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11 week abortion booked!

(22 Posts)
jenny8916652 Wed 06-Mar-19 15:51:27

I am booked in for a surgical abortion this Friday and I’ve been going back and forth in my mind for weeks now and feel like I’ll still be doing the same the second until the procedure.

I’m 28 and I fell pregnant with an ex who I stupidly had a fling with who is 37 with no real job, lives at his mums and who was emotionally abusive to me when we was together previously. He is very emotionally unavailable and hasn’t said much or put much input into the whole thing he said he wants me to keep the baby but has offered me zero emotional support whilst I’m just an emotional wreck! I feel I cannot be tied to this man for life or raise a child with a man who I cannot communicate with and will make my life very difficult! I feel like my life is crumbling around me, I’ve been depressed and having suicidal panic attacks and can not focus on work / life and feel like everything is just a mess! I just sit in bed and cry all day!

The hardest part is I initially told my family that I’m pregnant and everyone was really excited and I feel terrible making this decision now that everyone knows. At first I thought I would be able to handle it and cope with being a single mum and having to deal with my ex but now I really feel like this isn’t the life I would choose for myself (I was raised by a single mum and this is the one thing I’ve wabted to avoid for my own life) I have my own health issues / finances issues and I’m not sure I’ll cope emotionally as I can often get very depressed and don’t really manage my own life very well let alone a little life depending on me. I feel so bad on my mum as I know she would love to be a nan she has been very supportive and said she will support me whatever I choose but then still says how upset she is with my choice.

I feel terrible having an abortion so late I’ll be 11 week 3 days on Friday and I wish I had made the decision sooner but even now I’m still not 100% sure sad I’m scared I will regret my decision and feel guilty after! For while I’ve been getting broody to have a baby (once I met someone) but never wanted it to happen in this situation! Any advise?

flowercrown Wed 06-Mar-19 16:31:36

Hi OP, you have nothing to feel guilty about whatever you decide to choose because as you said, this is your life. If this isn't how you imagined or wanted to have a baby, then that's fine. You have your own reasons for making this decision and you have to do what is right for you. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself and focus on what you want in your heart. I wish you all the best thanks

flowercrown Wed 06-Mar-19 16:35:16

Also, do you think there's any way you could give yourself some more time to think it over? I know you said you feel it's already late but giving yourself some more time may help you come to a more definite decision x

spaniorita Wed 06-Mar-19 17:14:16

I'm going to say it, if you're not 100% certain that you are making the right decision, don't go through with it until you know you won't regret it. Im saying that with kindness and from personal experience. Ex doesn't have to be involved, especially if your family is excited and around to help out.

jenny8916652 Wed 06-Mar-19 17:45:23

Thank you for the replies smile it’s really helped. I would say I’m 90% sure of my decision. I had some bleeding at 8 weeks and was sure it was a miscarriage but the scan showed that everything was fine and I was deverstated and started crying sad I felt so terrible feeling this way and like such a bad person but I was so releaved when I thought that decision had been taken out of my hands. If I could magic it away like it never happened then I would as this whole thing has been so traumatic but I know I’ll have to live with it after and everyone knowing what I’ve done even if I do think it was the right choice and that’s what scares me.

spaniorita Wed 06-Mar-19 18:03:10

It's a massive decision. I'm sorry you're in the position you're in. Please make sure you're 100% even if as a pp has suggested, that means you need a little more time. L

flowercrown Thu 07-Mar-19 15:07:59

How are you feeling today OP?

jenny8916652 Thu 07-Mar-19 17:41:55

Thank you for checking up on me flowercrown smile After a lot of soul searching last night and today I really do feel this is the best option for me and my life at the moment. I am still scared of how I’m going to feel after but I think the main thing holding me back is that my family know if I had only told friends I would feel a lot more settled in this decision I feel like this choice is going to hurt my family and also feel ashamed of the decision with people knowing.

stayathomer Thu 07-Mar-19 17:45:11

flowers OP

O4FS Thu 07-Mar-19 17:52:29

Jenny - no one else has to live with this decision, which is why it must be the right one for you.

It is hard, no one does it lightly.

Take care of yourself and good luck

flowercrown Thu 07-Mar-19 18:44:35

I'm glad you feel more at peace with your decision. It doesn't matter others think, as it's your life and your decision to make. I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow, I will be thinking of you thanks

flowercrown Thu 07-Mar-19 18:47:21

Forgot to add, if it's what you want for yourself then your family will understand and support that. Try not to delve too much into how others will feel but how you will feel. It's all up to you and no one should shed judgement x

Perch Thu 07-Mar-19 18:48:17

You don’t have to tell them you’re having an abortion, you can just say you’ve had a miscarriage. Sorry you’re going through this xxx

flowercrown Thu 07-Mar-19 18:50:37

Yes I agree with PP, it's up to you what you tell them. It's a very private thing and you don't have to tell anyone anything that you don't want to xx

flowercrown Fri 08-Mar-19 10:42:28

Good luck Jenny, sending hugs. Please let us know how you get on if you can xx

spaniorita Fri 08-Mar-19 19:36:35

Hi OP, just checking in to ask if you are alright. thanks

jenny8916652 Fri 08-Mar-19 22:54:04

Thank you again for checking up on me smile I had the procedure today and feel very sad but still feel it was the right choice for me. I had a complete melt down when I first went into the procedure room and had to go back out to get my head together for a while. The nurses were lovely and told me I still had time to decide and could go home if I wasn’t ready or sure of my choice but even though it was scary I knew if I left I would just be going home to the same feelings and indecision as before and have to go through the whole day again. I’m really not sure how I’m going to feel in a few days time once the shock wears off but I just need to remember it was the right choice at this time. My heart really goes out to anyone struggling with this decision sad It really was the hardest decision of my life and I think ultimately no one wants to go through this and it’s very hard on us women. But thank you all for your support flowers

flowercrown Sat 09-Mar-19 20:40:21

Hello Jenny, I'm glad you still feel it was the right decision for you. From what you described it was a very hard decision but would have been hard either way. I hope you're feeling ok today? I also hope you have a smooth and speedy recovery. I have been thinking of you, thank you for updating us. I agree, it really is one of the worst things to go through and very painful in every aspect. But may this experience only make you stronger. Take really good care of yourself xx

Mum2jenny Sun 10-Mar-19 20:27:00

Glad you did what you felt was necessary. Remember we do not know ever what will happen in the future, but you made your decision based on the current situation. Wishing you happiness in the future flowerswine

jenny8916652 Mon 11-Mar-19 00:09:03

Thank you smile I am extremely heart broken by the whole thing and although given the chance to go back I would still make the same decision based on the circumstances and my mental state it really does hurt so bad and doesn’t make it any less painful! I just hope one day I can forgive myself and heal. flowers

O4FS Mon 11-Mar-19 09:59:26

You will heal. It takes time but it eases.

I wouldn’t have the life I have now if I hadn’t done the same 20 years ago. I still think about it occasionally, still have a pang if guilt and ‘what ifs’.

Give yourself time, be kind to yourself. flowers

flowercrown Mon 11-Mar-19 12:27:51

Jenny, I think you've been really brave and very strong given your personal circumstances. You definitely deserve to heal from this and we can only grow from our experiences in life. I hope you're feeling well physically and emotionally I hope it doesn't take long for you to feel more at peace. Please don't feel guilty, remember you did what you thought was right and it's good to hear you still stand by that. Thank you so much for sharing your journey with us x

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