wait a week for a consultation...maybe they do it so u can think. What a nightmare. My heart goes out to all of you who have had to go through this.

[Mel1917]

That's what my partner said but I've known people to do the whole process in 5 days.. I had to wait 10 days and that hoenstly was the worst part. I took the 2nd pills 2.30pm and would recommend that timing so you can rest properly that night. X

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

Thanks I was shocked it's going to take a whole other week for a phone consultation. Prolonging it makes it so much harder!
I rang bpas but maybe I should try somewhere else?
However took so much just to call.

[Mel1917]

I'd stick with BPAS. Long story but circumstances meant I had to deal with both associations this occasion and BPAS are much nicer, more efficient and send you a proper booklet.. Codeine etc instead of paper just printed off and chucked in an envelope. Also it can all be done in one call as apposed to 3. I had to speak to a manager (not through my request) and she had no compassion at all. The wait is horrid though.

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

Thank you. I think I will wait now as it will only make a difference of a few days I guess and mentally it's too much. The lady on the phone was lovely. 1 week till phone consultation- I hope I don't start getting the sickness before.
So gutted! Feel so stupid.

[ThistleWitch]

don't feel stupid, things happen x

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

They do! It's hard being a woman.

[FTEngineerM]

I took second tab next day under docs supervision, pre covid, all ok. Very bad cramping for a day but I could have gone back to work two days later.

Take the time you need though, it’ll be worse mentally long term if you don’t deal with everything now.

[seriouslywtf7654332678990]

Thank you for replying, my
Heads a mess 😥

[Mel1917]

I felt exactly the same. You're not alone and you're certainly not stupid. X