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Feeling down before abortion - SIL is being a bit brutal

(38 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Meganj95 Sun 25-Nov-18 13:57:20

Hi guys
Not really a question more of a vent really - I'm booked in for an abortion on Tuesday at 14 weeks. Have known since 4 weeks but it's taken me so long to decide and pick up the phone etc. Am quite close with SIL (partners brothers wife) or so I thought. I told her I was pregnant and was thinking about termination and her reply was "wow I'm pregnant too". Turns out her due date is the day after when mine was meant to be. Ever since somehow the whole family know about it (even an aunt who lives 2 hours away and text me about it). It's also been sort of thrown in my face, not sure if intentionally. For examples I get messages like "when is your appointment how are you feeling" etc followed by a hoard of photos of new baby clothes she has bought. It makes me wish I was keeping my baby, as I remember what a happy time it was when I gave birth to my daughter a year ago. I know I'm doing the right thing by terminating due to relationship problems, financial problems, my daughter still being so young etc etc but i can't help but imagine.

Meganj95 Sun 25-Nov-18 13:58:29

Also I did mean to write that I can understand her being excited so I've just grinned and gone along with it telling her that her baby clothes are lovely but it really is hurting and I'm dreading when my due date comes along and she's got a newborn.

Shepherdspieisminging Sun 25-Nov-18 14:01:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Unicornandbows Sun 25-Nov-18 14:02:59

It's a bit insensitive of her if she knows you are having a termination.. Unless she thought you weren't serious.

However I would have a little word with her

C0untDucku1a Sun 25-Nov-18 14:04:02

Have you been attending any appointments and apoke to your mw?

Celebelly Sun 25-Nov-18 14:04:47

She's being very insensitive. Does she know you've decided on the abortion, or does she think you're still just considering it?

Even if it's the latter, she's being very thoughtless. Yes, she's excited about her pregnancy, but it's not very nice of her to keep sending you stuff like that when she knows you're having a tough time. I'm pregnant with my first and of course we are excited, but I wouldn't dream of bombarding someone with pictures and messages about my unborn child when they were going through something like this.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this flowers

troodiedoo Sun 25-Nov-18 14:12:59

I suspect she means well and is trying to stop you doing something she thinks you will regret. Tell her politely but firmly to back off.

Sorry for your situation flowers

FleeceDetective Sun 25-Nov-18 14:34:49

The thing is, she is having a baby, she’s allowed to be excited and happy about it, sharing it with her family.

I’m not sure how people have become aware of your intention to abort?

Celebelly Sun 25-Nov-18 14:52:02

The thing is, she is having a baby, she’s allowed to be excited and happy about it, sharing it with her family.

Of course, but that doesn't mean she can be oblivious to other people's feelings or behave like she's the only person that matters here. She knows that the OP is pregnant and considering abortion (and may even know that she's actually having one). I don't care if you're excited and happy about being pregnant, it's horrendously insensitive to bombard someone with pictures of baby clothes when you know that's going on in their life. I'm sure there are plenty of other family members she can share those things with.

God knows I'm excited and happy about being pregnant, but not in a million years would I be sending someone who I knew was considering abortion and having a tough time countless pics of baby items. It's spectacularly self-absorbed.

SmallBlondeMama Sun 25-Nov-18 14:58:42

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Redshoeblueshoe Sun 25-Nov-18 15:02:14

Ignore small blonde

Dinosforall Sun 25-Nov-18 15:02:41

Reported, SmallBlondeDickhead

LilyMumsnet (MNHQ) Sun 25-Nov-18 15:03:24

We're just moving this to the correct topic. flowers OP.

Biscuitsneeded Sun 25-Nov-18 15:04:00

Message deleted by MNHQ as it quotes a deleted post. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Eden32 Sun 25-Nov-18 15:07:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Celebelly Sun 25-Nov-18 15:08:47

Christ alive. Some really unpleasant pieces of work coming out of the woodwork today.

Meganj95 Sun 25-Nov-18 16:12:31

She definitely knows I've decided on the abortion, which is why she is sending me messages about my appointment etc. The father is also the father of my first baby and my long time partner and he is all agreed too.the family know I guess from her gossiping about me, which was unexpected I guess but maybe I should have kept it between my partner and I

Shepherdspieisminging Sun 25-Nov-18 18:58:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Biscuitsneeded Sun 25-Nov-18 23:20:20

Hi Mumsnet. Would you mind letting me know why my post was deleted? All I did was support the OP and defend her from a thoroughly unpleasant post. I don't believe I committed any posting offences.

Birdie6 Sun 25-Nov-18 23:23:23

Take it as a lesson learned. When it comes to things like abortion, the only person who needs to know is yourself.

Take care and do what you need to do for yourself and your daughter. Take no notice of other people's comments.

Shepherdspieisminging Sun 25-Nov-18 23:23:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Biscuitsneeded Sun 25-Nov-18 23:35:26

Oh OK, thank you! Got a bit concerned there!

Ilovesuperman Tue 27-Nov-18 18:17:27

Op - what did you decide? Could you just tell her you've had spotting and eventually a miscarriage, so she doesn't know you went through with a termination? Is there anyway you'd keep the baby? Please do what you feel is best for you and your family (daughter) you're the one that has to live your life whatever you decide X you have support here X

Shepherdspieisminging Tue 27-Nov-18 18:22:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meganj95 Thu 29-Nov-18 23:15:37

Hi everyone
My appointment got cancelled but rescheduled for this morning - I did go through with it. SIL messaged me half hour before my surgery slot wishing me luck then went on to tell me about the baby names they'd picked out. Blocked her. Feeling quite awful emotionally I think more to do with the fact that I was about 8 weeks further along than I wanted to be and I keep thinking about what's happened to my fully formed baby, but other than that I feel absolutely fine physically no pain whatsoever and just a normal lighter period type bleeding. I think the worst part was when they put my legs up in the stirrups before I was knocked out. But other than that it was ok.

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