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TFMR at 21 weeks - surgical or medical?

(5 Posts)
peamad Wed 02-Jan-19 09:57:42

My husband and I have made the heartbreaking decision to terminate my pregnancy due to multiple major heart defects and a choromosonal disorder, which were discovered at our 20 week scan (on christmas eve sad). However we cannot decide between a surgical or medical abortion. I desperately don't want to have to deliver the baby in hospital, on the labour ward, mainly due to the fact that it would take so long. I also have PTSD from a previous traumatic hospital labour when our 2yo DD was born. I would much prefer to have a surgical abortion through a charity and just wake up and it be over. However my husband and I would ideally both like to have the opportunity to see the baby and say goodbye, which isn't possible with a surgical procedure. Does anyone have any experience with this, and can help me with this horrible choice?

mrsgumpy Thu 03-Jan-19 07:02:52

I have no advice to give - I had a surgical at 14 weeks - but if you really want to see the baby, then I would do that as it will help with your grief. I wish I had taken mine home and buried under a tree in our garden (as was offered to me). I am sure an abortion counsellor will be able to help you with your decision. Sending lots of hugs and thoughts. xxxx

Beyondhope Thu 03-Jan-19 13:28:30

I am sorry you are facing this peamad. I went through something very similar but was not given the option of surgical. Do not worry about being on a labour ward. You will be in your own private room and for me it felt more like a hotel than a hospital, kitchen area, sofa, tv etc. The midwives were amazing and you can’t hear anything from the labour ward.

I was very unsure about seeing my little boy after but as soon as he was delivered I just wanted to hold him. I really believe this helped me come to terms with everything. He was my son and to hold him and spend time with him felt like the natural thing to do. I know I would have deeply regretted it if I didn’t.

Only you can make the choice and it’s such a hard and personal one. I am here to talk if you ever want to pm me. Will be thinking of you.

peamad Thu 03-Jan-19 16:18:08

Thank you both. We have started the process of a medical abortion 🙁 I am dreading what the next few days will bring but also know that this is the right decision for the sake of our baby.

Treaclepie19 Tue 08-Jan-19 08:26:08

I'm so sorry you're going through this.
We had a tfmr and lost our little boy on the 14th December.
Thinking of you.

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