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How do I know?

(3 Posts)
toomuchfornow Wed 16-Jan-19 22:20:25

Hi,
I am about 8 ish weeks pregnant with number 4 and I really don't want to be. My youngest is only 11 months and I had a horrific pregnancy with her. My body just doesn't feel ready to be pregnant again. I don't hate the idea of another baby but I do really hate the idea of another pregnancy.
I had a termination 18 years ago when I was just 16. It's stayed with me ever since and effected me emotionally even though I don't regret that choice. I really don't know what to do. I keep secretly hoping I will MC which I know is an absolutely awful thing to even think, and has someone who has been through that I hate myself for hoping for it.
I'm really scared that if I have another termination emotionally it will be worse this time. At 16 it made sense due to the circumstances. 18 years later I have a husband and three wonderful children and it feels completely selfish and an awful choice, but I don't think my body can handle another pregnancy so soon, especially with a young baby too.

To make it worse I am also a Christian now and the guilt is unreal. I am most definitely pro choice but hate the idea of what an abortion really is.

I don't really remember much about my termination. I think I've blocked it out and just went through the motions.

How can I decide if I should go through with the pregnancy or stop it? I need to be 100% sure either way and every day I keep going backwards and forwards.
I know when the baby arrived I would love it with all my heart, & I would be so thankful I didn't have a termination. However practically it's the worst time to introduce another baby into our family and as I've said I just can't face the pregnancy.

Sorry I'm completely rambling here aren't I.

Just wish I didn't have to make the horrible choice

LauraBrown1 Fri 18-Jan-19 21:04:18

@toomuchfornow ahh bless you. I feel as if in a way you need someone to talk to when you're stuck in a situation like that.
I personally think if you're not ready then you're not ready. If you have this child and it's not wanted, are you going to give it the best in life, are you yourself going to happy and not spill into depression.
I have a TOP 2 years ago and my reason was that I was just shocked and worried I was too young and not ready!
However my circumstances were that I'd been with my boyfriend or 7 years at the time and on the day I found out- we had just got our first home together. Really it would of been a perfect time! 🤷🏼‍♀️
Now I'm currently 11 weeks with our first and I feel happy and more ready to become a mum.
It's what you feel is going to be the best option really. I hope you're going to be okay OP x

cuckoowith2 Thu 24-Jan-19 05:30:11

I'm in the same boat! I just found out I'm expecting my 4th yesterday, completely unplanned and I'm terrified! How are you doing now?

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