Pregnant, worried and thank info muy abortion

Hi
First I need to tell about my story with pregnancy. I had a miscarriage and I suffered a lot. Then my second pregnancy was high risk, horrible because I had trombophilia and needed twice a day injections in my belly to avoid blood clots. Every day was a torture and I was not sure if my baby will survive. Had an scare of pre term labor and at the end had an emergency c section because of fetal suffer. I almost die, had problemas with anesthesia and my heart during the c section. Secretely I wanted another baby but I know the risk and toll for my body is awful and the baby and myself could die. My daughter asks for a sister, she is 4 years old. Now because the pill failed I am pregnant and I realize I can’t handle another pregnancy suffering every day hoping the baby is alive and hasn’t die, taking medicines, injections, etc. Last time I also hay post partum depression. I can’t go through this again. I am 38 and don’t want the chance of dying and leaving my daughter. Never thought to consider abortion, because all the suffer I had with my miscarriage and here I am hoping to have a miscarriage or an abortion. Anyone understand this? I am 6 weeks and I had been crying every day since I found out. Still hasn’t tell my husband because we also had money problems and I lost my job a couple of months ago.