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This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

This topic is for sharing experiences of pregnancy choices; to debate the ethics of termination, visit our Politics or Chat forums.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Pregnancy choices

I'm pregnant.. help me please

21 replies

pleasehelp235 · 08/09/2019 18:58

Hi guys, I'm 22 and not in any position to have children. I have just began teacher training and have found out today I am pregnant. Obviously I do not know how far gone yet. I think I need to abort, I am so upset though. I'm just not ready for this. Can anyone please share their stories or give me information on how the abortion might make me feel etc? I'm in my first placement school this week and it's awful timing.. I'm sorry, I'm probably blabbing I just need a hand hold or some advice 😭

OP posts:

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Heartburn888 · 08/09/2019 19:04

Firstly here and here’s a hug too.

Only you can decide what is best for you. If it’s too soon for you then no one will judge you.

I have had a termination before, if you decide to go ahead you will need to ring your gp and they will refer you to the clinic and they will ask you when your last period was and give you a date to go see them where a scan will take place to ascertain how far you are. You will go back for a tablet a few days later which will end the pregnancy and a the day after that you will need to go back for some tablets inserted inside you which will help the pregnancy come away. I won’t go into details about what happens as I do not want to upset anyone but it’s not pleasant. But bearable. If you want to pm me you can.

But ultimately you need to decide what is best for you. Do you have a partner for support?

It is an awful position to be in when you aren’t expecting it as you feel guilt for choosing to end it but it is a massive thing having a baby.

Xxx

Hannah021 · 08/09/2019 19:05

Please go to your GP and get her advise, this is a very serious topic, and I'm really sorry you feel the way you do.

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 08/09/2019 19:11

Here's some hand holding too.

Go to your GP, try to stay calm and as @Heartburn 888, says its not pleasant but something you can get through.
If there are any trolls who just want join this thread, ignore them. It's your life and you sound very clear in what you want but do take time to think if your partner can support you. . PM me too if you want. Have been there too. X

DramaAlpaca · 08/09/2019 19:14

I'm sorry you've found yourself in a difficult situation & I hope things work out for you

You might want to ask MNHQ to move this to the Pregnancy Choices board as you'll get sensitive, helpful advice there. AIBU can be a bit of a bear pit.

LilyMumsnet · 08/09/2019 19:18

Hi OP,

We're sorry to hear you're in a difficult situation right now.

We're just going to move your thread over to pregnancy choices, as we think you'll get more advice and support over there.

Sleepyhead19 · 08/09/2019 19:19

I haven’t had one but I know they always offer counselling before so you are sure you are making the right decision. Only make that decision for you, nobody else.
Please don’t worry what people will think. I did that and am now in a huge depression expecting my exes baby when I shouldn’t have been able to get pregnant due to a condition. I can’t stop crying and am terrified but it’s too late to go back and get one now. I’d never want anyone else to feel this way.
I’m having a baby I’m scared I won’t care for because of what the dad put me through and then I feel such guilt for feeling that way and it’s crushing me. I’ve nobody to turn to and the dad is impossible to talk to, unless you’re his mate.
Really think it through. Good luck xx

DungeonDweller · 08/09/2019 19:20

This isn't the right sub forum, but you should take some time to consider what option you'd like to explore, and know there is support out there for whatever you decide is best here.

On a purely practical note, my local hospital does a self refer quick route option for terminations because I've seen posters in the GP waiting area (i.e. if you don't wish for counselling and know what you want to do, you can get access to appointments by calling their clinical appointment line and "skipping" the need/extra delay of having to see a local GP first. Just something to look at if your local hospital offers something similar.)

Littletabbyocelot · 08/09/2019 19:44

You can ring one of the big termination providers (BPAS, Marie Stopes) and they will tell you what your local area commissions. In a lot of places you can book directly with a specific provider without going through your GP. You can change your mind and you can access counselling to help you work through how you feel, come to the right decision for you and process your feelings if you go ahead.

Boo29 · 08/09/2019 23:44

I was in the same position with my first baby just over 4 years ago, i was so worried i wouldnt love him like i should or i would just think of all the bad things his dad did to me looking at the baby..... but the moment he was born he was put on me everything went away all the worry, stress and question i was asking myself was gone and nothing but love and happiness come and stayed. I dont look at him and see all the bad i look at him and see all the love and joy he brings to me every day... its hard but try and not worry about how you might feel. Maybe go doctors and ask for help i did and just having weekly talking with mh team at the end of my pregnancy till he was 1 help me so much.

