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Why did I do it?

(3 Posts)
Justme91980 Mon 14-Jan-19 13:21:30

I have 2 beautiful dd's and have been married for 7 years. November I realised I was pg with number 3, my initial feeling was worry as my youngest child has a disability and I knew my husband didn't want another child. I was too scared to tell my dh so sent him a message, he then didn't talk about it for a week as he was in shock. I came around to to the idea of number 3. He asked what I think we should do, his stance was we couldn't cope, even though my youngest starts school in september. I just wanted normality with xmas coning so booked an abortion, I went through with the abortion when I was 6 weeks and the whole day I wasn't at all emotional, I have been fine up until now, I would be 13 weeks. My 6 year old has even said she would like a baby sister/ brother. I am very emotional and realised it was a huge mistake, all I want is my baby back 😥 I feel so guilty and now completely think we could cope and most of the reasons were silly practical reasons like car size etc and double prams although my disabled child has come on so much she hardly uses prams . I also feel resent towards my dh, he didn't make me feel like I had a choice and has easily moved on from it without a second thought. Will it get any easier? Is it normal to want another baby?

Syslik Mon 14-Jan-19 16:15:41

I am sorry you had to go through the difficult decision, your feelings are perfectly understandable.Maybe look into some counselling to help you get through it.
Also if you scroll down there is another thread with similar question about trying for another baby after termination.
Hope it gets easier for you soon x

mrsgumpy Tue 15-Jan-19 07:48:03

Hi justme, I wanted to let you know that I have gone through exactly the same thing. I could have written your post. I terminated when the baby was 14 weeks (I had already seen two scans!) and was completely devastated. My DH didn't want another child and made life hell for me so I felt I had no choice (even though I had gone for two termination appointments already and walked out). The month after the termination were really difficult but I cried my soul out, lay in bed for days, wrote a diary, attended intensive counselling, and told my husband all what I was thinking (and he just took it on the chin). So after one month, my cycle came back (pregnancy hormones had gone) and I felt a lot better. I still feel sad off and on and wish I can kept the baby but I don't feel crippled with grief.
I wonder if you haven't let yourself properly feel the grief and communicate with your husband? I told mine everything I was feeling (including counselling sessions) and said it broke my heart that he could have just moved on and be happy. Once I knew he had properly heard me and understood, I felt less alone and could move forward. I now am trying to focus on my two child and my marriage - the very reasons I had the termination in the first place.
I recommend a counsellor who specialised in post-abortion counselling.
Sending lots of love and thoughts. I know what hell it is.

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