Found out I'm pregnant, difficult situation unsure of what to do!

Yuccatree · 2019-10-15 15:40:44

Hi all, Really sorry for the long post I'm just in 2 minds at the minute regarding my current situation and I'm feeling pretty helpless and stupid. So 2 days ago I did a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Instantly I felt sick, and panicked as me and my partner have been having a really hard time lately. I actually decided I did not want to be with him anymore a few months ago after he developed feelings for somebody from work and was being totally horrid to me, belittling me, pretty much saying i was nothing compared to her and was ultimately just jealous of her. And said my lack of affection drove him to it, which I understand to a degree but I feel it really went too far and the only reason I was unaffectionate toward him was because I have been struggling with my confidence and feeling like things haven't been improving. He admitted that they had kissed, which was heart breaking for me. And a bunch of other stuff surrounding it happened. I had my son at 19, he's 3 years old now (only a few days ago infact) and although I would've welcomed a pregnancy half a year ago now is really not the right time for me, I've just started getting to grips with being able to live a little more independently from my son as he doesn't constantly need me to care for him. I still minimally breastfeed my son, he's extremely clingy and doesn't even sleep through at the moment as well as being very rebellious and lashes out at us very often. He's very sensitive and has big emotions. So it worries me to think of bringing another child into the mix as we struggle with him so much at the minute, I don't want him to feel jealous or like he is missing out either. I still don't want to be with my partner and feel incredibly stupid for letting this happen, I said we would not have sex again but we have a few times and admittedly all times I have not wanted to and wish I'd been firmer on my stance. Another aspect of this is that my partner recently lost his job, so we have no income at the minute aside from benefits. And also have no transport of our own and live rurally. Which makes the prospect of having another child even more daunting. I never thought I personally would consider a termination but it really feels like the worst time to have another child right now and I'm not sure I'd cope. While I have support from my family, I also know that they do not tolerate my partner and would not be able to accept if I decided to stay with him. My mother also thinks I would cope well, and would be able to do it alone. But I don't want to be a 23 year old single mother of two who has not accomplished any education or independance. I really think I'd be incredibly weak. While I feel incredibly guilty for not being happyabout this and I get so upset even thinking about terminating and I don't think I would be able to go through with it. To me even if I'm really early on, it still feels like a baby. My breasts have been sore, I've been tired, hormonal, emotional and can feel the presenceof a child. I can't ignore it, and the thought of a baby does please me but I don't know what to make of my mixed feelings. It really feels like the cons outweigh the pros but, I just don't think I will actually be able to do it either. In a selfish way it feels like I'd have to sacrifice myself and my happiness for another baby, which is not something I want either, for the babies sake. I am in a whirlwind right now and really stuck on what to do. I'm not sure how far along I am, I will be doing a clearblue test on Friday to gauge how far along I am and then I will decide to make any arrangements based on what we decide. I would really appreciate some advice if that's at all possible. Thank you for taking the time to read this I really appreciate it.

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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

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The OP's grateful for the advice and support given here but is anxious about this thread being on the site so we've agreed to take it down.