Termination due to antenatal depression

[Aimee3]

Hello,
I am looking for anyone who has ever had a termination of pregnancy due to overwhelming antenatal depression or anxiety?
If so how have you come through this?
Thanks,
Aimee

[Aimee3]

If anyone is in the Oxfordshire area and this has happened to them I would be so grateful to know if there are any support groups out there for this sort of thing?

Aimee

[acd2019]

Hey Aimee,

Not sure if that’s your real name but my name is also Aimee spelt the same way so hi 👋🏼

I had a termination last month due to antenatal depression :( It’s been hard feeling like my own body and mind has failed me when it was something I wanted but my depression got so bad I started getting suicidal thoughts so I knew I couldn’t continue. It’s the feeling once the hormones fade and all the depression and anxiety disappears that’s the hardest as now I feel fine and wish I was pregnant again it’s like a cruel trick and so heartbreaking! I haven’t yet had any therapy although I’ve found someone close to me (I live in North London) so I’m hoping that will help me a little and I’m also going to work on balancing my hormones naturally and I’ve ordered a monthly hormone panel test to see which hormones are high / low as it 100000% is from hormones as I also suffer with terrible PMS/PMDD so being pregnant made these symptoms so much worse with no end in sight. Feel free to PM me if you like and also ask for this post to be moved to pregnancy choices as you will get better responses. :)

[Aimee3]

Hi Aimee,

Thanks for your post and sorry to hear you have been through this as well, it is heart breaking isn't it.
I really felt like a totally different person when I was pregnant to how I felt after my termination.
I found it very scary how it could make me feel.
I also suffer very badly with PMS so am sure it was my hormones.
I feel there is not enough support for antenatal depression out there.

Aimee xx

[AnyaMumsnet]

Hi there all,

We've moved this to Pregnancy Choices for the OP

[Aimee3]

Thank you Anya.

I hope by moving my post it reaches out to other women who have had similar experiences to mine, as I feel it would help to talk.
I already have a five year old son and tried for a very long time to get pregnant again, I wasn't ovulating so I was prescribed Clomid to help me. After 3 cycles the Clomid worked but it was then that I experienced a terrible depression coupled with anxiety.
This lasted for nine weeks before I couldn't take it any longer and terminated my much wanted second pregnancy!
Looking back I can't actually believe it happened, it all feels like a terrible dream to be honest and if I could turn back the clock I would have tried harder to get through it.
Anyone with similar experiences please feel free to share them.
Aimee xx

[Wheretoturnnext]

Hi OP. I was in the same position a year ago. Unexpected pregnancy, DH and I in the early stages of discussing whether we wanted a second (have a DD) but really weren't sure. The second I found out I was pregnant it was like flicking a switch, my mental health collapsed and rapidly got worse. I was terrified, didn't know what was going on. I just started to shut down and wasn't functioning at all, really wasn't there for my DD. Just couldn't see how I could carry on like that with a pregnancy I had no positive feelings about and that seemed to be destroying me. I went to see my GP who didn't offer any useful advice (told me to talk to my mum??) and never mentioned antenatal depression. I'd never heard of it at the time and agree there isn't enough information out there about it. I had some counselling afterwards, not because I regretted it, I didn't feel there was any other option, but to try and understand what on earth happened to me. That's when I learned about antenatal depression, and counselling did help me to realise that I cannot look back now with a rational mind to something that wasn't rational at the time. I was unwell.

I have gradually got back to normal and now focus on being healthy and enjoying what I have, it has taught me too look after myself more. I'm ok most of the time, but did post a couple of weeks ago when I had a real wobble after DD made a comment about wanting a sister. Just made me really sad. Also said then that I feel the decision about having a second has been taken away from me now, by this thing that just took over and had control of me. Don't feel I have any right to even consider a second now.

[Jenniferyellowcat]

You aren’t alone OP. It’s hard to describe how awful you can feel when pregnancy hormones and anxiety take over. I would talk to your GP about your experience, and what you can do in future, assuming you at some point still want to have a baby. I am really sorry you went through this but antenatal depression is unpredictable and very hard to spot while going through it. Have you spoke to the free counsellor at your abortion provider?

[Jenniferyellowcat]

whereto of course you have a right to think of a second baby, if that’s what you eventually decide you want. Antenatal depression is so poorly understood and there isn’t much support. So many women feel lonely and bewildered in early pregnancy and an unexpected pregnancy is especially confusing

[Swearwolf]

Where in Oxfordshire are you? I never got proper support but have been there, anxiety got the best of me following a miscarriage and I think it was all hormonal but it made my subsequent pregnancy very hard. I'm in Oxfordshire too if you want to pm me.

[Aimee3]

It's so helpful to me to hear that other women have gone through the same experience because when it happens to you you feel like a failure and the worst person in the world.

whereto - I can really relate to your comments, when my son asks about a brother or sister it really makes me sad, that I deprived him of that. But I am clinging to the hope that one day I can try again and will add to my family. You have every right to have a second baby, I am saying to myself I will NOT let depression and anxiety take over my life and stop me from doing what I want to do.

Antenatal depression should definitely be more highlighted.

[Wheretoturnnext]

Thanks Aimee3 for starting this thread, I've felt so alone and like the only one affected by this. It does help to know I'm not. I really admire your approach and determination not to let this overcome you. I don't feel that brave, and am terrified about the thought of another pregnancy. I just couldn't put my family through it again. I am 40 now so trying to just accept the situation and that I need to move on.

