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Booked for termination tomorrow, need some advice.

(43 Posts)
busymamakins1 Mon 17-Sep-18 17:37:42


I need to share my story and see if anyone can offer some advice, without judgement if possible.
I'm a married woman, with 5 beautiful children, all by my husband. We both work, have our own businesses, own our home, manage a couple of holidays a year for the kids. I had (what I thought) was my final baby boy last November, he's a dream baby and the others adore him. They are 13, 10, 4, 2 and 10 months. We cope ok with the big family, some days are harder than others but there's a lot of love. We decided we were complete and my husband had the snip in June of this year. In August I found out I was pregnant, and I felt adamant I wasn't able to afford or fit another baby into the equation.
I booked a temrnination at Marie Stopes, went the following week, had a scan which showed I was 5 weeks 6 days. The nurse was so uncaring, so cold, I hated every minute. She gave me a pill to take to end the pregnancy, then told me to go behind a screen and place 4 tablets into my cervix to bring it out (her words). I did as was required, walked out of the clinic and felt horrendous. So I ran to the public toilet next door and threw up everything, and took the tablets out. I've not told anyone this. It's been a week since, and I've had a lot of pains but no bleeding. I'm due to go back tomorrow for a check up, and they will repeat the process if it didn't work the first time. I just feel sad when I think of aborting it, but I feel upset when I think of continuing. I may already have song untold damage to the baby anyway. The tablet was in my system for 10 minutes. Guess I'm just looking for someone to say something that might help me a little. I haven't told anyone except my husband, he hasn't really supported me keeping it but doesn't know I removed the pills sad

toolazytothinkofausername Mon 17-Sep-18 17:46:08

No advice I'm afraid but you are not to blame. You need a kind medical person to assess you and speak to you about your options.

PlinkPlink Mon 17-Sep-18 17:55:25

I couldn't scroll past without saying something.

I'm so sorry OP. I would struggle with this immensely too. Can't believe you're having to go through this without support.

You did what you did because you are listening to your instincts. You have impulses as a mother and you followed them through. I think this should say alot to you.

I know another one is hard... but you did this for a reason. Your subconscious is trying to scream out to you.

It is your choice at the end of the day though.

The nurse should have been far more compassionate btw. What an awful way to behave.

jadeywadeyyox Mon 17-Sep-18 18:28:15

I have no advice, but I'm so sorry you're doing this alone.
The fact that you felt such tromendous guilt and removed the tablets says so much about you.
I hope you find piece with whatever desicion you make.
Keep us updated 💕

Floopyandtired Mon 17-Sep-18 18:57:40

I couldn’t read without posting. I’m just so sorry you’re going through this. I can’t imagine how tough this must be. I also have a 10 month old son and had an abortion last week as I knew I wasn’t ready for another and wouldn’t cope. Deciding to abort was the hardest decision I’ve ever made but when it came to taking the tablet on the day I didn’t hesitate.

It sounds like you want to have this baby. I will be thinking of you tomorrow x

busymamakins1 Mon 17-Sep-18 19:36:08

Honestly ladies, I can't thank all of you enough just for taking the time out of your day to respond. It's meant so much. I'm no closer in my mind at this moment to knowing what I'll do tomorrow if keeping it is even an option, but I will let you all know how it ends. Thank you again for restoring my faith in people ♥️♥️

sanssherif Mon 17-Sep-18 19:39:21

Keep it, if all is ok. I never say that but think you should.
Tell them you were sick very soon, and so you took the pessaries out as you were concerned it wouldnt work. Now youve had time you want the baby and can they check things are ok xx

LittleMe03 Mon 17-Sep-18 19:43:33

This must be so awful for you OP but you sound like such a lovely person. You should have never been made to feel guilty. You and your DH did all you could to make sure that you were 'safe' not to fall pregnant and have no reason to feel guilty.

I don't have any experience myself to give much advice but please don't feel guilty about your decision as you have to do what is right for your family. Sending you love thanksthanks

SecretWitch Mon 17-Sep-18 19:43:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SecretWitch Mon 17-Sep-18 19:46:41

Oh, op, please forgive me. It appears I may have misread your post. I thought you perhaps wanted to continue the pregnancy. I will request my first post be removed. I will be thinking about you tomorrow and hope you get the care you need. flowers

YeahCorvid Mon 17-Sep-18 19:46:54

You need sympathetic counselling. you should be able to get this before you do anything else.
My friend was in a similar situation and it was the counselling that helped her see what was right for her to do. It is your decision but you need a little support to get there in making it.

Good luck.

toolazytothinkofausername Mon 17-Sep-18 19:47:04

From what I have read on Mumsnet, pessaries seem to work differently from woman to woman. For all you know they may have done nothing. Easy for me to say but I would try and take your mind off it tonight, and only think about it when you have all the information from a health person tomorrow.
Whatever happens, just remember known of this is your fault.

toolazytothinkofausername Mon 17-Sep-18 19:47:37

none of this blush

Miladymilord Mon 17-Sep-18 19:48:18

Wouldn't you find it easier having a surgical termination under general? I hope you work things out flowers

Maverick66 Mon 17-Sep-18 19:50:33

Just want to say I'm sorry you have to go through this thanks

PeachyKeenJellymonster Mon 17-Sep-18 21:33:43

Thinking of u op

busymamakins1 Mon 17-Sep-18 22:46:37

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you who have replied tonight, I'm so grateful, it's helped me massively knowing there are people like you out there who would take the time to support a stranger. I'm thankful to all of you

Twillow Mon 17-Sep-18 23:05:12

I don't know anything about current procedure, sorry, but in my past I had two terminations, both for good reasons. One I felt 100% relieved about, the other I was completely devastated and didn't really recover until I actually did give birth. Go with your heart and good luck whichever you choose xxx

Runrunrudolf Tue 18-Sep-18 07:04:05

How are you feeling today OP? flowers

LittleMe03 Tue 18-Sep-18 07:41:32

Hope you are feeling ok this morning OP xx

pretendingtowork1 Tue 18-Sep-18 07:49:41

Hope all goes OK today, tell them everything . You won't be the first woman wihh this story. flowers

busymamakins1 Tue 18-Sep-18 08:03:32

Morning girls,
I'm feeling surprisingly well, I'm going to go to my appointment today and find out what's happening and if I'm still pregnant. I think it's the idea of the pill method and losing it at home that's scaring me, and the fact I felt so unsupported by the staff member. I am hoping it's not her again today, but I am not going to rush into it and may opt for a surgical option if I feel I can't go through with the pregnancy. Thanks for everyone's support xxxx

PeachyKeenJellymonster Tue 18-Sep-18 09:15:45

I hope you get the answers and support you need

sanssherif Tue 18-Sep-18 09:26:25

Good luck op xx

TeaForDad Tue 18-Sep-18 10:30:47

You need to talk to your dh. Can he come with you for support?
It's a horrible situation, you need to be honest with your dh and the staff about exactly what's gone on.

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