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Termination around 24 weeks

(155 Posts)
CherryO88 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:28:17

Firstly I cannot believe I am even having to contemplate. I am currently 21+3 pregnant with a very wanted and loved second pregnancy. All hell broke loose on Monday at my 20 week scan- baby has a major heart defect and she queried increased nuchal and slight rotation of the ankles. I have since seen a fetal cardiologist who diagnosed a complete AVSD probably with tetralogy of fallot. We have a 80% chance of this being due to Downs, although in my heart I know it is.
I am awaiting the harmony test and will have an amnio done with the fetal medical team on Thursday.
Once chromosomal syndrome is confirmed we are 90% we are not going to proceed with the pregnancy. This is due to our belief that the baby will not have a good quality of life and the road ahead is too uncertain and full of pain and suffering.
Has anyone any experience of a late term abortion? I live in NI so will have to travel and die to the laws here no medical professional has discussed this with me so far.
Thanks

YeTalkShiteHen Sun 19-Aug-18 20:30:07

ante natal results choices help

Sorry OP I didn’t want to read and run, I’ve no personal experience but found this helpline that have the information you need.

I’m so sorry flowers

KisstheTeapot14 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:30:41

No advice for you, but just a handhold. An awful situation, I really feel for you. Look after yourself and maybe arrange some counselling after if you need it xxx

Monkeypuzzle32 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:31:02

I dont have this experience but I really feel for you-if its any consolation, I would make the same choice given this result. I hope you can arrange something soon without too much trouble and Im sorry this has happened to you.

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 19-Aug-18 20:32:54

Oh my love flowers

No advice at all but reaching out to you with a handhold. I can’t imagine what you’re going through but sending love and strength.

Mum2jenny Sun 19-Aug-18 20:32:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

onetimeposter Sun 19-Aug-18 20:33:06

OP I have no advice but hope this bumps things for you
I'm so so sorry flowers

dinosaurkisses Sun 19-Aug-18 20:34:37

Handhold OP- I’m in NI as well and it’s shameful that you can’t get treatment and support at home.

If you need practical help, I’ve heard that the Alliance for Choice can offer advice and support navigating the arrangements.

flowers

onetimeposter Sun 19-Aug-18 20:35:00

It's not just Down's mum, it's a severe heart defect which will likely involve multiple surgeries on a poorly, very little baby who has severe learning disabilities and problems with its feet. Not sure how you missed that tbh confused
Don't talk like it's a simple as deciding not to have a Down's child.

LeftRightCentre Sun 19-Aug-18 20:36:08

Just wishing you all the best and hope that if you have to make this choice that the process runs smoothly for you. flowers

Nightmanagerfan Sun 19-Aug-18 20:36:08

I’m so sorry. I terminated a pregnancy earlier this year due to downs, but at 14 weeks so not as far along as you. I’m so so sorry. We felt that we couldn’t do it and the medical professionals were all very supportive. I am so sorry you only found out so late being in NI. As the other poster said ARC are a good source of information. Be kind to yourself, take time to grieve and heal. I found the days before the termination the worst. Once it was over I healed quickly and there was a marked change in my mood and general demeanour once my hormones went back to normal (a few days later). For us, holding on to the fact that we 100% Made the right decision for us has really helped. I would also advise only discussing with carefully selected
Friend and family. Most were understanding but some shocked me by saying, “I could never have done that”. I just replied that I used to feel like that but it’s different when you’re in the situation.

All the best to you and sending kind thoughts and flowers

Lokisglowstickofdestiny Sun 19-Aug-18 20:36:58

OP sorry to hear this. If I was in your position I would terminate as well. Sending love and a hug.

Rebecca36 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:37:32

I do feel for you. If I was in your position I too would terminate but I'm so sorry for you or anyone going through that.

You'll come out the other side though and move on. Hang on to that thought.

LeftRightCentre Sun 19-Aug-18 20:38:20

I personally couldn't terminate due to Downs, mainly because I have a friend with a Downs child and she is delightful.

Yes, well, it is a spectral condition, some babies can be very, very severely affected.

Cherry you don't have to justify yourself to anyone. I hope you get lots of support.

mustangcountry Sun 19-Aug-18 20:38:50

@Mum2jenny Suggest you go back and read the OP properly.

@CherryO88 I have no practical advice, but I'm so so sorry that you're in this situation. Do you have people to talk to in RL? Sending love and strength flowers

Rockandrollwithit Sun 19-Aug-18 20:39:25

I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP. Life is so utterly utterly unfair.

I don't have any experience of late terminations but I will be thinking of you. Be kind to yourself.

Soubriquet Sun 19-Aug-18 20:39:30

Sorry to hear this OP

I would terminate if I was in your position too.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName Sun 19-Aug-18 20:40:46

I’m so sorry OP. Not been in your shoes but think I would do the same. Thinking of you. So sorry you’ve got to travel for it on top of everything else.

witwootoodleoo Sun 19-Aug-18 20:41:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mayhemmumma Sun 19-Aug-18 20:44:42

You have my total sympathy. It's very easy to say I wouldn't abort because I've seen a cute disabled kid..the stark reality and life caring for a severely disabled child is very difficult and I would make the same choice as you but selfishly not for the baby, for me, my other children and our family as it is.

I wish you every luck in the world. Heart breaking and doesn't it highlight how the laws must be changed you should not be alone in this.

Chrisinthemorning Sun 19-Aug-18 20:45:54

flowers sorry you are going through this.
I had a tfmr for t21 and heart problems too. I found ARC really helpful.

Rockandrollwithit Sun 19-Aug-18 20:46:39

Please ignore anyone commenting on whether or not they would terminate. OP hasn't asked for any help to make this decision, just support as she goes through it.

Cantrememberthistime123 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:47:35

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mum2jenny Sun 19-Aug-18 20:50:45

Sorry, but I did read the OP. I didn't intend to upset anyone with my comment.

woman11017 Sun 19-Aug-18 20:52:07

Please ignore anyone commenting on whether or not they would terminate. OP hasn't asked for any help to make this decision, just support as she goes through it
Yes. flowers OP wishing you lots of love and strength.

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