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Second TFMR

(7 Posts)
0hMy Tue 30-Oct-18 17:22:46

I’m such a mess right now and could do with some kind words. I’m too ashamed to tell my friends (some family members are providing great support).
DH and I made the heartbreaking decision to end my first pregnancy earlier this year due to a chromosome condition which I found out I am a carrier of as a result of a CVS test. Had the baby been born, she would have had severe mental and physical disabilities.
After discussing options with a consultant, we were told that while there was a chance future pregnancies could be affected with the same condition, it would be more likely a healthy baby would be the result. Desperate for a baby, we naively continued to TTC.
Now I’m 14 weeks pregnant, booked in for a TFMR later in the week as our son has exactly the same condition. My feelings are all over the place: guilt that I let this happen again (why did I take such a risk?), guilt that my body is preventing DH (and me) from having the family we are desperate for and, ultimately, sadness - we have the ‘typical family dream’ of a girl and a boy but they’re not ours to have.

Boo2you Sat 03-Nov-18 13:46:26

I'm sure it will happen for you I have a genetic condition which doesn't affect me to badly but oils severely affect any baby we had if they had the condition too (they may die before full term or before 5 weeks after birth if they survive the physical and mental disabilities would be severe). It depends which egg I release so it is a 50/50 chance of affecting a baby - our first baby was a healthy DD but last October 2017 we found out we were expecting a son the CVS showed he was affected and we had a TFMR at 12 weeks followed by many complications afterwards I've finally had two normal periods and would like to try again - there is not really any other way we could have a baby as the genetic testing with IVF is £15k per cycle the success rate means if we are lucky it may cost £45k! Good luck if you try again

Boo2you Sat 03-Nov-18 13:57:11

Sorry should say doesn't affect me too badly but would severely affect ....

Iris27 Fri 16-Nov-18 10:41:13

I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending you much love. Try not to feel guilty - you were advised you that you would probably have a healthy second child and you can only go off what the medics tell you.

If, after you have recovered from all this, you want another child, I know there is chromosome test you can have if you go through IVF. It tests the embryo at a few days old before the embryo is implanted inside you.

You are going through a grieving process - for both your babies and the future you thought you would have. You will get through this but you need to be kind to yourself.

Sending you hugs x

MummyBearBoo Wed 26-Dec-18 23:00:06

The IVF testing the embryo is called PGD had we not had a healthy baby we would have been eligible for 3 cycles on the NHS. It's definitely worth looking into this OP!! If you can't get it on the NHS it is expensive- best of luck for the future!

MummyBearBoo Sun 10-Feb-19 17:17:44

@0hMy - did everything go as well as you can expect from TFMR? Are you going to try PGD?

0hMy Wed 20-Feb-19 12:26:55

Yes it did. A horrible process but went much smoother - I had a 50 hour labour the first time but a 4 hour labour this time, which meant I could get back home the same day, which helped. Emotionally, it’s been extremely tough and is certainly a rollercoaster (some days fine, others horrendous).
Yes, we’re going ahead with the PGD and should hopefully be starting in the next few months. I’m so lucky the NHS are helping us with it. Thank you for asking.

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