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Considering abortion, advice please

(9 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Apollos1 Tue 26-Mar-19 20:35:00

I’ve been to clinic today to discuss having an abortion. The father (ex boyfriend) really wants me to go through with an abortion, even though he won’t be around (he’s moving to the U.S.
I’m currently 15weeks and up until a week ago I was adamant I was keeping the baby until he started pressurising me. He’s now put a lot of doubt in my mind that I can do this alone.
I don’t have my own home and I don’t have a big family so I know these are hurdles...but deep down I really don’t want an abortion.
Does anyone have any advice?

Amy326 Tue 26-Mar-19 20:37:18

It has to be your decision, the baby’s father shouldn’t be pressuring you in any way and if I were you I’d cut contact with him at the moment so that you can think for yourself without his input. This won’t affect him, you are the one who has to face the consequences either way. Go with your gut.

LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Tue 26-Mar-19 20:41:00

We're just moving this over to pregnancy choices for you, OP. flowers

autumnleaves25 Wed 27-Mar-19 10:47:22

Hi, OP, I know not everyone is scarred for life after an abortion, but if you don't want to do it - don't, because you will regret it, I should know. However, only you know your situation, don't think about what the father said, it only matters what you think. I'm a strong believer that a father should have a say, but not when he won't have to do anything with the baby. You mention you don't have a big family, do you have any support, OP? If you really think you won't be able to cope alone, then I'd sort some counselling before you go through with a termination, should you choose to do so. Best of luck flowers

Petitprince Wed 27-Mar-19 13:06:09

He is thinking of himself, not you or the baby. He is trying to wriggle out of any responsibility and pushing you to make the best decision for him. You can absolutely do this on your own. My mum did, and I'm so grateful she did.

Marlena1 Wed 27-Mar-19 14:16:41

I totally agree that it's not up to him. He should have been more careful if he really didn't want this.

mcjx Wed 27-Mar-19 14:56:21

Please please do not let him pressure you into anything. It has to be entirely your decision.

I had an abortion 3 years ago, I didn't really want to do but I knew deep down in my heart the time wasn't right and my boyfriend at the time was adamant that I wasn't to keep it.

Although I knew having a baby would be a struggle, there was a part of me that would have done anything I could to make it work.

It's a decision I regret terribly and it took me a long, long time to get over it. It led to me having depression and feeling very suicidal with feelings of guilt.

Don't be rushed into anything OP thanks

Apollos1 Wed 27-Mar-19 15:21:34

Thanks for all your advice! It should be a time to celebrate, not having these thoughts ☹️😢

EEELA Wed 27-Mar-19 18:18:20

Op, please don't get an abortion unless you are 100% certain. There is an active thread at the moment of people talking about the fact that there is never a "right time", have a read of that if you like. Do not allow yourself to be pressured into anything you don't want.

I had a termination 5 years ago, it was the right choice for me and I only slightly wavered on the decision, but it is sometimes still difficult to process. I can't imagine how hard it would be if I hadn't been so sure of what I wanted.

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