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Please read my story and help me

(13 Posts)
Floopyandtired Sat 08-Sep-18 18:08:38

Last weekend I found out I am pregnant. My immediate reaction was sadness and devastation. I have a medical termination booked for this Thursday when I’ll be 5+5. This pregnancy was not planned and I have a 9mo DS who is the light of my life. I am on mat leave currently and due back at work when I’d be 17 weeks pregnant. There are many reasons I’m considering a termination which include:

- Would have to give up breastfeeding earlier than I’d like. I cannot feed 2 babies at once and think my milk will dry up during pregnancy. I always planned to feed my first for a couple of years.
- Morning sickness while looking after DS. I had debilitating sickness until 19 weeks with DS and don’t know how I’d cope looking after a baby with this.
- Exhaustion. DS is up all hours of the night. DH is helpful but he can’t do it all.
- I suffered with SPD and was on crutches at the end of my last pregnancy. Again not sure how I’d cope with a DS and SPD.
- Can’t afford to pay for 2 in nursery for 18 months but can’t give up career I’ve worked so hard for.
- DS doesn’t sleep so would have to sleep train before new baby arrives.

Our reasons for wanting to keep the baby are we can provide for it, will love them just the same, is it selfish to terminate a pregnancy before it’s not the “right” time? I want this baby but I want it to be born in a few years time...

Because of how hard I found pregnancy and c section recovery we always said we’d have to carefully plan our next pregnancy and this is far far too early. But again is that enough of a reason?

I feel like if I had an abortion on some level I would regret it as that is my child and I have some maternal protective feelings creeping in (eg I am not drinking), but I also think I’d feel relieved too. I’m so confused. If anyone can offer advice I’d massively appreciate it.

My DH supports whatever I choose but I can tell he would rather not have the baby.

Thank you xx

Ohb0llocks Sat 08-Sep-18 18:13:32

If you want the baby everything else will fall into place.

With regards to breastfeeding, you absolutely can tandem feed so please don't let that put you off x

Ohb0llocks Sat 08-Sep-18 18:14:51

And if you want to terminate, that's fine too. You need to do what you think is best for your family and yourself x

Nettymummy Sat 08-Sep-18 18:20:00

Not sure how the termination would mess with your milk supply, if that's important to you.something to check out.

MacNcheese87 Sat 08-Sep-18 18:20:44

It's absolutely fine to terminate if you feel it isn't the right time for your family. At 5+5 weeks, there may not even be a heartbeat. (If that makes any difference to you)

Only you can decide what to do, but thankfully we have a choice in this country.

You can most certainly tandem feed, but your other worries are understandable. If you could make it work, and you want to, then go for it. But no one can (or should) blame you for deciding that the time isn't right for your family.

Chugalug Sat 08-Sep-18 18:22:04

Obviously in this country we dont need a reason to terminate,no one will judge you. Personally in your situation I would have the baby,In some ways it will be much easier having them close together.i had 3 under 3 ,which was so much easier for days out and passing toys / clothes down.then I had a 10 year gap, and that pregnancy was harder ,being older ,and it's more draining having one child alone ,as 2 play sil went back after maternity leave expecting,no one bothered or made a comment ..a childminder would be cheaper and you may get a discount for2 .good luck 💐

Floopyandtired Sat 08-Sep-18 18:39:08

Thank you everyone for taking time to read and reply. I’ve jus read my post back and I sound quite cold and clinical; I have spent the last few days almost solidly crying and feel like I’ve no more tears left for now. I’m trying to look objectively and think how I’d advise a friend but that’s impossible.

I’m not so worried about justifying the termination to others, but to myself. I worry all my reasons are practical as opposed to emotional. I keep coming back to “is it enough of a reason?” I am totally pro choice but never imagined myself in this situation. I’m so grateful for free and safe access to abortions but again that doesn’t make our decision any easier.

If I could go back in time and not get pregnant I would... but does that mean I should terminate? I don’t know. Sorry for rambling I’m just so lost. X

UsuallyOnTime Sat 08-Sep-18 19:51:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MacNcheese87 Sat 08-Sep-18 21:06:05

I think there are always ways around the practical things, if you want there to be. You've had some great suggestions to dealing with the problems you've presented, the question you really need to ask yourself is, do YOU want another baby now?

As you're so early on, things will change a great deal in 9 months. Your son will very likely be sleeping better, and you can cope with the tiredness because you've just been through it all with a baby and that's pretty much as hard as the sleepless nights get!

Childcare can be arranged in other ways, perhaps a childminder?

So there are practical reasons why you can have this baby, it all boils down to if you want to. No one can make that decision for you. If you think you will regret it later on in the future, then that's the feeling you need to draw upon. Whichever way. Xx

Floopyandtired Sat 15-Sep-18 16:16:32

I wanted to update this thread in the hope it might help someone in a similar position to me in the future.

I went ahead with the termination because after a counselling session I realised it was the best decision for my family, physical and mental health and financial situation.

I had the same day medical abortion; my appointment was at 9am and I was home by 12:30. The BPAS staff were kind, professional and discreet. Nothing really happened until 16:00 when the cramps kicked in. I won’t lie I was in serious pain from 17:00 until about 22:00 when I felt the urge to go to the toilet, I sat down and felt “something” pass through me and plop into the toilet. After this the cramping stopped almost immediately so I’m sure it was the pregnancy (even though I was only measuring 4 weeks 6 days so there was hardly anything to pass).

2 days on I am still bleeding but nothing I can’t manage with pads. No pain at all. I have to take a pregnancy test in 2 weeks time but I am confident the procedure has worked.

My advice to anyone in the same situation as me is listen to both your heart and your head and follow whichever is shouting loudest. Trust yourself. Everything will be ok. X

12sillypenguins Sat 15-Sep-18 16:36:31

Thank you for sharing, it will undoubtedly help others xx

ohdearoh Mon 17-Sep-18 18:43:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohdearoh Mon 17-Sep-18 18:47:24

Sorry didn't see the post update, as I pressed the go to bottom button.

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