Boo29 · 08/09/2019 23:46

I was in the same position with my first baby just over 4 years ago, i was so worried i wouldnt love him like i should or i would just think of all the bad things his dad did to me looking at the baby..... but the moment he was born he was put on me everything went away all the worry, stress and question i was asking myself was gone and nothing but love and happiness come and stayed. I dont look at him and see all the bad i look at him and see all the love and joy he brings to me every day... its hard but try and not worry about how you might feel. Maybe go doctors and ask for help i did and just having weekly talking with mh team at the end of my pregnancy till he was 1 help me so much.

june2007 · 09/09/2019 00:04

Netmumsis full of abortion regretters and abortion fails. Not saying that it won't be the right deision for you but def make sure it is. Bear in mind this may be your only opportunity to be a mum. But if your not with baby's dad then an abortion might wellbe the right decision and sooner the better realy.

DungeonDweller · 09/09/2019 11:46

@june2007 I don't think that's helpful at all. The forum is also full of people who have had safe, painless abortions in situations where it was the right choice for them, with no regrets. I also don't think whether she is with the dad should have a key bearing upon her decision here, unless that's important to her - none of us is in the op's situation so we cannot possibly say!

SewingWarriorQueen76 · 09/09/2019 15:31

@DungeonDweller, well said.
Mine was years ago, I don't regret it, ever because when I, yes, me, I was ready to be a Mum I could be.
I would hazard that I wouldn't have achieved what I have without it.
Modern medicine is wonderful it gives you options.
OP take time to think what's best for you.

Littletabbyocelot · 10/09/2019 10:16

June2007, do you know how many 1000s of women have a termination each month? Like any major life decision, of course some people have regrets. A decision to have a termination is more difficult than most because there is no perfect solution - it's a choice you didn't want to have to make in the first place. But just because there are vocal people who regret it, does not mean that's a likely outcome. Like anything else on the Internet, you hear from those with strong feelings and extreme experiences. People don't post to say 'I had a termination 5 years ago, I occasionally feel a little wistful about what could have been but mostly I am happy with how my life turned out and don't think about it. AIBU?'

I had a miscarriage at 19. Had I not, I would have had a termination. Despite later spending 6 years thinking I would be unable to have children (I had successful experimental treatment in my 30s) I never regretted that pregnancy. I wasn't ready emotionally, in terms of my relationship (6 months and I doubt we'd still be together 20 years later if we'd become parents then), in my career or financially. I have several friends who have had terminations and they feel a similar way.

angstridden2 · 10/09/2019 10:24

Agree with other posters, go to Marie Stopes or other neutral advisory service and talk it through with someone impartial to decide what is right for you. Abortion is not an easy decision but sometimes it is the right one at the time. Most people put it behind them albeit remembering it sadly at times, it is usually not their only chance to have children. That is a very emotive statement and not kind to someone is a difficult situation.

Alarae · 10/09/2019 14:51

OP, I've been in your shoes.

I was 23 when I fell pregnant, and I was immature, financially unstable and not ready in any way to have a child. Continuing that pregnancy would have put a stop to my career for a number of years and stunted my development. I was in a stable relationship at the time, but it wasn't the time.

Not once I have regretted that abortion. I wasn't ready and I couldn't provide for that child the way I would have wanted to.

Now, at 26, I am pregnant with a much loved and wanted child. I am in the same relationship (married now), we have a house and I have finished all my qualifications so I have something to 'fall back on' if I needed to take an extended leave for any reason.

While I am sure there are many people who regret their abortions, there are also many out there who do not. I have never looked back at that time and considered 'what if'. It was the best thing to do for me and that's all the justification I need to know I did the right thing.

DungeonDweller · 10/09/2019 16:29

Alarae, thank you for sharing your story. It's important we balance out posts like Jane's because we need to ensure a full spectrum of experiences are heard if advising people in similar positions.

Op, best of luck to you with whatever you decide to do here.

pleasehelp235 · 16/09/2019 20:00

Hey guys.. I have my second appointment tomorrow where I'll find out how far gone I am. Thanks for all your support... nervous for tomorrow xx

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 16/09/2019 23:11

Handhold for tomorrow OP.

r101 · 18/09/2019 15:09

Hello lovely
So sad your feeling like this but I fell pregnant at 19 and literally was so depressed. I chose to go ahead with the pregnancy and honestly it was the best decision! Do you have support from the dad or your family? So you can continue your course? All the best xxx

Rachelover60 · 18/09/2019 15:23

I had one at 21. Never regretted it, it was the right thing to do at the time. Of course I wished I hadn't become pregnant in the first place.

All the very best to you - please have no more accidents. There's plenty of time for you to have a baby.

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