Jennifer, bewildered is definitely the right word, that's exactly how I felt. And still do looking back and not understanding what happened to me.

[PetrichorRain]

I had overwhelming antenatal depression and I did consider termination, even though my pregnancy was much wanted. Didn’t do it though, and despite also suffering from postnatal depression quite badly, I’m very glad that I now have four year old DS. A friend had a still birth the week before DS was born and I do remember, when I was very sleep deprived and blue in the first few weeks, feeling jealous of her. I’m very ashamed to admit that. I’m scared to have another in case I feel that way again. I’m also in Oxfordshire.

(I’ve namechanged for this).

[PetrichorRain]

Sorry, I feel terrible that I didn’t read your OP properly, I thought you were considering it. I’m not ovulating and am hoping to have clomid, but still scared of the depression.

[Aimee3]

Whereto - I am also 40 this year and always imagined I would have at least two children by the time I did reach this age.
But then I know lots of women now have children in their forties so I am telling myself age is just a number.
We are all survivors and I am proud to be a part of this chat xx

[Aimee3]

PetrichorRain - You are a very brave lady, well done to you for getting through it even though I know it must have been so hard. I'm sure your son makes up for it every day.
I also had bad PND with my first child, so was not expecting to sail through having another baby, but what I didn't expect was to have depression whilst being pregnant, it's so unfair!
Don't ever feel ashamed of the feelings you experienced, we should not be ashamed to admit how we feel, it is a strength not a weakness xx

[Liv234]

@Aimee3 I’m currently going through this and struggling to make a decision. Feel free not answer this if it’s too personal but do you feel you made the right decision? Or have you come to terms with the decision? Also feel free to PM if you’d rather.

[Aimee3]

Liv234 - I am sorry to hear you are going through this. It is awful. Have you been to see your gp to tell them how you feel? My gp was actually very helpful to me at the time.
You can also contact your local midwife service as they may be of some help too.
When I was going through it at the time the only way I could see out of the situation was to terminate but once it was all over I regretted it, I know how strong the depression and anxiety can get so try to hang in there if you can and talk to someone.
I of course can't tell you which way to go but just know that whatever decision you make you always made the right decision for you at the time, you will not be judged.
I am always here if you want to chat further. Xxx

[PetrichorRain]

Thanks Aimee3. I've never admittred that to anyone before.

Do you think you'll try again? It's so weird how you can look back afterwards and part of you think "It wasn't so bad, it wasn't forever, what was I thinking?" while the other part of you is petrified of going back into the dark.

[Aimee3]

PetrichorRain - Yes I really hope so as I feel like something is missing now, it's very strange.
I too think what was i thinking but mentally i just wasn't myself. When I had the termination it was like the old me returned straight away, sometimes it feels like a bad dream.
I am also petrified of going back to that place but whose to say you would xxx

[Aimee3]

Hello All,
Feeling pretty down at the moment, constantly feel guilty for the choice that I made. Trying to get my head round it is so hard sometimes, when I think I could have been off with my new baby in the summer it's hard to deal with. I also feel really angry with myself that I had to make that decision and didn't give my baby a chance.
Mental health issues are so horrible, I never thought I would have to suffer this way.
Just looking for some support and how other people have gone on to forgive themselves for this.
Aimee xxx

[rexxx]

Hi @Aimee3,
I know exactly how you feel. I had one 5 years ago, I had a 1 year old already and was in a really bad place physically and mentally. I didn't feel like I had any other option. If you don't mind me asking, when did you have yours?
I keep reminding myself that who I was then was a different person, I didn't know how I was going to feel after what I did. I can't look back at myself and be angry or resentful because I made a decision that I thought was best for me and my daughter at the time. I don't hugely regret it but I do feel an ache in my heart. It's something we just have to learn to live with and learn from. I have gained so much strength from the choice I made, and I'm really trying to build a good life for myself and my family - that's what I focus on everyday and it keeps me going. It's helped me a lot to stay busy and do positive things in my life. Is there a way we can private message do you know?
If you're up for that I would really like to have someone to talk to as well xx

[rexxx]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Please don't bottle it all up, I'm glad you've posted on here. Holding it back can be really harmful to you longterm. I am thinking of you. You're a good person and all you did was make a choice in your life xx

[smiftersgirl]

Hi I’m currently going through the same situation i found out two weeks ago and went to the termination clinic but they couldn’t see anything. I’m due back next week. But my anxiety from the moment I sat the positive lines have gone through the roof as well as depression. I had a hard time having my DD 9 years ago now. I had pre eclampsia. My mental state did suffer after that. I take citalopram now 40mg (I don’t know if you ladies have heard of it) I’ve also had to rely on some diazepam since I found out. My head is full of what ifs.

[Islaofsilly]

My head is full of what ifs

I can really relate to that. My anxiety went through the roof when I found out. I freaked out about normal things and panicked. For instance on one day I thought my son was dying of sepsis, which was on reflection quite an extreme reaction to him having a bad virus! I just couldn’t think of or concentrate on anything else. I was also quite depressed and spent a lot of time in bed.

I am now also in a state of regret and sadness despite knowing it was the right decision for my family. My overriding feeling at the time was that I need to be a mentally present mother for my existing children. But I am now questioning if I did the right thing. It’s hard.

[smiftersgirl]

It is very hard. Do any of you suffer from generalised anxiety