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Should I get an abortion?

(10 Posts)
sweethoney111 Sat 23-Mar-19 17:40:38

Sorry this is so long! I am almost 11 weeks pregnant but considering getting an abortion (have appointment booked for surgical on Wednesday)

I'm 28 with no children and fell pregnant with an ex who has just got out of prison for selling drugs, and is now selling drugs again! He cheated on me countless times, comes from a terrible family and definitely isn't the man I wanted to start a family with or be tied to for life! I have thyriod problems and after having a miscarriage 4 years ago wasn't sure if I'd be able to get pregnant again easily.

I've told all my family and friends that I'm pregnant and although friends have advised to not have this mans baby my family are excited although concerned about who the dad is. I think I'm dealing with depression right now as all I do is cry and have zero motivation other than to stay in bed all day feel sick and exhausted. I have debts that I've been ignoring that are now really causing me great stress, no savings and I run a small business from home (which I'm struggling with as feeling so bad).

I never thought I would considering having an abortion after my miscarriage (took years for me to get over) but I'm just not sure if I can have this baby being a single mum, with such a terrible role model as a father and with my own health (and now mental health) issues, plus financial issues. I know family and friends will be supportive either way and my mum lives close by so would help with the baby but I'm not excited at all and I feel terrified about my future now.

He wants to me keep the baby (I think more to then be tied to me and not that I even care about his opinion in the matter) but how on earth can I bring a baby into this mess. There is a high chance he will end up back in prison and I just don't think I can cope with damaging a child and myself with all this. I couldn't hide it from him because he would find out so it's either I have the baby and have to deal with his bs for life or get an abortion. 11 weeks is already later than I personally feel comfortable with and I really don’t want to leave it any longer.

What would you do in my situation? Honest answers please

habibihabibi Sat 23-Mar-19 17:55:38

Only you can really decide but I found having a baby in a stable loving relationship without any financial constraints, challenging. I couldn't imagine doing it with all your obstacles.

MoseShrute Sat 23-Mar-19 17:59:29

Do you want an honest opinion? You dont sound in a great place....l would have an abortion if l were you. Its a complete myth that all women are scarred for life from it....lors of women just feel relief and move on with their lives

Motherofcreek Sat 23-Mar-19 18:03:52

Only you can decide what right for you.

If I was in your position I’d have a termination and tell family I lost it.

Dd1 dad has been in prison in and out for most of her life. She is 23 now. Guns and drugs. He is back in there and may not get released this time for a very long time. She refuses to see him now.

sweethoney111 Sat 23-Mar-19 21:23:42

I really appreciate the replies, thank you. I know I cannot have a baby with this man and in my situation sad I’m just frustrated with myself that this has happened and that I’ve taken so long to decide.

I’m really worried that this will also take me years to get over like the miscarriage, I couldn’t walk down a baby isle in the supermarket a good year or so without crying! Deep down I don’t want to have an abortion but I don’t see any joy in this and I know will be a very hard long road and never wanted to raise in baby in these circumstances.

I’m also worried about my future fertility after having an abortion and with my thyriod and my age what if this is my last chance sad

FermatsTheorem Sat 23-Mar-19 21:28:15

In your position, I would abort. Otherwise you'll be tied to this complete loser for life - he will always have a lever to draw you into his chaotic, criminal lifestyle and cause you misery.

If you suddenly realise you are dead set on having the baby, move to the other end of the country and cut all ties.

FermatsTheorem Sat 23-Mar-19 21:29:35

PS 28 means you are still really young! And thyroid problems can be controlled with drugs (as I know - been there, done that, got the t-shirt, subsequently had a healthy pregnancy and baby).

Motherofcreek Sat 23-Mar-19 21:32:33

sweet after your last post I think you really need to think hard about what to do. Lots of women don’t regret it but it sounds like you already think you will do.

Could you not just move away from him?

fruitbrewhaha Sat 23-Mar-19 22:10:46

I wouldn't in those circumstances. You are really looking at a very difficult and complicated future.

You presumably have got pregnant quite easily. I'm guessing our weren't trying to get pregnant.

Perhaps your depression is clouding things for you. It does make you feel like there is no future. Is thee someone you can talk it through with? talk to a councillor?

You are only 28, there is still plenty of time to met someone and have children in a loving relationship.

Angelinthenightx Thu 28-Mar-19 18:06:21

Hey how are u?what did u end up doing? If u went through with it,how did it go? Hope that your ok whatever choice u made xx

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