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How to support friend through TFMR?

(3 Posts)
Allfednonedead Sun 18-Nov-18 20:24:25

Just that really. She’s about 22 weeks and discovered her baby has a chromosomal condition with a high likelihood of severe disabilities.
I’m looking after her DS(7) as much as possible, while trying to be sensitive about them wanting to spend time together as a family.
Is there anything anyone can suggest that she might need either after the first part of the procedure, when she has an injection to stop the heartbeat, or after the D&C a couple of days later?

Beyondhope Sun 18-Nov-18 20:52:48

I am sorry to hear about your friend. I had to have a tfmr last Christmas at a similar gestation and it was a truly horrendous time.

I imagine she will go through delivery rather than a D&C. Ask about the baby. Make sure she knows she can talk to you about them. All I wanted to do was tell the world how beautiful my boy was but I didn’t know if people felt uncomfortable around the conversation.

Make yourself available to her. Instead of asking if she needs anything just do it. So rather than, “would you like me to bring you any shopping” just take some essentials over. The last thing her or her husband will want to do is shopping etc.

I don’t really have any more advice. Everyone reacts to grief differently. I didn’t really want to see anyone. I just wanted to hide at home and shut the world out. She will never get over the loss but keep talking to her and make sure she knows you’re always there.

Allfednonedead Sun 18-Nov-18 21:24:04

Thank you, Beyondhope, I’m so sorry you went through that.
I will do my best - she’s very private, but has talked about it to me, so I hope that helps her a little.

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