Worried I'm pregnant. Want not to be.

[mishkamooshka]

Situation - I'm 39, married, three small kids. DH and I hanging on by a thread in our relationship. Realised my clockwork period is four days late. This doesn't happen, apart from when I'm pregnant. Took a test, it came back positive, but then I realised it was 18 months out of date. He's just gone out to by some more.

We can't do this. Relationship isn't great. I'm not a natural mother, I've reached my limit with my three. DH is also quite depressed at the moment. We haven't talked about the what ifs yet, but I'm trying to sort through my thoughts just in case. I don't want another baby, but I don't want the alternative either. Pregnancy is bad for my health, and I've had two c-sections already. I cannot do this.

[43percentburnt]

Mish you don’t have to do this. Why don’t you call Bpas and make an appointment to discuss your options. You will make the right decision for you based on how you feel and your current situation. All the best and be kind to yourself.

[Haireverywhere]

Dont panic yet. Wait for the test. See how you feel.

You don't have to do this. From your OP have lots of reasons to feel this isn't the right choice.

[mishkamooshka]

I don't know if I definitely am yet. I almost feel like I need to get my thoughts somewhat straight before finding out.

Our life as it is is ok. Yes, the relationship isn't great, but we're aware of it and working on it. We can afford the kids we have, and afford to do things with them. And give them some individual attention, but time is stretched. I'm almost 40. My 40s for me were to be a decade where my kids were a little older and I could enjoy them growing up. I don't think I can go backwards.

[ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName]

You don’t have to do it. You have options. I have two and a third is a maybe. A fourth would be a definite no for me. Take a new test and if it’s positive then make an appointment to discuss your options.

[mishkamooshka]

It's a choice I don't want to have to make. I'm keeping everything crossed that I don't have to.

My children are lovely. The thought of if I'd had to make a decision on whether to have them or not is awful. But it's mainly for them that I feel I couldn't do it again. If I'd had only two, I might think differently. But second pregnancy was twins, so I already have more than I planned. I'm high risk for more twins.

(I assume it's ok to say these things here. I don't want to be insensitive.)

[mishkamooshka]

God, I hope it's the start of the menopause.

[autumn18]

Hope you get the result you want x

[mishkamooshka]

First test (digital) came out negative. Going to try again in the morning.

Calming down slightly, but still stressing.

[Haireverywhere]

Bless you. Get some sleep

[mishkamooshka]

This morning's test was negative. Thank God for that!

I feel a bit silly now, getting so stressed without being sure. But at least it taught me that I really, really, really don't want another baby, as there was not single second during all that panic that I thought it would be anything other than a negative thing.

[Haireverywhere]

I'm glad you had the outcome you wanted! Yes you certainly know your feelings on it. You'll never look back and think oh I wonder...